


The Fidget Rock

by Clickclick (TotallyARealPerson)



Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Haruno Sakura, BAMF Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Uchiha Sasuke, BAMF Uzumaki Naruto, Because Fuck You and Your Handling of Trauma Kishimoto, Canon-Typical Mass Murder, Canon-Typical Violence, Chess, Childhood Trauma, Cinnamon Roll Gaara, Clan Politics, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 Bonding (Naruto), Dai-nana-han | Team 7 as Family (Naruto), Fluff, Found Family, Gaara the Candlemaker Extraordinaire, Gen, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Realistic Coping Methods, Strawberries, Sugar daddy Sasuke, Unusual coping methods, shogi, the fidget rock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotallyARealPerson/pseuds/Clickclick
Summary: If Sasuke snapping results in giving Sakura better outfits and Naruto weapons that aren't held together with tape, Kakashi isn't going to complain.That is, until Sasuke gives him a set of armour. Now he's going to freak out.AKA: cinnamon-roll-that-will-kill-you Sugar Daddy Sasuke.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 258
Kudos: 1093





	1. Cut my brakes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pleasedial123](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pleasedial123/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Sort that was Never Finished (i.e. Ideas unspent)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21228701) by [Pleasedial123](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pleasedial123/pseuds/Pleasedial123). 



> Reading the original prompt (ch9) from whence this originated isn't necessary for understanding the story, but it's always good to honor the original source.  
> Keep it classy! :P

Sasuke wasn't having a good day.

Kakashi had set them up with a fence-painting mission. Which sounded innocuous enough, right?

Right. It SOUNDED innocuous.

So why did it have to be so _weird?_

Naruto had flung paint at his head at least twice now, entirely on accident - he'd checked. Sasuke could only sigh and ask Kakashi to dump a torrent of water on him each time. Kakashi only capitulated the first time, and gave the excuse the second time he asked that he'd hose him off at the end of the mission to get any other paint Naruto managed to fling at him.

Sakura somehow managed to remain paint-free. And she got a few giggles out of seeing her crush covered with paint (which Sasuke found weird. Especially when she started yelling at Naruto for laughing, too).

Sasuke very carefully did not scream and turned back to the fence. The strokes were becoming gloopy, and they'd be out here for hours before the fence was done at this pace. "Guys, keep going. I don't want to be here all day."

Sakura turned back to the fence, and giggled a few times still, which made her brush strokes jagged.

Naruto made a shadow clone, and they seemed to be having competitions with each other about who could paint faster. Sasuke wanted to yell at them, because it doesn't matter which one of you is faster, you're the same person!, but ultimately silenced himself.

Until he got paint to the side of his face again. And Sasuke flung a glob of paint at Naruto's head. That it was the clone made it far less satisfying.

Kakashi smugged behind his mask and book and forehead protector. "Both of you, stop throwing paint. We have a mission to do."

"Some mission!" Naruto yelled. "All we're doing is painting some stupid fence! Why can't the old geezer do it himself?"

"He's selling the house. And apparently, 'shinobi do it better'," Sakura said. She carefully wiped the brush on the side of her bucket so it wouldn't run. "But hey, at least we're only the ones doing this first coat."

"Wh- Paint has to be applied in coats?" Naruto asked, slack-jawed.

"Yeah," Sakura said. "Mom's an indoor decorator. She used to take me around to her worksites. And we've had to revamp the entire house so many times, you wouldn't believe."

Sasuke blew the hair out of his face. "Yeah, I wouldn't believe it," he agreed.

They all fell silent, and into a comfortable rhythm of brush strokes while Kakashi read his porn in the shadow of the tree. Sasuke stubbornly ignored any of the additional paint gloops to the side of his head anymore - and most definitely didn't acknwoledge when it started to drip down to his sandals and clump in his hair. Because that would be gross.

~?~

They ended up wasting so much paint (mostly on Sasuke and by Naruto's paint war with his clones) that Kakashi had to end up declaring the mission lost.

This made Sasuke sigh and fidget under the gazes of the desk-shinobi. The last Uchiha, covered in of dried paint and looking like a drowned rat.

He left puddles as he walked that day.

When Sasuke got back home, in the deafening silence of the Uchiha Compound, and recalled the maddening orange and the distracting fluttering pink, he thought he might snap.

Disregarding the existence of his teammates wouldn't help. Kakashi was clearly all about teamwork. What kind of team player would he be if he couldn't even look his teammates in the eye?

A bad one. That's that answer. And Kakashi would probably send him back to the Academy.

So how does he fix the distractions?

A shine from the late sun hit one of the windows. It was one of the still-abandoned buildings of his compound, something shiny hit by the rays of the afternoons sun through dusty windows.

Shisui's house.

... An idea popped into his head.

He was going to go insane with all the fluttering pink, red, and orange. More than that, it would probably draw attention to them. It was okay in the Academy, when they weren't on death-defying missions. But soon enough, if he knew Naruto well, the whiskered blond would snap and demand something like a C-rank. And then they might be in read danger. And Sasuke and Kakashi, by proxy.

That wouldn't be good, he decided, going into Shisui's house.

~?~

Sasuke arrived early the next day, with a few bags. One was clearly marked with three lines, and the other with a crudely-drawn flower.

Sakura examined the bags from afar, and settled into the shade of a tree where she knew Sasuke wouldn't be suffocated by her presence. He seemed to wince whenever she talked. This distance would be better.

It only threw her when Sasuke shot a look to the bag that had the flower on it, and walked over to her with it.

"A gift," Sasuke muttered, dropping at bag at Sakura's feet.

Sakura blinked, and opened the bag. The first item was a nice purple dress-like top.

"My cousin had it," Sasuke said. "It's layered with wire mesh and a few seals for fabric strength."

Sakura stood and held the dress against herself. If it looked like she thought it did, it would fall halfway down her thighs and just above where her shorts stopped. It was a dark purple with black and blue leaf-vein patterns. Very pretty. She rubbed the fabric between her fingers - it was an odd texture.

She's sure she'll get used to it.

"Thank you," Sakura said.

"Erm, you should put it on now!" Sasuke said just as Sakura was about to put it aside.

Well... okay.

Sakura threw her top over her head and slipped the kimono top over her head. The sash, she tied around her waist several times until she was satisfied it wouldn't catch on any branches. She glanced nervously at the sleeves - they were quite large.

She'd have to fix that.

As she pulled her long hair out of the back of her new battle kimono, Sasuke had reached into the bag and presented her with a beautiful hair ornament.

She glanced at it, skeptical. "I'm not even sure how to wear that."

"Turn around," Sasuke said.

So she did.

Sasuke's fingers trembled as he focused on the pink instead of the length. _This isn't Itachi. This isn't Itachi. This isn't Itachi. This isn't Itachi._ As best as he could remember, he put Sakura's hair into a good bun and tied it tight with a hair wrap. The hair ornament was only a secondary layer of protection, and extra assurance that it wouldn't fall loose and drive him mad. Most of her soft, purple locks were pulled good under purple silk. The glass flowers of the hair ornament shimmered gently in the light.

"Thank you," Sakura said, deliberately trying to control her volume.

"It suits you," Sasuke said lamely.

That's precisely when Naruto showed up. Sasuke left Sakura under her tree to gush over her new kimono while Sasuke shoved the bag with three lines into Naruto's chest before the blond could say a thing.

"For you," he said lamely.

"A gift?" he nearly whispered.

Unaccustomed to gifts, Naruto hesitantly untied the knot at the top and pulled out a lovely black jacket about Naruto's size. There were little white and red buttons on the front, and a prominent uchiwa on the back. The blond went slack-jawed and almost started tearing up at the thoughtfulness.

It had the faint hint of sweat and vinegar, but it was soft. He'd made sure of that.

He'd spent half the night trying to restore the original softness, and had eventually succeeded after what must've been sixteen washes. There were a few tears here and there, and he fell asleep before he could get the last button tightened, but it was a start.

"But, ya know," Naruto said lamely. "There's your clan symbol on the back. You sure you wanna have me runnin' around in it?"

"If I was so diametrically opposed with having you in my clan's clothing, I wouldn't have given you this," Sasuke scoffed. "Or worked harder to find a seam ripper."

"Huh?"

"Yes, I'm fine with it. And it doesn't much matter, anyways, since I'm the only one left. If I say it's okay, then it is. And also, who's gonna go against me on this?"

Sasuke snatched the coat out of Naruto's hands only to throw it over the blond's shoulders.

The Uchiha smiled at the sight. Much less visually crowded than orange.

Which is precisely when he noticed Kakashi sitting in the tree, reading his little orange book.

... Maybe he had some different porn back home. Itachi was a teenager when he ran away. And Shisui was always weird.

~?~

Sakura, thankfully, came back with the same kimono as yesterday. And her hair was done up again, in the same style.

But the hair ornament, Sasuke noticed, was in her hands instead of her hair.

He paused in his kunai throwing to look at her.

Sakura seemed to get the hint. "Sasuke! Erm, I can't accept this," Sakura said, holding out the hair ornament. "It's WAY too expensive. My mom looked at it yesterday, and she says it's worth m-more than her entire month's salary!"

Sasuke blinked and stood a bit straighter. "It's not as if I'm going to use it."

"Yeah, but this is on par with what the Daimyo would wear. It's too much."

"It's a gift," Sasuke said. He turned back to the training post and threw another kunai. "Your gift. It's yours now."

She stared, wide-eyed and in awe at Sasuke, then back at the delicate purple glass flowers of the hair pin.

There was no use for questions like 'are you sure'. Sakura had more faith in her teammate than that. She slid the comb back in the fold between her scalp and the hair tie.

Naruto gave two thumbs up and Sasuke stood approvingly. Sakura smiled.

She spent the rest of the day between doing the D-rank touching the flowers in her hair with gentle reverence and disbelief.

~?~

Sasuke continued like this. To complete the outfits, he gave both Sakura and Naruto black pants that could be tied down at the ankles. There was also some armor in there, for Sakura. He'd noticed Naruto so rarely walked away from spars with bruising and his cuts healing within seconds. The most probable thing he could die of on the battlefield was poisoning or chakra drain.

Or, ya know. Maybe blood loss.

... Did organs even apply to his regeneration?

Sasuke showed up the next day with a set of armor that was sealed to fit its wearer all the time. It made it expandable, and flexible, but it would protect his vital organs. There was a back plate, too, but it had been shattered wh-when the massacre happened.

He'd find a replacement.

But Naruto accepted the gift with a smile and a thank you, slipping it under his jacket and belting it into place with the custom leather straps.

Sakura's battle kimono was practically armor in of itself, and Sasuke was proud to see her rushing into spars.

He also casually mentioned how diets weren't going to make her have a better figure when she was exercising so much and her body was eventually just going to start consuming her muscles. She came the next day with a lunch twice as big as the one she'd had the day before. It was gratifying to see her start taking herself seriously.

Meanwhile, Kakashi was hammering hand signs and a form of ANBU sing language into Naruto that he could use as a substitute of his excessive volume.

~?~

When Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto went on their second D-rank that week, catching the Daimyo's wife's 'demon cat' Tora, Sasuke noticed how Sakura's battle kimono wasn't even scratched. Naruto's jacket was just a little frayed, and he was missing one of the red buttons.

He'd have to fix that before the blond went back to the eye-catching orange.

But more importantly, Naruto's kunai barely sunk into the ground near Tora, meant to frighten her in their strategy for catching her.

When they got back to the training grounds, Sasuke wordlessly reached around Naruto's leg for the pouch of weapons.

"Hey!" Naruto yelped when he felt Sasuke's fingers. He turned to see Sasuke going through his instruments.

"These are garbage," Sasuke said, tossing it back at Naruto. And they were. It looked like they would break the next time they were sharpened, and the metal used for forging was subpar after so many years. The shuriken were even worse, and looked more like they belonged in a box that says 'baby's first weapons'. Dull, rusted, and one was held together with medical tape.

"It's not like I've got any better ones," Naruto growled, snatching it back.

"Well, we're fixing that," Sasuke said, grabbing Naruto's wrist and dragging him away from the clearing. "Sakura, you come too!"

Sakura jolted, and ran after the two.

Sasuke sat Naruto down in front of his coffee table, and waved Sakura over. "Stay here. Both of you, please."

And then he ran away.

None of the weapons in his house, he would give away. He was sentimental about them.

Uncle Kagami's house wasn't bad, though. He had lots of kunai and spare shuriken that were in good condition. Or at least better than hat Naruto was currently using. At most, all they needed was a good sharpening.

His hands were sweaty. He wiped them on his shorts and wrapped the knives in silk, and then left back to the main house.

He came in to find Naruto and Sakura praying by the shrine he'd set up for his mom and dad.

His breath caught in his throat. There had been ANBU in his home since he was seven and the Hokage was paranoid about Itachi coming back. Inu, Neko, and a few others were kind enough to have dinner with him on his parents' birthdays and the anniversary of the massacre, but not one of them prayed at the shrine. At least, not that he could see.

He watched as they caught notice of their teammate and sat back at the table.

"For you," Sasuke said stiffly, handing Naruto the carefully wrapped silk.

Naruto smiled as he unwrapped the smooth wrapping and started counting the weapons. He put aside the ones that needed sharpening, and smiled when he was still left with quite a few. "Do you have a whetstone?"

Sasuke pulled one out of a random drawer in his kitchen. "Here," Sasuke said, tossing it at him.

"My weapons are fine, before you ask," Sakura said. "Really. They just need a sharpening."

Sasuke nodded. "Okay. Well, anyways," he pulled another bundle of silk out from one of his many pockets, "these might be useful."

"How's that?" Sakura asked.

"I noticed your taijutsu's not as good as mine," Sasuke said. "You're getting stronger and faster, so it's not really your fault, but if you've got a one-shot hit, it'll be better."

Sakura raised en eyebrow. "And this has to do with flower-topped metal pins, _how_?"

"They're sort of syringes. My cousin used to dip the tsubaki ones in paralytic and the lilies in poison. And then you don't need to be good, you just need one hit."

Sakura smiled and took them. "Thank you so much."

Sasuke let his features soften. "Erm, she wrote down the recipes, too."

Sakura shook her head. She stilled herself when she started putting the pins between the folds of pink and purple. "That's okay. My mom makes some out of paint, and I can always ask the Yamanaka for the ones they use that aren't clan secrets. Actually, ya know what? Please give them to me. I'd like to make a book."

"Okay," Sasuke said. "I'll get those to you soon." Recognition came to him in a flash when his eyes darted to the bookcase. "Oh, hey, Naruto! I managed to find some sealing scrolls you might like."

Naruto stood. "Really?"

"Yeah!" Sasuke took a few scrolls out of his bookshelf, quickly reading the titles. " _Introductions to sealing arts_. I thought it might suit you more than me."

Naruto's nose scrunched up. "Reading. I dunno. Do you have some weapons, or taijutsu or something?"

"Uh, sure," Sasuke said. He grabbed Naruto's wrist and pulled him out of the room. "Sakura, sealing's yours! It's on the table!"

"Cool!" Sakura said, picking up the scrolls. "Have fun looking for weapons!"

~?~

Sasuke went around quite a bit, pulling out weapon after weapon, and Naruto looked more and more slack-jawed as the pile increased.

"Okay!" Sasuke said, wiping the dust off his hands. "That should be one of every type of weapon here, I think. Not super sure, but whatever. What're you looking for?"

Naruto went around the pile. "Something flexible, and easily hidden."

"Flexible? You do know we're looking for a weapon, right?"

"Yeah. Or, ya know, if it's not flexible, have it be small?"

Well, he could work with that.

There was a kusarigama that was a bit dinged. Could easily be ironed out if he took it to a nice blacksmith. And there were a few thin blades, brass knuckles, kakute, and a few sealing scrolls with tekko-kagi and neko-te fingertips that could be worn discreetly under long-sleeved clothing. If he was going to be a contact specialist, it was best he get everything he needed early on and expand his arsenal later.

"Is that good?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah! This is great!" Naruto said. "Thanks, teme."

And that was another thing. The insults were always knee-jerk. But they seemed almost fond, now.

~?~

"Okay! Take a half-hour break for lunch," Kakashi said at fourteen thirty hours. Two hours and a half past the usual lunch rush.

Sasuke appreciated such an attention to detail. At least the usual fast-food but-not-greasy places would usually be at least half-empty by now.

Naruto collapsed and moaned into the ground. Sakura sat down against a training post.

Sasuke could barely walk, either, but he dragged his teammates to their feet for a nice, cool off walk to a good restaurant.

The servers were long accustomed to Sasuke and Sakura, so they automatically wrote down the usual tomato soup and sushi boat, and let Sakura order for Naruto.

Naruto was just lucky he ended up liking the beef and rice with jasmine tea. He still fidgeted the rest of the fifteen minutes when Sasuke and Sakura were finishing up.

Sasuke had already pickpocketed both of his teammates when the bill came. He gleefully payed out of his own pocket, and handed their wallets back when they were all outside.

"I can pay for myself," Sakura said, snatching her wallet back.

"Same here, y'know," Naruto said loudly.

"I want to," Sasuke said. "It's not out of obligation or anything."

 _I just like providing,_ he didn't say.

Sakura's eyes softened. "Sorry. But we can still pay for ourselves. You don't have to."

Naruto nodded.

 _Thank you for the meal,_ they didn't say.

~?~

Kakashi smiled under his mask. His students were so cute.

Sakura had finally done something good with her hair, by tying it up and making it a secondary cache of weapons. It wasn't at all a bad idea. And he'd noticed how she was keeping scrolls tied around her waist. Half were sealing scrolls, and the other half were blank so she could write on the fly. He'd seen her wrapping explosive tags around the inside of the scrolls, and giving a few thick packs to Naruto and Sasuke that they'd be able to hide under their clothing. That would be advantageous.

Naruto was in sensible colours, at last, and was a fine tree-walker, and Sasuke had finally ditched the round collar and white shorts for a turtleneck and ankle-length pants that could be tied down.

The Uchiha symbol seemed more in line with their team instead of the clan, now.

Sasuke shot a look at Kakashi's book, and then his clothing, and his hair, and the headband. "What are your clothing sizes?"

ABORT MISSION! **ABORT MISSION! _ABORT MISSION!_**

"SQUIRREL!" Kakashi randomly yells, pointing behind Sasuke, and shunshins away while the brunet is distracted.

Sasuke blinked, and narrowed his eyes. "I swear, I'll get those measurements."

Naruto recognizes the importance of Sasuke randomly giving gifts, even if he doesn't understand it. So he puts his hand on Sasuke's shoulder and Sakura grabbed his wrist. "We'll help you."

Sasuke's shoulders relax. "Thank you."

~?~

It takes a henge, an obviously fake handlebar mustache, and a cape made out of duck feathers before Kakashi finally lets a henge'd Naruto take his measurements.

It occurred to the teacher that he should really teach his students how to mask their chakra signatures.

Of course, it was probably no coincidence that Sasuke gave him a bag filled with clothes.

"You need more variety with your clothing style," Sasuke said.

Pointedly, it seemed, Sakura was wearing a lovely green and blue yukata with tied-down sleeves, Naruto was wearing black and burnt orange, and Sasuke was wearing ascending shades of grey and a trench coat.

Kakashi took the bag. "Thank you. Now, where are you three at in your genjutsu studies?"

~?~

"For you."

Sasuke blinked at the little thing Sakura had shoved in front of his nose. He took it, and opened it.

A little glass uchiwa. The red was faded, more like pink, and Sakura looked sheepish for that fact. But the edges were good, if a little shaky.

"How did you make this?"

"My dad's a glassblower. He taught me a long time ago," Sakura said. "I didn't really know what else to get you."

Sasuke put his hand on her mouth. "I give you gifts because I want to, not because I expect to be payed back."

Sakura licked his hand, and Sasuke pulled away in disgust. "I already knew that. I wanted to give you this. Ya know. It's a gift."

Sasuke looked at it again and smiled. There were little holes along the sides of the symbol, for little strings.

"Yeah," Sakura said. "You can sew it to something if you want. Or put it on a necklace or bracelet, I dunno."

That sounded nice, actually. He'd been wanting to do something with ninja wire, but never had any place to put it. It would look purely decorative as a bracelet, and most people would be distracted by the charm to focus on the wire.

Sasuke hugged her. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

Inner was squealing. Sakura was far more mature, and simply returned the hug. "Of course."

They stood there for a while. Sakura had read it was best for abused children to let go on their own, and Sasuke didn't really want to move.

Which was precisely the moment Naruto barreled into them. Sasuke protected his lovely gift by throwing it in the air where he'd be sure to catch it, and Sakura's hand darted for her kunai until she realized it was their other teammate.

She laughed and clung to the blond. Sasuke caught his little glass gift with one hand and hugged his teammates with the other.

He didn't know what he'd do without them anymore.

~?~

Sasuke exhaled softly. "Naruto, Sakura?"

The rosette and the blond stopped mid-spar.

"Yeah?" Naruto asked.

"I need a favour," he said slowly.

"What do you need us to do?" Naruto asked.

"I need some help going thr-through the Uchiha compound," Sasuke said.

"Cleaning?" Sakura asked.

"Packing," Sasuke corrected.

Sakura nodded. "I think we can continue this later, eh, Naru?"

"Yeah, I think so too," Naruto said. "Have you got any boxes or trash bags at home?"

"Not enough for the whole compound, I don't think," Sasuke said.

Naruto looked at the kunoichi. "Know where my clones can get enough?"

"The alleyways behind the stores in the market," Sakura said. "Especially the restaurants, fruit stands, and bars."

Naruto must've made five dozen clones, who all ran in different directions. The original stayed with Sasuke, who led him and Sakura to his home.

The Compound was... tidy. Very tidy. Sasuke had made sure of it.

The last Uchiha toed off his sandals. "Thank you for this. Please come in. Erm, take a few boxes, but leave the rest in the hallway."

Naruto and Sakura followed Sasuke into the kitchen. Sasuke pulled out a map of the compound, and gave it to Sakura, their resident planner.

"Okay, game plan time. What exactly do we need to do?"

"Empty every house," Sasuke said, "including furniture. I plan on getting rid of a ton of stuff, but some will need to be stored."

"Okay. Are we selling or donating?" Sakura asked. She'd gotten a pen from somewhere when he wasn't looking.

"Selling some, donating others," Sasuke said.

"Okay," she said, writing something on her arm.

"Last question," Naruto said, shooting a look at Sakura. "Are we doing this by house or by item?"

"... Item," Sasuke said. "It'll make it so we don't mix up the boxes, at least."

"Cool," Sakura said. "What are we starting with?"

"Kitchen items," Sasuke decided. They were pretty generic. Wouldn't call up any memories.

"Hear that, clones?" Naruto called.

"Yes, boss!" came a cacaphony of voices.

"THEN GO FORTH, AND BRING HONOR TO OUR NAME, DATTEBAYO!"

"YES, BOSS!"

Sasuke chuckled. Sakura smiled.

~?~

By the time the first few clones came back, the original Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura had a few boxes ready.

Sakura marked one of the boxes **UTENSILS** , a few others **METAL POTS** , some others **CERAMICS** , and still a few others **FINE CHINA**.

"I'll name the other boxes as they come," Sakura said at his look.

They needed quite a few boxes for the ceramics, and most of the wodden chopsticks were unusable. A few clones set up near the sink, washing whatever they could. There was a fresh trash bag set up by the one who was washing, for everything that was too broken or mouldy or rusty to be donated.

"Make sure they don't break!" Sasuke yelped when one of the clones came back with an entire closet filled with wedding china. Clone-Naruto smiled sheepishly and set it down gently before taking out the plates and cups and other items, giving them to the clone who was washing dishes.

Sakura cooed over lovely purple porcelain plate with light blue and pale pink flowers.

"You can keep it if you want," Sasuke said, wiping down a few of the dusty dishes.

"Oh, no! I couldn't possibly!" Sakura flushed, tearing her eyes away, putting down the plate.

"Anything you want is yours. Remember, anything we don't keep gets donated or sold. And it's a large compound."

Sakura blushed and took a marker to a fresh box. **SAKURA** came on one of the boxes, and **NARUTO** on another. With some hesitation, she scrawled **KAKASHI** on a third, and slipped the purple plates she'd been looking at in separate sheets of paper, with the matching bowls and teapot. "Naruto, can you send your clones for Kaka-sensei?"

"Sure thing!" A few more clones were already settling some pots, pans, cups, metal chopsticks, plates, bowls, and teapots in his box. "Finally! Cups without cracks!"

Sasuke didn't look so sure about bringing Kakashi. His kitchen was pretty full already.

But Sakura looked so at peace, bossing around the clones and wrapping his dead family's dishes in paper and bubble wrap. And really, it maybe wasn't fair that their commander didn't get any of his fabulous material wealth.

Sasuke went back to going through the ceramics. He put away some of the pots and pans in his cupboard, and kept some of the nice dishes in the glass case one of Naruto's clones had brought.

Kakashi came a few hours later, and graciously took orders from Sakura and Naruto's clones. He put a few generic-looking dishes in his box, and got a few more boxes. The filled ones were promptly delivered to the orphanages.

They worked together smoothly until the kitchen supplies were all rid of.

"What next?" Sakura asked.

"Books. Information. Scrolls," Sasuke breathed. "Be sure to check under beds and floorboards, or tapestries. But be careful with the tapestries and wall art - that's one of the things we have to go over."

Sasuke kept all the scrolls with black and silver marks on it, because those were usually clan techniques. Anything else - ya know, aside from the old porn books Kakashi took and whatever Sakura or Naruto found interesting - was donated.

"Next?"

"Footwear. Boots, sandals, sneakers, the like."

Sasuke sprayed every single pair with deodorant, and slipped a few extra pairs in Kakashi's box. Sakura and Naruto had no such compunctions, and each took a few pairs that fit them as they were, and a few more they could grow into.

"Jewelry next," he said, anticipating the question. "... but tomorrow. It's night."

Sakura yelped. "I'm past curfew!" She pulled on the sandals she'd left at the door. "I'll see you all tomorrow!"

Sasuke nodded. "Tomorrow."

Naruto shot a look to the clock on the wall and grimaced. "My neighborhood's really dangerous this part of night."

"I can take you home," Kakashi offered.

"Or you can stay the night," Sasuke added.

Naruto cracked his knuckles without really thinking. "Is your couch okay?"

"Yeah."

Kakashi eye-smiled. "Okay. I guess I'll just go home too-"

"OH, NO, YOU DON'T!" Naruto said, grabbing his wrist before he could disappear. "You're not coming five hours late this time! Not tomorrow! You're staying the night, and I'll make rice and eggs in the morning, and it's gonna be gross, and you're gonna enjoy it!"

Kakashi ruffled Naruto's hair. "If you insist."

~?~

They didn't really verbally acknowledge it anymore. Not like they ever did in the first place.

Sasuke didn't really go verbal with much. Especially feelings. But this was his way of providing for his team and making himself invaluable without really putting much effort into it. Sakura and Naruto were becoming more grounded shinobi because of some of his gifts, like Naruto's new weapons, and Sakura's sealing scrolls. Sasuke wants them to improve and be strong, so his team isn't weak. And by using things he'll never have use for, he at once gets rid of closet clutter and helps his teammates.

It's easy. And he's socially awkward. By using the gifts, it's an easy talking point. And people are more willing to ignore your faults if you get them something they want. It's the most natural thing in the world for Sasuke.

Sakura, who's never been a good shinobi, has been improving in leaps and bounds since Sasuke's scrolls and suggestions. And she's becoming more tolerant of Naruto, since he's getting less loud and less insult-y (or less insults with actual force are uttered), and he tends to ask her out less.

To Naruto, they've made a world of difference. They're working together more, and they're an actual team, y'know? And he's never been given gifts for no reason before. Some ANBU teams gave him gifts sometimes if he was good, usually in the way of soup or other foods. Neko gave him a few kunai when he was six. But Sasuke was right - orange clothing was too eye-catching and bright for ninja work. And he was giving him weapons, treating him to dinner. Naruto had never been cared for this since he could remember. He knew Inu and Neko taught him a few things on how to cook, and they practically raised him when he was a baby.

He hadn't seen them since he was seven, though. That had been a painful loss. Especially when he asked the Hokage and jiji said they'd been reassigned.

He wouldn't be able to forget Inu or Neko, ever. But maybe he could let in Team 7, for all of Kakashi being late and Sakura being bad at taijutsu and Sasuke giving gifts at random.

~?~

They woke up that morning to the smell of burnt rice and Naruto's frantic yelping.

Sasuke smiled fondly when he was in the kitchen. Naruto had created five clones, and he was wearing one of Dad's old night robes. It swam on him, and the clones tripped on it some, but it was less weird, he knew, than if Naruto had chosen one of his mom's yukatas.

Kakashi seemed to have gone home for his fresh change of clothes and a shower, because he wasn't stinky and he was dripping. He was also studiously and stubbornly teaching Naruto how to make a good pot of rice, with increasing frustration.

"Gods!" he finally exclaimed. "You're worse at cooking than your father! And HE cooked your mother's wedding ring into a cake SIXTEEN TIMES! I've seen him BURN WATER, Naruto!"

Naruto and Sasuke froze.

"You... knew my parents?"

Kakashi froze too. "Hells. Naruto, I can't tell you about them. Not even their names. I wish I could, I really do, but the Hokage ordered no contact. I'm breaking half a dozen rules by pulling the string to have you on my team at all."

Naruto turned his eyes towards his feet and popped the shadow clones. "I get it. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Sasuke asked incredulously, and started shaking Naruto by the shoulders until the blond was dizzy. "This is not your fault! It's not even Kakashi's, or your parents'. It's the dumb villagers who keep saying you're a liability for some fucking reason!"

"They're scared of me," Naruto mumbled. "They've been scared of me since I was a baby."

"And what good reason is there to be scared of a baby?" Sasuke asked pointedly.

"No reason?," Naruto repeated hesitantly.

"No reason," Sasuke confirmed with a small smile.

Kakashi ruffled their hair and ignored their yelping. He loved these kids.

Sakura barreled in. "WHY DO I SMELL SOMETHING BURNING?"

"I BURNED SOMETHING!" Naruto yelled back.

"THAT MAKES SENSE," Sakura yelled again. She held up a brown paper bag. "I brought tea!"

~?~

Naruto's clones were very useful indeed.

The uchiwa on the back of most clothes had to be ripped off. Sakura managed to find a seam ripper and go through all the clothing with methodical precision.

Except for the things she, Naruto, Kakashi, and Sasuke decided to keep. Naruto seemed to need a whole new wardrobe, and even took some more for when he grew out of what he could currently have.

Sakura wrote a few seals on Naruto's box so nothing inside would break, and a few others so the box would expand to fit anything Naruto put inside. The blond looked close to proposing marriage.

"Whatcha doin'?" one of the Narutos asked.

"I'm taking the clan emblem off the clothes," Sakura said. "So strangers don't go around wearing it."

"I guess these can't be sold, then," Naruto said, holding up a pair of pajamas with uchiha fans printed all over - probably on the original fabric bolt, too.

"No, not really," Sakura scrunched up her nose at the gaudy fabric. "I can teach you how to take 'em off. It would go faster."

"Sure!"

"Okay. So, make a few shadow clones with this in your hand," Sakura started.

Sasuke was paler than usual as he watched all the sewn-on emblems come off the clothing. Anything that was printed or painted would be kept or burned. He didn't like seeing them so mercilessly tear through the fabric, but it did his heart good to know no one other than his team and their instructor would be wearing their colours.

Kakashi led him into the kitchen while a few clones took the last boxes of adult footwear to a thrift store. He made a pot of tea, and they both sipped it softly as Naruto's clones put a few clothing articles in the kitchen and stated organizing the boxes.

"You don't have to be here, you know," Kakashi whispered.

"I know," Sasuke said. "I want to be here."

Kakashi nodded solemnly. "Okay."

They sat in silence.

~?~

"What next?"

"Jewelry and accessories. And after that, weapons and armor."

Naruto's clones scattered.

They came home carefully, with jewelry boxes and some weapons pouches. Sakura picked up a lovely lockable jewelry box with grooves etched in the wood, and little misshapen shuriken stars all around the sides.

They were all polishing around the lovely gems and precious metals and wood, restoring a faint shine. Sasuke put aside the ones with flaking paint, and decided he would get them worked on.

Quite a few pieces were put in Sakura's box, like always. Mostly hair pins and chokers. She apparently didn't like to keep things on her hands or fingers if they weren't skin-tight gloves that wouldn't crease easily.

Sasuke only hesitated when Naruto pressed Dad's ring into his hand. "You're clan head now, so it's yours," he insisted.

Sasuke slipped it on his thumb. It was still too big for his index finger. But the groves were still present, and there were flecks of wax between the dips and curves.

 _I'll avenge you all,_ Sasuke silently promised, pressing the ring to his chin.

"Ooh!" Sakura exclaimed when she found a flower-patterned hair wrap that would go well with the comb and poison pins. She'd been picking out a lot of flower things, actually, now that he thought of it. A lot of the jewelry she'd found and decided to keep was flowers that could be kept in her hair. That was sort of funny, now that he thought of it. She'd have a veritable flower patch if she tried to wear it all at once.

 _Maybe I'll have some help at it, though,_ he amended.

If he couldn't trust Team Seven, who could he trust?

Sasuke let a small, contented smile grace his features, and hid it with his tea cup and new shuriken-patterned blue scarf.

(He idly wondered if they knew that, because they'd accepted his clan symbols, they'd practically been adopted into the family. His smile widened behind his cup, and he took a long sip. He certainly wasn't going to be the one to mention it.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2020/05/28


	2. Where are you coming from?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can be honest with myself.  
> I know I'm not going to get it much better than it already is.  
> So.  
> Enjoy.

Sasuke kept all the pieces of jewelry that were centuries-old heirlooms, or anything with his clan symbol on it. Sakura kept anything with flowers (even if she admitted she was only likely to wear whatever she couldn't see). Curiously, Naruto kept a necklace with a nine-tailed fox, and most of whatever had a swirl.

Sasuke took a deep breath after organizing the jewelry that had to be sold into a pile, and decided to take a day's break from packing to sort everything, and the others graciously returned to the training grounds while he hunted for someone to help him with the restoration of some of the pieces.

He asked Midori Homura for her help with the jewelry that needs some touch-ups and repairs. He stored them in Mom's jewelry box, and left before the memories suffocated him.

Naruto was waiting outside with a bright smile, babbling as he took Sasuke by the wrist and dragged him away that they were having a team meeting at Ichikaru Ramen to discuss training and possible specialties.

Kakashi was a Ninjutsu specialist and explained the qualifications it took to earn that title. It took at least two chakra natures (either natural or developped) and a minimal understanding of the other three, and being able of using either of the five in a fight. He explained that the Sharingan was useful in every field possible, not just genjutsu, because of the eidetic qualities.

Naruto, apparently, had been thinking about his specialty for a while and decided it would be according to his abilities if he could do traps & evasion, and ninjutsu. He may also want to expand his abilities with more application, once he got a handle on everything. He also wanted to avoid becoming overconfident, because overconfidence was how ANBU kept failing to catch him despite being top-tier assassins, so maybe he should get a bit of everything into his arsenal.

Sakura wanted to be a poisons mistress, and work with fuuinjutsu. There wasn't a lot she could glean above c-rank in Sasuke's scrolls, since the Uchiha were more focused on genjutsu and ninjutsu than the sealing arts and Naruto still couldn't get past most of the complicated barrier seals on the compound safes, but Kakashi promised he could get her some from the Hokage's library. Upon request, he also looked at a paralytic recipe she was making out of common tree sap and saltwater, and noted a few inconsistencies with the design that she could correct. He similarly warned her to have stronger mixtures, a few antidotes, and varying poisons whose cures cancelled each other in case of immunity or accidental self-poisoning. And that some of the chemical designs were touchy.

Sasuke didn't know what he wanted to do. All he knew, was that the Mangekyo Sharingan wasn't something he wanted to be using, if he ever got it. Especially Tsukuyomi. It make his stomach curl uncomfortably, thinking of Itachi.

Kakashi said he shouldn't ignore a possible advantage on the battlefield if he was backed into a corner - but it was in a tone that said he understood Sasuke's point.

Sasuke wasn't going to ignore the sharingan, but he... maybe normal genjutsu, or... or there are specialties with Uchiha techniques that weren't sharingan-related, right? Like, there were _versatile_ fire techniques - there was a reason the Uchiha had been Enemy Number One for so long when the Hyuuga had a better bloodline limit, the Kaguya were more grumpy, and the Yamanaka-Akimichi-Nara alliance was far more numerous. Like, he'd once seen Aunt Kikyo do a shield, and Cousin Homura had blue fire, and Uncle Haruhi used to use whips with his element. Wait, hold on. Was an element even a specialty?

Well, Sakura didn't know. But maybe it was good to specialize in another element, too, like lightning or something. Unless the Uchiha fire jutsu were a clan specialty, and then yeah! It's just like the Yamanaka mind techniques, or the Nara's shadows, or the Hyuuga stick-up-the-assery. But that doesn't mean you still shouldn't experiment with other jutsu. Like, that huge repository of knowledge and weapons in the compound didn't come from nowhere.

Whoa! Then, Kaka-sensei, could you set Naruto up with a medic-nin? 'Cause then Team Seven would have all the bases covered, right? Like, Sakura's gonna be studying plants and what they do 'n stuff already, but it would be nice to have iryo-ninjutsu, too. So all the bases are rounded out, yanno?

Sasuke's cheeks puffed out at this. Well then, _Sasuke_ needs to get some sensoring into his system. No use having all these abilities if they couldn't even tell where their enemies _were_. He's sure there are some scrolls in the Compound on that subject... But Naruto's right, too! Sasuke shouldn't get too wrapped up in a single subject. So medicine wouldn't be a bad school of study. But maybe some theoretical work on technique construction and making a signature move...

Kakashi chuckled. His bowl was emptied before they could see Kakashi's mask go down. "My cute little students. You're all going to be absolutely perfect."

~?~

They got back to clearing the compound the day after - or, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura did. Kakashi was called to the Hokage's office for reasons they didn't really know or care about.

The musical instruments had to be evaluated for quality - Sasuke would keep one of every type and sell the rest after a good polishing. Sakura managed to nab a nice chuzao shamisen, though, and filched a few music sheets.

The wall art was mostly sold. Anything with the clan symbol, flowers, rainbows, or canines was kept (respectively) by Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto, and Naruto for Kakashi - he smelled like dog a lot.

All the old armor and weapons were smelted and Sasuke sold the metal. Except anything that was sealed, a chakra-conductor weapon, still high-quality, not rusted, or an heirloom.

Almost everything had to be sealed up in scrolls and put under floorboards until it all fit. But this was everything he wanted to keep. So that's what he kept, and he was done. It was over. He wanted to move on, once and for all, and lose what he didn't need.

He then signed the paperwork to make four of the largest buildings into orphanages, rent a few of the buildings, and level a few others to make way for a mid-sized swamp where they could train in chakra control.

He saw Sakura's and Naruto's eyes light up when he said it was theirs to train with. The koi and frogs swimming beneath, the newly-planted flowers on the surface, uneven density, dirt, lily pads, air bubbles, and algae would make it perfect for running laps on, since you had to constantly change the amount of chakra you projected.

But that would have to wait until the swamp actually grew those things on its own. It took about three months and a few algae eaters until the swamp was ready.

Sakura got it the quickest, much to her delight and Kakashi's obvious amusement. He took her away, loudly saying something about her chakra control records and water jutsu. It only pushed the boys harder and faster.

~?~

It was after seventeen Tora missions, five fence-paintings, twelve babysittings, thirty-four miscellaneous common chores, and twenty-seven entertainment gigs within the month that Naruto snapped. He'd been saying Lady Koroko's lines in his sleep! Sakura was even fiddling with her ink pots, and Sasuke hadn't given them gifts in a week (which was starting to get weird, since he LOVED giving gifts)! Enough was enough.

"OLD MAN!" Naruto abruptly yelled when they got back to the mission desk, covered in feathers and cooking oil. "We don't want any more weird D-ranks. Don't you got any better missions?"

"Dobe, we've got to work our way up to it," Sasuke said half-heartedly.

"We have!" Naruto riposted. "We're six months out of the Academy, and we've trained a lot! I finally have tree-walking down to an art y'know, and walking on water is sort of good. We played tag upside-down for five hours yesterday! I need some excitement in my life!"

Sakura sighed. "Ya know what? He's kinda got a point. The missions are getting too easy. And as long as it's low-risk, I think we've got a good chance."

"I'm staying out of this conversation," Kakashi said.

"Does that mean you disapprove?" The Hokage asked.

"It means I'm itching to watch Tora bleed, and if we don't get going, I may kill it." He'd never taken a Tora mission since he was five and he told Minato-sensei that he'd set the cat on fire if they repeated that particular mission. It was easy to remember why, seeing his kids come back covered in mud, blood, scratches, shredded paper, ink, and fruit peels.

"Hn," Sasuke agreed. He reached behind his ear to pull chicken feathers out of his hair.

"The Tora missions are a steady source of income for the village," the Sandaime said. "I can't have you getting rid of the cat. What I can do is give you a break. There are a few C-ranks on the agenda."

"Gimme _gimmegimme_!" Kakashi growled.

Iruka filched them, turned them upside-down and spread them out like cards. "Pick a mission, any mission."

Sasuke stole one at the same time as Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi. Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "We've really got to find a better way of doing these things."

"Escort mission. Rock Countr- Nope, I'm wanted there," Kakashi said, tossing it back on the table.

"You're wanted everywhere," Sakura said.

"I'm especially wanted there," Kakashi corrected himself.

"Anyways, no take-backs," Naruto said. He looked at his paper. "Guarding mission for some old geezer on his way to the Land of Waves. Low-risk."

"I've got an escort mission for a family of pot makers in Water Country," Sasuke interrupted. "Estimated duration: Seven-" he squinted, "sunsets? So, one-fourth of a lunar interval. Why couldn't they just say that?"

"Saves space on the paper to just say 7 suns," Kakashi said.

"Nokoribi. A clan wants us to do their paperwork." Sakura dropped the paper with disgust. "If I never wish for paperwork, it'll be too soon."

"So. Nami or Mizu no kuni," Sasuke said.

"Hey, Kaka-sensei. Can we do both missions?" Naruto asked.

"No," Kakashi said.

Sakura fiddled with one of the pins in her hair. "Which do you think would be the harder one?"

Kakashi took the pages from his boys. "Well, the one for Nami's about two moon rotations long. We have to protect him from common bandits as he guards a bridge. No Tora for all that time."

No Tora for sixty-one sunsets? That was absolute music to his ears.

"Nami!" Sasuke yelled. "The one for Nami."

An old geezer walked in. He reeked of booze and looked a foot in the grave already.

"'re you thhe bratzz put on muh mizzy?" he asked, and stumbled.

"WE'RE NOT BRATS, BELIEVE IT!"

Kakashi caught Naruto by the back of his shirt and lifted him off the ground, his other hand still holding Icha Icha.

Iruka had already put away the other mission folders.

"Is it too late to ask for another mission?" Sakura asked quietly.

"Yup!" Kakashi said cheerfully. "It is ABSOLUTELY too late. Bitchy clients are a part of the job."

Sasuke sighed. "Alright then. Tomorrow at noon?"

"That sounds great," Sakura said, and dragged Naruto away from the boozy old man.

~?~

Sakura and Kakashi seemed to be without a bag. It made the drunkard somewhat worried, until he dove deep in another bottle.

Halfway through the trip, the boys lost their bags, too. But he got another bottle, and it was just a minor annoyance.

Tazuna really only screamed and dropped the cheap booze when Kakashi fell over with several kunai in his side.

Sasuke looked at Naruto. "Reach."

He reached under his haori for a kusarigama. He met one of the duo with vigor and tangled up their chain long enough for Sasuke to slash one's throat and Sakura to poison the other.

Naruto deftly untangled his weapon back under his top. "Oh, would you shut up, you old geezer! Kaka-sensei, you're being weird! Stop being weird!"

The vision of Kakashi laying dead vanished. It was a log covered with kunai.

"WHY ARE YOU STILL YELLING?"

~?~

"So, just to get this straight. This mission is actually misranked ON PURPOSE, and you neglected to mention it the entire time everyone was attacking so you could scream bloody murder."

"That's about the gist of it."

Sakura snatched the cheap booze out of his hand and smashed it against a rock. "No more liquor for you."

She spent the next five hours snatching away various bottles of booze, until Sasuke drew a kunai on a white-furred fluffy bunny.

And that's exactly when everything went to shit.

"Hatake Kakashi the friend killer," the weird sword dude drawled.

"Momochi Zabuza of the hidden mist," Kakashi said. He was still in a slouch.

Naruto was rifling through his bingo book, and finally stopped on a specific page. "Momochi Zabuza. 'Demon of the bloody mist', who killed his entire graduating class the year he became a Genin. A-rank."

"Of fucking course," Sasuke sighed.

Kakashi gurgled as he was caught in the water prison. "Kids, run! You're never going to be able to take him down!"

Yeah. Yeah, no. Sasuke hasn't spent so much time and effort on his team for it to just disappear. He's going to keep them alive if it kills him.

He's never taken orders well.

Naruto was strongest in chakra and stamina. He could barely water-walk, and none of them knew any horribly powerful jutsus. Except the shadow clones. He could belt out shadow clones like no tomorrow, and send a barrage of technqiues his opponent's way before feeling mildly tired. Most jounin would die of chakra exhaustion from the same feat.

Sakura was adept at water-walking. She could keep it up for sixteen minutes before passing out. But not jutsus on the water - that drains her faster. Except for seals - she could write about fifty exploding seals an hour for five days before getting tired - something about the difference between external chakra and internal chakra.

Sasuke smirked.

"Okay, I'm gonna go home," Sasuke said. His voice sounded genuine and bored.

"SASUKE-TEME!" Naruto chased after him.

"GUYS, OUR CLIENT!" Sakura's voice was wooden.

Sasuke hid behind a bush. "Okay, you guys aren't really stupid enough to fall for that. Here's the plan."

~?~

One of Naruto's shadow clones swam under the water, until it got to Zabuza's feet. Then it threw a kunai at his balls.

A second clone, who was swimming alongside Clone Number One, threw an exploding tag-wrapped kunai at the hand keeping Kaka-sensei where he was, forcing him to retreat and release the prison.

Zabuza turned to face the brats and the bridge builder, but was kept aside by Kakashi.

Kakashi held Zabuza's arm. He stood on the dripping surface, looking every bit the vengeful killer his epithet suggested.

"Okay, now I'm pissed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2020/06/07
> 
> Poll of 2020/06/16:
> 
> I know, I know. I suck for not posting an actual chapter. I'm sorry, but I really needed this read, and it seemed more efficient than making an author's note.  
> Listen, I need some feedback. It's gonna be a poll, and it's gonna heavily influence quite a few aspects, including interaction with characters from other villages and Team Seven's styles of fighting.
> 
> 1: The chuunin exams are coming up. Should Team Seven participate or not?  
> If they don't, I've got anime-specific missions to elaborate on. EX: Golden Statue Mission (which Sasunaru shippers may remember is the mission where Sasuke and Naruto got their hands stuck together and kissed while falling from a waterfall).
> 
> 2: If they are going into the Chuunin exams, which Hidden Village is hosting them? This is important because I've already got plans for all four of the other Hidden Villages, and they're all unique. And no, I'm not revealing aspects of those exams - I'd like for that to be a surprise.  
> 2a: My only stipulation for this one is that KONOHA CANNOT BE THE HOST VILLAGE. It appears too much in other fanfictions, and I'd like for mine to be unique in that fashion. Your choices are Suna, Iwa, Kumo, or Kiri.
> 
> Polling will end on 2020/06/21.
> 
> Thank you!


	3. All you have to do is make me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, the results of the poll are:  
> 10: no exams. **This was the winner of the poll, so the exams are happening six months after canon, as per the cycle of chuunin exams go.**  
>  5: Suna. **The current chuunin exams are occurring in Suna, because those were the results of the poll. Also, it lines up with a few things I already wanted to do so yay!**  
>  3: Kumo.  
> 2: Iwa and Kiri.

Kakashi needed to wake up. Naruto needed to get in some dry clothing. Sakura needed paper that wasn't falling apart under the water pressure. Their client needed to stop drinking for once in his life.

They all needed a lot of things.

"Naruto, there anything wrong with Kaka-sensei we should know about before we keep going?"

He snapped into position and his hands flickered with green chakra. The iryo-ninjutsu lessons had paid off, even if it was just a simple diagnostic technique they'd learned in the first week. He muttered under his breath until "he's safe to move", by which point he'd summoned a clone to help. And then he turned to Sakura and Sasuke. "Mild-to-mid chakra exhaustion. He can sleep it off. I mean, I think? Kabuto-san was kinda unclear, and the only chakra-exhaustion patient I got to check out before was an Akimichi, and their chakra's already pretty wonky."

"Easy enough to take at face value," Sasuke said, "and if it goes on for more than three days we'll wake him up anyway." Sasuke turned to Tazuna. "Shall we go, or are you too drunk to lead us to your house?"

Yeah, maybe not the language to use with a client. But fuck propriety. He'd lured them into a situation where they were likely to be killed. And without their teacher, they were extra likely to die. He'd gotten them into this mess, and now he can take the piss for it.

Tazuna scowled. "This way."

Sakura fiddled with her inkpot, before sliding it back in the folds of the pouch on her left leg. "I'll scout ahead. Sasuke, if you could supervise and make sure Tazuna-teme doesn't get us in more trouble?"

"Erm, how'll you alert us?" Naruto asked. "Ya know, if there's something you can't do alone."

Sakura paused. "Well, we can't send one of your clones ahead. It'll just put them on guard for an attack. If I'm physical and they beat me, they probably won't be expecting you to know exactly where I am."

"Did you get to contact seals in the scrolls yet?" Sasuke asked.

Contact seals were at once a silent alarm system and a tracker. They glowed when they were activated, and got warmer when you got closer to its twin.

"... They're sort of persnickety, but I can try." She picked up a rock and carefully drew an intricate array, and she pressed two fingers to opposite ends of the rock. The seal melted under her fingertips, and pulsed three times to indicate completion. "Now for part two."

Maybe it shocked Tazuna when she split the rock down the middle with her kunai, but at this point, Sakura couldn't care less. He was an ass who might get them all killed, including himself.

Sakura picked both up and tossed one to Sasuke. "It should glow if I need you."

Sasuke gave it a try and pulsed chakra into the little square on the edge of the uneven stone. Sakura's stone glowed just long enough for her to see it, and she pulsed another so Sasuke's stone lit up, and fed another pulse to the rock so it would stop glowing.

"All good?"

"Yeah."

"Perfect. Bye."

Sakura went ahead.

~?~

Sasuke tossed and turned in his bed. It was quiet here, with none of the familiarity of home. The echoes of screams and deafening silence in his compound tortured him desperately until Inu gave him a singing stone. Maybe he should have taken the music rock with him.

The house had eleven bedrooms. The family said they'd been renting it before Gato came, and had gradually been lowering the prices while the village slipped further and further into poverty, but eventually, the lowered prices were too low for the family to survive on those wages and the prices were too high for the renters, and they all had to take another job after lowering the prices again. Even Inari, who'd become a trash collector at below minimum wage.

Tazuna had insisted on them all getting a room to themselves since they were protecting their livelihood and helping to bring prosperity back to their home. The renters Tazuna refused to turn away were doubling up on their rooms, or sleeping in the communal bathrooms or hallways. None of which were particularly good options - it was cold and windy outside, and some of the walls were so worn down by lack of care, the hallways were freezing.

It felt impolite to refuse their generosity, even as it obviously got under Sakura's skin.

He sat up when he heard a knock on his door. The chakra signature was unmistakable. "Come in, Naruto."

The blond came in with a flat pillow and a crudely-patched blanket, generously provided by their compatriots. "Sasuke, can I sleep in here?"

Sasuke scooted to one side of the bed. "Sure, Naruto," he said, and fell asleep after about an hour of listening to Naruto's snoring.

When he woke up, Sakura's hair was draped over his face and Naruto's snoring had somehow gotten louder. And he hoarded blankets, too - Sakura was practically draped over Sasuke.

... This was odd.

But he might as well tell Tazuna that Sakura and Naruto's rooms were open for rent again.

~?~

Kakashi woke up that afternoon. He was wincing each time he moved and kept drifting in and out of consciousness, but he was able to keep some light broth and bread down.

Naruto stayed with him and made sure nothing was wrong. Kakashi confirmed it was chakra exhaustion, and he wouldn't be able to fight or do much more than study until his system got enough energy to let him move again.

He couldn't even stand without help! That was freaky!

"Naruto, would you calm down? I'm not dying. For the moment, we're safe. Now, here's what we're gonna do."

Kakashi's plan was actually pretty smart. Naruto's clones would patrol in groups of two while Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura sparred on water or upside-down, no chakra except in the feet.

The most they got from the tenants after the screaming not to jump off the bridge, YOU'RE GONNA GIVE US ALL FUCKING HEART CONDITIONS, and not to do it at three in the morning.

Civilians were so weird.

Kakashi got better throughout the week. He could stand with the aid of crutches.

During the first week, he taught Sakura the hand seals for a B-rank water technique and a C-rank earth justu, Naruto how to dodge more efficiently, and Sasuke a few fire techniques he'd picked up while the Uchiha clan was still thriving. Naruto's bruises actually took the whole night to heal, and Sasuke and Sakura were exhausted from mutual chakra exhaustion. Sasuke had been standing on the water while practicing a fire-breathing long-distance technique because Kakashi was persnickety about pyromania, and Sakura had been building her chakra stores. Sakura's new Water technique worked best in high humidity, and Kakashi told her it was best to train within high humidity (i.e. in the rain), and the Earth technique didn't work as well with damp ground.

A few of Naruto's clones stuck to Tazuna like glue, but he was mostly picking up construction supplies. The construction, Tazuna said, would start on week three, after flood season was over.

Sasuke hunted and caught a nice, big rabbit, and Kakashi told him how to make it into a soup. They ate well that night. Any leftovers were bottled, sealed tight (not the ink kind of sealing), and put away for later in the week.

In the second week, Naruto was doubling his patrols and working on a relatively simple but strong Earth shield. It was finally raining, and Sakura was starting to get better at the hiding-in-mist technique. She and Sasuke trained with each other to improve Sasuke's sensing and genjutsu, and sharpening Sakura's seismic sense while multitasking with ninjutsu.

When the waters from the river started to get into the foundations of their house, Sakura wrote a few seals on the lentils and ceilings. Their leaky roof was fixed within the day, and Naruto painted over the water damage with a shinobi paint that sealed cracks. Lucky, too - they were coming up on the cold season.

In the third week, Kakashi was tied down with four clones taking eight-hour shifts to make sure he stayed asleep, and one extra to play games with the one off-duty. Chakra exhaustion usually left you feeling exhausted for the first week, and paranoid for the second, and like you'd just pulled every muscle ever in the third. Using chakra just made it worse, so Kakashi was temporarily put on Hold. The three guarded Tazuna and helped with construction using basic techniques in different ways. Replacement Jutsu when they fell from high places, basic water and earth to help with the foundations, and a few to fuse the stone and metal into place.

Sasuke, appalled by the state of their kitchen knives, sharpened or re-melted them. The metal was oddly bumpy, but at least they weren't dull as butter spreaders.

In the fourth, Kakashi was on his feet again, sans crutches. He was meditating to recover chakra and pretending to read a trashy romance novel, looking after his kids. While Sasuke's sensing wasn't automatic, Kakashi had been taken by surprise too many times to ever truly relax. He could feel all the way up the river and somewhat beyond. He had his dogs covertly along that radius, expanding his radius significantly.

He taught Naruto some 95th percentile chakra techniques until he passed out, and a few medical ninjutsu. He drilled Sakura on seals until Sakura was complaining of a dry inkpot and worn paper. He taught Sasuke some basic genjutsu and gave him a few pointers on how to improve his sensing.

He similarly sat Sasuke down for a chat on the fourth interval's sunrise, far enough in the forest so the others wouldn't overhear.

"Do you remember in the fight with Zabuza, when I revealed the Sharingan eye you know I have?" Kakashi whispered when they were safely in a tree.

Sasuke's shoulders drooped. He suddenly felt sleepy, despite it being early in the morning. "Yeah."

"I wanted to reassure you that it's not doujutsu theft. There are records of my having this eye since I was about thirteen somewhere in the clan archives you didn't let Naruto's clones go through, and you should be able to kind them labeled under Kannabi Bridge."

Sasuke shifted and yawned. "Can you tell me the story yourself?"

Kakashi's throat felt tight and his stomach churned, but he said "Alright. My teammate and I were getting a bit sidetracked looking for my third teammate, who'd been kidnapped. I lost my original eye by way of a lucky sword swipe, and my teammate - Uchiha Obito, by the way - was surely going to ie or spend the rest of his life an invalid. So he chose to die under a ton of boulders and give me one of his eyes. He said we'd 'see the future together'. And then we got back to the village, I was accused of stealing the Sharingan and the clan's techniques on dealing with the disadvantage, and effectively was banned from working with other Uchiha from that point on."

"Wait, so then, why can you work with me?" Sasuke rubbed his forearms.

"The current clan head can revoke any decision made by a past one. The minute you accepted me as your sensei, the contract of noninterference with the Uchiha was invalid," Kakashi said. "And you know the worst part? Obito was given a private memorial by the Uchiha. My other teammate and our sensei were allowed to attend, but I wasn't because it was perceived as Jutsu theft."

"That sounds... traumatizing," Sasuke murmured. He scooted a bit closer to Kakashi.

"Yup," Kakashi agreed. "Sensei practically chained me to a desk for the next few weeks." He looked over at the raven. "You're shaking," he noticed.

Sasuke's teeth bared, and he grabbed his elbows. "I'm just a bit cold," he croaked.

There was a travel cloak sealed into his vest, and he could give it to Sasuke. But he was also well aware that wasn't the sort of cold he meant. "Alright. Sakura was making dandelion tea back at the house. We could use a cup."

It was a while before Sasuke stood and started through the trees again, running so fast his legs ached. Kakashi, damn him, had no problems keeping up.

~?~

In the fifth week, Zabuza and Haku attacked the Bridge. (Everything went to shit.)

Being a medical shinobi, Naruto mostly stayed out of the fight, guarding Tazuna. But since he was also very stubborn and protective, he had a few clones in the mirror dome with Sasuke and Sakura.

From the way the last one popped, they weren't doing very well. But it wasn't like any of them could see really well, with all the fog.

Like, aside from Kakashi or Sasuke, who could probably Sense where everyone was. Or Sakura, who was using echos and seismatic something - he wasn't really listening.

Actually, maybe the only one who couldn't see here was Naruto.

He should work on that. The thought of being lesser than anyone else made something deep in his gut bare its teeth.

Haku and Sakura were returning each others' senbon pins with fervor. Sasuke was trying to distract him with simple genjutsus. It held him at bay until Haku got used to it, and made Sasuke into a pincushion.

... Damn, but those senbon were tough. Even if he hadn't put on his armor today ( _"Foolish little brother"_ whispered Itachi's voice), he hadn't brought anything that didn't seriously cover his skin. And Sakura was sealing their clothing for toughness while retaining the softness as a sealing exercise Kakashi had advised. So it was in the gaps of fabric in his hakamashita that the senbon were buried.

He faintly heard Sakura hyperventilating and Naruto's scream of rage before he passed out from the pain.

Kakashi felt more than heard or saw Naruto's seal loosening. And he was suddenly too aware of literally everything, his chakra soaring to map everything. The rocks on the side of the bridge, the unused lumber, the dampness of the mist. One of his toenails was longer than the others. He felt a bit dizzy.

_("Kakashi," Obito whimpered from his place under the boulders. His legs ached, trying to kick and punch and push the boulder off what would surely be his best friend's corpse. movemovemovemovemovem-_

_"Kakashi-" Rin whispered, his arm surrounded by warm and wet and squishy._

_"Kakash-" Minato-shishou choked on his blood and his hands were shaking._

_"Kashi", Kushina-nee mumbled, reaching for him.)_

Zabuza was ten feet in front of him. Bull was next to a flickering Naruto, helping to guard the bridge builder. The rest of his pack were at his side, tiny noiseless growls in their throats.

They were waiting.

**drip, drip, drip**

He blurs.

~?~

Sakura was alone in the dome, facing an enemy far more powerful than she. All of Naruto's clones had popped, and Sasuke was unconscious.

If he was awake, they might-

"I'm very sorry about this," she heard her enemy whisper.

And she faltered. That must be a trick to catch her off guard, right? Because there was no way he was following unavoidable orders if he was Missing. Otherwise, what would he be fee-

The pause proved to be horribly unwise. Her neck, not as protected as the rest of her body, was easily pincushioned.

~?~

Naruto watched as Sakura adjusted her stance into a wider, more steady position. But gravity won that battle, and she face-planted into the ground.

He heard screaming, wild and animalistic. He felt something breaking under his claws, a sickening snap.

His friends smelled like blood.

He looked at Zabuza with rage in every facet of his being. "You did this."

"Stay out of this, Naruto!" Kakashi yelled somewhere through the haze.

Naruto growled lowly, but he turned back to Sasuke and Sakura, still motionless, and whimpered. The powerful energy collected, bubbling to the surface, and stayed just beneath his skin. His claws were perfect for dexterity, and he carefully removed each thin senbon from Sakura's neck, healing all the while. He then moved to Sasuke, and carefully extracted the needles.

Haku was still out cold.

Like Sasuke and Sakura.

He dragged Sasuke over to Sakura by the loose clothing and curled around them, his arms curling around Sasuke and his tail pulling Sakura close. "Mine," he growled, and his claws dug into Sasuke's back.

Naruto wasn't really paying attention for the next few minutes, beyond listening to Sakura and Sasuke breathing, ever-so-softly. He kept an ear to Haku's watery breathing and Kakashi's metal clangs, and growled at Tazuna when he got too close.

"Ah, good, you've disposed of them," said a new arrival who smelled like danger, unfazed by the sight of Zabuza near death on Kakashi's arm.

Tazuna shuffled closer to Naruto, and stayed frozen in place despite the jinchuuriki's warning growls.

"So you're Gato," Kakashi said, a facade of calm seeping into his bones. His feet remained tense.

"Oh, yeah, and I really should thank you for disposing of them. Now I don't have to pay their contracts."

Zabuza coughed blood all down Kakashi's front. "Motherfuckerin' bitch," he groaned.

Haku stirred. "Zabuza-sama?"

Kakashi remained tense and didn't move his arm. "Your student's good."

"Yours outnumber him," Zabuza growled back. "Haku, Gato's bein' a bitch."

"Say no more," Haku smiled, and blurred.

~?~

Naruto was covered with blood and sleeping on a tarp when he woke up.

Kakashi was stoking a campfire.

... His memories rushed back to him all at once. He sat up with a start.

"How was your sleep?" asked an obviously overtired Kakashi.

"Where're Sasuke and Sakura?" Naruto yelled.

"Back at Tazuna's house," Kakashi said. "The work contract isn't complete yet, and we have some things to talk about."

"Like what?" Naruto asked.

"Do you know there's a chakra beast sealed in you?" he asked bluntly.

"Well, yeah!" he said. "Of course!"

"Good. That's a good start. Now, are you aware that your seal loosened?"

"Loosened?" Naruto echoed. "Is something wrong?"

Kakashi broke the stick he'd been poking the fire with and moved the forward half until it was engulfed by fire. "Everything will be fine. You'll just have to adjust a bit."

Naruto tilted his head.

"Try to walk up one of the trees," Kakashi ordered.

Naruto walked confidently towards one of the nearer trees and was blown off the side when he funneled too much chakra into the tree. "My chakra control's all wonky," Naruto noted from where he'd been thrown into the tree opposite. "Can you fix it?"

"Yes. And it might be a nice opportunity for Sakura to learn about jinchuuriki seals. But are you sure you want me to? There's a huge amount of chakra that would come with a tailed beast."

"Yes!" Naruto yelled. "Kaka-sensei, I want my chakra back to the way it was! And remember that weird thing where I grew a tail?! What if that happens when I don't want it to?"

Kakashi exhaled. "Alright. But if you want the Kyuubi's chakra in the future, you're always welcome to come to me and loosen the seal again."

"Yatta!"

~?~

Naruto took off his overcoat, pulled up his shirt, and closed his eyes.

Kakashi's cold fingers tickled his belly, running over the black seal lines. "Sakura? Come see."

Sakura studied the seal. "Wow," she said. "That's fairly intricate. Is that a ratchet component?"

"Yes," Kakashi said. "But..."

"But," Sakura continued for him, "it's worn down. It's meant to hold up to stress and emotional trauma and keep the chakra from your nervous system while this goes on, but repeated applications of thi-." Sakura pressed her fingers against the edges of the seal. Her hands were warmer than Kakashi-sensei's. "Naruto, You're way stronger than anyone thinks."

That kinda came out of nowhere. "Um. Thanks?"

"The village has been cruel," Kakashi said. "It's always been so. Don't forget that."

"I won't," Sakura promised. "So, anyway, how do you fix a worn-down ratchet without rewriting an entire seal and adjust?"

"Like this," Kakashi demonstrated on a blank scroll. The swirl looked a bit more jagged, and the surrounding eight trigrams were a bit cleaner. Different than how Naruto had ver seen it.

"That's a different composition, and these symbols don't quite fit with the meaning," Sakura said, pointing out a few inconsistencies. She wrote some erasure runes, and rewrote for his approval. "See? Like this, maybe."

"No, but then this'll interfere with this. They're contradictions."

"Yeah, but it's canceled out by this piece. Naruto won't feel the Kyuubi's chakra at all if he doesn't consciously call for it."

Kakashi hummed. "Well, the artificial acupuncture bit is inspired. Except this sequence is the sort you'd put on a teapot or vase. You need to adjust the structure to suit a living thing."

Sakura squinted. "Okay. So what would you suggest?"

"Something like this," Kakashi said, and used blue ink to write over Sakura's black.

Sakura's eyes fluttered over the structure and smiled at the scroll. "Wow. This is gonna do great!" She turned to her teammate. "Okay Naruto, here's the deal. You're going to have access to the chakra if you want it, and you loosen the seal by conscious choice. I'll put a few seals on your hands so it can be done in the middle of a fight. And this'll keep the Kyuubi from taking you over. His voice is also gonna be sort of background noise - you won't be able to hear him if you block him out."

Naruto nodded. "Alright. Anything else I should know?"

Sakura looked at Kakashi.

"The seal will have to be adjusted every once and a while to maintain its strength," Kakashi said. "Sakura and I have the technical sealing knowledge to do it, but it's not necessarily a good idea compared to some other seal masters. I'm adequate, but nothing compared to Jiraiya of the Sannin."

Naruto had a slowly worsening seal for years. Kakashi and Sakura were the only ones who cared enough to fix it. He didn't even know who this 'Jiraiya of the three ninja' was. "I'd prefer you two."

"Alright," Sakura said.

Sakura pushed his shirt further up until it was bunched around his neck, and both Kakashi and Sakura settled at opposite sides of his stomach. They set an inkpot each on Naruto's chest, and Sakura held a container of concentrated chakra between her legs.

"Are you ready to start?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes," Sakura said.

~?~

Sasuke was asleep on the kitchen table when they came back, a minty smell coming from one of the inactive burners.

Naruto's legs were too weak to stand on - he felt as though he'd just ran a marathon of epic proportions. Kakashi was the one carrying him, while Sakura stumbled through the door, barely managing not to bump into the side of the door frame.

It was an exhausting night after an exhausting day - Kakashi couldn't blame them. He felt like plopping down on the couch and sleeping for a week.

Gato and most of his thugs had been killed in revenge. Zabuza had died on his hand, and Haku perished shortly afterward from broken ribs piercing his organs. The Bridge was likely safe, but they still had thirty more sunrises to fulfill their end of the bargain.

He supposed as he tucked Naruto into bed and watched Sakura crawl in after him that less time guarding Tazuna meant more time training.

This was going to be fun.

~?~

It was the sixth week, and Naruto was cursing Kakashi-sensei's ancestors.

"I'm gonna kill him," Naruto managed to groan. "There's sweat in my butt cheeks. I'm gonna kill him so hard."

Sasuke couldn't even manage that much, and let out a series of unintelligible noises.

Kakashi was drilling them all hard. He'd set Naruto up with a shadow clone and had him set up a makeshift free clinic for the bridge builders who'd gotten injured in construction - mostly blunt-force trauma, cuts, and burns. Sasuke had to run around the village seventy times before Kakashi was satisfied, increasing speed with motivational explosive tags if he slowed too much. As the weakest in taijutsu of the three, Kakashi stayed with Sakura and sprayed her with water if she tried to reach for her ink pots.

Sakura was washing off in the nearby river. She'd been out there for a while.

She might have fallen asleep.

He would go check on her if his legs weren't completely useless.

~?~

Naruto very stubbornly put his foot down on week seven.

Sasuke and Sakura were crazy exhausted. He was crazy exhausted. He was pretty sure Sakura might have a cold. And they all smelled like shit.

Scent seals only worked to an extent. And they hadn't washed their clothes in almost six weeks. That needed to be fixed.

Especially whatever Sakura was using to bind her boobs. She maintained that "the only thing big boobs are useful for is that you can suck your own tits", and consistently bound them tightly so they wouldn't bounce in the middle of spars (since Kakashi kinda liked to spring those at random). But she'd been wearing those binds the whole six weeks they'd been here, and they were starting to smell nasty, no matter how much she went into the baths with them soaking in a nearby bowl.

Kakashi capitulated on them having one day off, at least. So Sakura could sleep past noon and wash her bra, and Naruto and Sasuke could hunt for rabbit, and have a good night's sleep.

And then he went back to drilling them.

~?~

At week nine, the kids were happy to go back home and have a week off of hot springs and probably more sleep than was strictly healthy.

But it wasn't long until Sasuke was itching to give gifts again, and he knocked on Sakura's door before the fourth sunset.

"For you," Sasuke said, holding out a storage scroll.

Sakura blinked blearily. "Whaddizzit?"

"A book on sealing."

"Ranks?"

"They should be bookmarked in there. There're also a few new structures and stabilizers in there - there's a glossary at the end of it." Sasuke shuffled his feet on the wood of Sakura's front step.

Sakura beamed. "Thank you, Sasuke. I'll find this useful."

He tsked at her obvious joy. "You'd better," he said lamely.

"Would you like some tea? Mom made apple cinnamon."

"That sounds nice."

They spent the next forty minutes just sipping tea and chatting.

~?~

The next gift he gave Naruto the next day just after noon was a plant. It was a nice plant, tall and spinny. Aromatherapeutic, too, the Yamanaka flower shop clerk had assured him.

Naruto dragged him inside before Sasuke could even say "It's for you".

And he baulked at the sheer number of things scattered around his apartment.

It was cluttered, but not in a bad way. It looked lived-in.

"You've got a plant!" Naruto squealed.

"The smell is supposed to make people relax," Sasuke provided.

"Do you know how much sunlight it's supposed to get, or how many times a week should I water it?"

He knew he should've read the pamphlet. He darted a somewhat panicked look at the pot in his hands. "Uh-"

"Say no more," Naruto said, producing a clone. "Oh, before I forget!" he pulled something out from inside his fridge.

... It was a purple and grey rock with stripes. Mostly flat, and smoothed by water. He turned it over - there was an uneven painted uchiwa decorating the flatter side.

"It's my fidget rock," Naruto said. "I used to turn it over in my hands in the middle of class, and it helped me focus on what Iruka-sensei was saying. It didn't work a lot of the time, but it was still a nice feeling."

Sasuke's voice caught in his throat. Amaterasu above. He's kept this since he was six. There were little finger marks, and fingerprint grease where he'd rubbed it too hard.

"... Sas'ke?" Naruto asked. "Is everything alright?"

Everything was more than alright. But how could he articulate that he felt too happy to smile?

He put Naruto's fidget rock on the coffee table, and hugged the blond. "Thank you. I know it means a lot to you."

Naruto returned the hug. "Well, yeah. It's the same as giving me weapons n' armour n' stuff, right?"

Gods, no. They weren't at all comparable. Those were old things his dead family used to own. Naruto giving Sasuke his 'fidget rock' was more like if Sasuke gave Naruto his parents' old forehead protectors, still lovingly set on the shrine he'd put up when he was seven and trying to reconstruct his life without much success (until the ANBU started pointing him in the right directions). "You're such an idiot," Sasuke whispered fondly.

"Shut up, bastard," Naruto said fondly and hugged him back.

Clone-Naruto came in through the window. "I've got the instructions. Did you give Sasuke the fidget rock yet?"

"Yeah!"

Sasuke curled tighter into the blond. "You're such an idiot," he repeated.

Naruto's chakra felt bubbly and happy. "I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **OMAKE: The origins of the Fidget Rock**
> 
> Naruto was walking along a river one day. It was a river where lots of shinobi used to throw their weapons when they didn't want them anymore, and the blacksmith really liked it when Naruto brought them back. He sometimes gave him the 'bad ones of the batch' for free, and they really weren't too bad if he got them sharpened like Hokage-jiji showed him.
> 
> He tripped over a rock with a squeal, avoiding a kunai that would have gotten him in the head, and he watched as Inu stabbed his attacker in the head.
> 
> He picked up the rock under his foot. It was just about the pretties rock he'd ever seen, and it barely fit in his hand. "You're a lucky one, aren't you."
> 
> The rock did not answer.
> 
> "I'm gonna steal you. I'm gonna love you and squeeze you and talk with you and call you Fidget. Would you like that, Fidget?"
> 
> The rock still did not answer.
> 
> "Good enough for me! At least you don't yell at me like the stupid adults. Hey, Inu! Neko! I got a new pet!"
> 
> 2020/06/21


	4. It's so insane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Throws chapter at you. It splats in your face, like a rotten tomato. I yelp in fear and run away.]

Sakura had huge eyebags when Sasuke next saw her, hunched over bunches of paper fluttering in the early morning breeze, ink and morning dew mixing together and messing up a few symbols.

"You okay?" Sasuke asked.

"I haven't been to sleep lately," Sakura mumbled. "I've been coming up with a seal that'll make me into a water demon."

"Why?"

"'Cause they're _cool_ ," she giggled, and sighed dreamily. "Have you seen a water demon? They can breathe underwater! Such an advantage."

Sasuke hesitantly gathered up her notes. "Okay, crazy. Let's get you some sleep."

"Nooooooo," Sakura whined, grasping weakly for her notes and falling on the ground. "Sasuke, come back wiff my notes."

"No," Sasuke answered. "We're getting you some sleep. Otherwise, you'll just be weird all day."

Sakura whimpered. "You're so mean."

Sasuke unsealed a warm blanket and draped it over her. "Get some sleep."

He heard her breathing even out a few seconds later.

~?~

Sasuke was drinking espresso when Naruto appeared on the training field.

He waved his hand.

"SAS-"

Sasuke slapped a hand over Naruto's enthusiastic greeting, ignoring the espresso spilling on the ground. "SHHHHH. The baby's sleeping."

"But I thought I was the youngest of us," Naruto whisper shouted.

Sasuke pointed as Sakura, still curled up under the warm navy blue blanket. "That baby."

"Sakura's not a baby."

Sasuke blinked. "I know. I just thought it was the easiest way to get you to shut up. 'Cause Sakura was going a bit crazy over her notes." He waved the packed of papers in front of Naruto's face.

Naruto's jaw dropped. "You took her notes?"

"Yeah. And all she did was _fall over_ ," Sasuke emphasized this by shaking Naruto's shoulders.

"Wow," Naruto whispered. "She must be REEEEEAAALLLLY tired."

Kakashi appeared behind them with a buzz of displaced air and chakra.

Naruto slapped a hand over his mouth before he could say anything. "SH! The baby's sleeping."

"Babies aren't allowed on training fields," Kakashi said without pause. "Where's Sakura?"

"Sleeping," both boys said in unison.

"She's over there," Sasuke pointed to the obvious odd spot of dark blue in the field of grass.

Kakashi's eye narrowed. "You said a baby was sleeping here."

"No, we said 'Sakura'," Naruto insisted.

Sasuke nodded, furiously beating down the urge to smile. "It was just the acoustics out here."

Kakashi sighed.

~?~

When Sakura woke up, she wasn't pissed. She simply demanded her notes back.

Sasuke informed her he'd let Kakashi take a look at them, and Kakashi had promptly burned them because 'turning yourself into a demon isn't a good habit'.

Sakura scowled. "Give me the hand signs for the water dragon," she demanded.

Kakashi shook his head. "You ought to perfect the other water techniques before I give you another to work on. And you haven't had proper poisons in a while."

"'Cause there's no proper poisons lab for anyone who isn't a Chuunin or higher," Sakura pouted. "I checked."

And Sasuke had a thought. A thought that only hardcore gift-givers and Orochimaru can have: 'Can I make something out of this'.

A slow smirk crawled onto his face. "I'm going back to the Compound and get some work on juggling chakra control and sensing. I'll be on the swamp if you need me."

But here's the thing. He didn't.

Instead, he went into the clan's old personal R&D scrolls, from before the Hidden Villages were established. They had quite a few poisons masters, too, and the need to create them out of more than just venom became immediate when it became clear people were developing natural immunities, and they needed some better poisons stat.

Maybe he got a bit too wrapped up in the old construction scrolls, though, because he bumped into one of the cabinets and dozens of scrolls spilled onto the floor.

"Oh, shoot," Sasuke groaned, bending down to pick them up.

And then his eyes refocused on the scrolls.

And he smirked. Widely. It hurt his cheeks.

Maybe the lab wouldn't be strictly necessary after all.

~?~

"For you," Sasuke said, dropping a scroll in Sakura's lap.

"Thank you," Sakura said. The pink in her kimono didn't bother him as much as it may have before Nami. "What is it?"

"A summoning scroll," Sasuke said. "It'll-"

He heard Sakura drop her ink brush. Which was weird, because she'd sealed it for strength and automatic ink replication since they'd gotten home from Nami. She wouldn't drop it if someone plastered an exploding tag to her forehead.

"You. Got me. A summoning scroll," Sakura said slowly. The thing in Sakura's lap was small and unassuming, yellowed on the edges, and a pale cream rice paper. "Okay. I mean it this time. It's too valuable."

Sasuke's brows furrowed. "You said you wanted some good poisons. That right there? That's the Tarantula Contract. They'll be the best teachers you could ever hope for."

Fine. But sure as the sky was blue, it was still too valuable. Summoning contracts were usually only shared as a political gesture. And even if she was from a civilian merchant clan spread across all the countries that often worked for the collective good of the elemental countries as unseen peacekeepers, there's no way Sasuke could know about that. Not even the Hokage was made aware because it was best that they be underestimated.

"It belongs to the Uchiha Clan, Sasuke!" Sakura shoved the scroll into his chest.

"And I'm giving it to you!" Sasuke shoved the scroll back at her.

"It's too valuable to give to an outsider!" Sakura insisted.

"If it's so important to you, I'll make you a clan member!" Sasuke finally yelled, exasperated.

Sakura froze. "... What?"

"I said," he repeated a bit more hesitantly when his mind caught up to his mouth and he realized Sakura and Naruto and probably Kakashi didn't really know they'd been adopted into the clan yet, "I'll make you a clan member?"

Inner yelled enthusiastically. Sakura stayed frozen. "... I thought you weren't interested in marriage?"

"NOT MARRIAGE!" Sasuke yelped. "That's weird! You're like my cousin!"

Having gotten to know him better, Sakura firmly agreed. It would be weird. The last Uchiha was desperate for affection, severely touch-starved. He'd latched on to Team Seven like he never had his weird fangirls that sometimes hid behind trees in their training fields to watch him spar with Sakura. Regularly getting beat into the dirt during their taijutsu matches even after she'd stopped dieting had quickly knocked any sense of a crush out of her, and punching his teeth in became one of her goals.

Ya know. In a nice way. Like 'I love you, and my love for you is expressed in not wanting to watch you die if I could have done something about it'.

"I'm not taking the contract, then!"

"Just because you can't be my wife?" Sasuke sneered, "how petty can you get?"

"I don't wanna be your wife, but I promise I can be pettier," Sakura hissed.

"Just take the damn scroll! Do you know how many ninja would kill for summons like Kumogatarui's nest?"

"Yes! Which is why I don't understand why you're giving them away so easily! Why haven't you signed it?"

"I've got a contract of my own!" Sasuke pulled a scroll out from inside his haori. "It's the Crow contract." The summons Dad used to use. He always felt safe when there was a crow on his window sill or his headboard, watching him sleep. "Ridiculously intelligent birds, I gotta say, and dead useful. And they're not an exclusive contract. I can always get another - there's a few dozen in the Compound. But Spiders aren't suited to my style. They are to yours. So HERE!"

He shoved the scroll into her chest and stalked away. He needed something to do before he 'accidentally' broke his teammate's arm.

~?~

A day of meditation cleared his senses up quite nicely. Sakura was probably still being illogical, but he went back to the training field with a contract for Naruto. He'd probably accept it more readily than Sakura.

He came to the training field to see Naruto throwing kunai at a training post and Sakura on the river, working on adhering a thick coat of water to herself. (I wonder if I could do that with fire?) He went over to Naruto first and gave him the Dragonfly scroll the Uchiha clan had stolen from the Aburame centuries ago.

"Yours," Sasuke simply grunted and wandered off to the river. "No arguments," he added belatedly, thinking of Sakura's vehement objections to being gifted with the summons.

He'd finally found Auntie Kikyo's fire shield in the clan archives. It was more than a shield in the sense that the fire element of the shield instantly vaporized anything that came into contact with it. He'd tried it last night - it had fizzled with a light breeze and a white dandelion seed.

"Help me with my fire shield," he demanded of Sakura.

"Water or Earth?"

"Earth. Fire is weak against Water, so it'd probably be better to have a good base first."

So they stayed by the riverbank. Sakura shot a few hard Earth spears his way. The fire shield didn't hold them back for as long as Sasuke may have liked, but he continued.

After an hour of constant training, the shield was consistent enough to stop them for about a minute. Two hours, and the spears started to melt. Three hours, and Sakura increased the density of her spears and layered them with water, and Sasuke had to restart. Four, and Sakura ran out of chakra.

"Alright," Sasuke agreed. There was a light shiver in his bones and he tucked his hands into his sleeves. "Let's get something to eat."

"Ramen!" Naruto exclaimed, who had just barged in on their training without warning. He dragged Sasuke and Sakura to Ichiraku's.

Sakura was not stupid. She saw how Sasuke relaxed when Naruto found them. In comparison, their bond with each other was pretty weak. Naruto was a personable boy, and she probably had a better bond with him than Sasuke, but she could still admit there wasn't much she'd done in return for the raven.

It was probably this knowledge that led to her demanding his sandals.

"Why?" Sasuke asked, because he liked to know why he was doing something.

"Because regular shoes are stupid," Sakura said.

Sasuke hesitated. "You aren't going to animate my sandals or something, will you?"

Sakura squinted in thought and took one of the shoes.

"DO NOT TURN MY SANDALS INTO DEMONS."

She stuck her tongue out at Sasuke. "You're no fun."

"True enough."

Naruto squawked. "WHEN DID YOU GET HERE, OLD MAN?"

Kakashi eye-smiled. "I've been here for the past five hours."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. [LIAR], he signed.

[IF YOU SAY SO], Kakashi returned. "I wanted to let you guys know that the Chuunin exams are coming up in about a month," he said aloud. "Our team will not be participating."

Sasuke's shoulders tensed. There were advantages that came from being of the next rank - new techniques, more equipment, better pay, a higher security clearance, access to the poisons & paralytic labs, sealing, and D-to-B-rank traps. It would make sense for their team to graduate. Sasuke's compound only held so much information. It would be efficient.

"Why not?" Naruto asked, indignant and with an undertone of anger.

"A few reasons," Kakashi answered easily. "One is the fact that it's taking place in Suna in the middle of summer. I haven't taught you enough on temperature regulation, and you've been raised in an environment where it snows up to the second month in the Flowering season. And, between then and now, there isn't enough time to learn to the extent you'd need. You'd be more likely to die of heatstroke or dehydration than pass a test."

Okay, Sasuke supposed that made sense. Kakashi wasn't one to put them needlessly in danger, but he was one to push them past the limits of what they thought was their own abilities. Sakura and Naruto could probably learn it before the Chuunin exams, the girl being blessed with incredible chakra control and the boy having wrangled his chakra as far as it would go, but Sasuke wasn't anywhere near their level in that regard.

Sakura's control might be described as clip-the-wings-of-an-angel-dancing-on-the-head-of-a-pin. She was in the ninety-ninth percentile for chakra control, and it was a talent she used to her advantage in every situation. Naruto had trained and beaten himself since he started his apprenticeship until his control was needlepoint - not nearly on Sakura's level, but close enough so everyone patted him on the back in his medical lessons and his fanboy, Sarutobi Konohamaru, raved about being a combat medic 'As cool as Naruto-nii-chan' when he graduated. Sasuke, on the other hand, was the corner of a cube. Pointy, but any hole made with it would be jagged and embarrassing.

"Secondly," Kakashi continued, "We've been asked to take part in a special mission. A show of trust between the nations, and something that's been traditional since the exams were established. They specifically requested us, and it would be the greatest of dishonors to refuse. It'll be for a while before the exams, and going into the middle of it. We won't have time to go on with it."

"Okay, yeah, I guess that makes sense," Naruto muttered. "But why were we the ones requested?"

"The tradition is to send the most valuable team that hasn't graduated from the Chuunin exams yet to the current host village," Kakashi said. "It's a show of trust; it essentially means 'we trust you not to kill our children. We trust you to look after our most valuable assets'. It builds relations with other countries, which is never something anyone smart passes up on. Except in war, where anyone necessary and sufficiently skilled is given a field promotion. But you don't need to worry. I'm still going to be with you all the time if you need me, but I doubt you will. It's usually a bit tense, but never violent."

Fair enough. He'd heard of the same thing happening when he was young and Itachi had to go for his Exams. "And the last Konoha-aligned Uchiha who is an official clan head, the Jinchuuriki, and the foremost chakra control prodigy would fit that description quite well," Sasuke finished.

"Yes," Kakashi said. "I'm only glad it never had to be an option for me - that particular tradition is waived during times of war." He ruffled Sasuke's hair. "You'll do great. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried," Sasuke scoffed, ducking away from Kakashi's fingers. "But why are we even going to Suna if it's so dangerous to travel during the summer?"

"A short five-hour trek under my supervision with strong coolant seals is not the same thing as a three-day exam in the middle of a desert," Kakashi said. "And don't ask, Sakura. Coolant seals are B-rank. You'll have to learn the heat-resistance techniques like everyone else."

Sakura blew a lock of hair out of her face. "Is there a third reason?"

"Yes," Kakashi said. "You need more training in other areas than the ones I mentioned. You're all adequate at chakra control, and you've been working hard, but it won't be enough to get you through the exams, especially an environment where you're relatively weak from lack of adequate training."

The exam was an environment where they were likely to die. In Suna, there were dozens of poisonous and venomous animals hiding just under the sandy dunes, some huge as Boss Summons. Kakashi had also been weirdly protective over them since coming back from Wave - maybe the fact that he wanted them away from life-or-death situations for a while made sense, having met two Chuunin-rank missing-nin and two S-rank missing-nin on their first official C-rank.

Sasuke let out a little sigh. "Alright. We won't go to the exams this summer."

"I'm glad you agree," Kakashi said. "Teuchi-san. May I have another bowl for takeout? Chicken and vegetables."

"Sure thing!" the genial man behind the counter said, and started whipping up some more ramen.

Kakashi gathered up his plastic takeout bowl with a grateful nod. "Field fifty-seven tomorrow, puppies."

Sasuke winced. Training Field Fifty-seven was little more than a collection of brambles and vines - a self-defense mechanism for the literally living village. It attacked anything the Hokage perceived as a threat, even after Lord First's death, since the Hokage position brought with it a line in the contract few cared to entertain: sealing yourself into the Village's wards for control over the natural defense mechanisms for automatic control.

And it sounded good in theory. But 'sealing yourself' didn't have the same meaning for everyone. To the Hyuuga and Uchiha, it meant subjugation and lack of control. To the Senju and Uzumaki, it meant you were cared for. To the Akimichi, Nara, and Yamanaka, it was an admission of weakness. The Hatake, Aburame, and Inuzuka clans viewed sealing as a benign thing, much like a scalpel. And the civilians saw sealing as mystical and incomprehensible, more a sword than a hammer.

Sometimes it was difficult to conflate Sakura with her civilian heritage in that manner. The ones Sasuke had met were riding and stale, more interested in staying safe than improving. Sakura was curious to the point of self-destruction.

Sasuke slurped the rest of his ramen. "Tomorrow," he granted.

"Tomorrow," Sakura agreed while Naruto was chugging the broth.

~?~

Training field fifty-seven of seventy was incredible.

While the Forest of Death may be made of actual trees, the Blackberry Patch was made of just about every plant with thorns. Roses, fruit bushes, and overgrowth, primarily.

Fires popped up often in this field, slow burns in the brambles making it hard to manage and good to practice with. It was usually without warning. They got so intense sometimes, too, that people often died in here with no enemy interference.

Naruto smirked at that.

"Kakashi?" Sakura asked about an hour into the exercise.

"Yes, Sakura?" Kakashi asked. He and Naruto were the only ones who were avoiding all the vines properly - Sakura's battle kimono had a few small tears, and he was sure he smelled blood from Sasuke's direction.

"When are we leaving for Suna?" she asked.

"In a day or... seven," Kakashi decided, "before it gets too hot to move. Be sure to wear light clothing. Hemp fabric with long sleeves, preferably. And the dye can't be dark. Why is that?" he asked.

"'Cause dark fabric heats up quicker," Naruto said. There were a few scratches on his hands now, from swinging around on the thick thorn-covered vines, "and the cooling seals only last a few hours."

"Correct," Kakashi granted. "And they have to be something like hemp fabric because...?"

"Because hemp is tough," Sasuke said. "Durable."

"And light," Sakura concluded. "We won't overheat as easily as we might in cotton or other heavy fabrics, but it won't rip as easy as silk."

"Good," Kakashi praised. He twisted and twirled around the charging vines like it was a game. "Very good."

Sasuke scrambled and twisted his body in extremely odd figures just to avoid the thorns. And he yelped when he was stopped in place - the blackberries had wrapped around one of his ankles.

Sakura slashed the vine apart and flared her chakra dangerously. Half the vines immediately conferred on her, and she was buried under thorns before she could do anything. The other half chased after Kakashi, who was going quicker to avoid the sudden reassessment in priority by the tough plants.

"Level Two already," Kakashi said, impressed. The vines usually went after the biggest threat when they manifested like this. "Naruto, Sasuke."

Naruto was already in motion, dodging the quicker vines with sharper thorns to cut away the vines covering Sakura. Sasuke was barely keeping himself out of harm's way, and was wrapped in vines, himself.

With no one to help him, Naruto's hands were cut on the vines and they covered him head-to-toe.

Kakashi flared his chakra soothingly and let the vines relax under the feel of the gentle warmth. They released his students, and retreated into perfect stillness, relaxed but ready to react at any provocation.

"You did well," he soothed the bundles of plants. "Thank you."

The chakra in the plant switched from tense to happy.

"Always thank the training field," Kakashi further drilled them. "They're alive, too, and well aware of what goes on everywhere."

Sakura giggled tiredly. Her battle kimono's top layer, above the wire mesh, and shredded. "Thank you, Field Fifty-Seven."

Like a good training field, Fifty-Seven let a bush of wild blueberries sprout at Sakura's feet.

~?~

They all ended up back at Naruto's house that night, playing cards while Sakura read. They'd invited Kakashi, but he didn't want to come.

Sakura was laughing. Naruto was pouting, having lost the last match.

Sasuke felt warm.

He was eating a piece of chocolate as big as his thumbnail and relaxing against the end of the green, stained couch, in clothing that felt softer than butter and warmer than a good summer's day when it came to him. "... I think I'm happy," he said softly, a note of disbelief in his whisper.

Sakura hummed, her nose still buried in her fuuinjutsu book. She was the only one sitting on the couch, absentmindedly doodling an alert seal against a smooth rock she'd found by the river. One of her bare feet was pressed against Sasuke's head, and the other was draped lazily over his chest. "Love you too, Ino."

Naruto, as it was his turn, threw a kunai at Sasuke. Like a skilled shinobi, the Uchiha caught it and put it to the side of the table, where he'd collected Naruto's previously-thrown kunai knives. The blond groaned and picked three cards out of the pile again.

Sakura was the first to fall asleep that night. Naruto got a blanket out of a floorboard under his bed and threw it over her. It barely covered her toes and chest, but it would be fine.

Sasuke's eyes felt heavy. He was warm and the air smelled sweet and he knew he was safe. Everything was perfect. His chest felt light and he was surrounded by his ~~precious people~~ team.

He hadn't felt happy in a long time.

The distant parts of his mind realized he was being picked up and tucked into bed. There was a nice weight on his shoulder. He curled further into something soft that smelled like sweat and ramen broth, and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep.

He hoped he would still be happy when he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Whistling, waiting for someone to notice my chapter-naming conventions.  
> *Casually slides an offer of an omake to the first person who figures it out.


	5. How could I go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M EARLY! (This time...) (and it will probably never happen again.)
> 
> 2020/06/30

In the end, the wire mesh from the pink and white battle kimono that had been shredded in the Blackberry Patch was sewed into a white top with a pattern of gold and purple with the original fabric texture and pockets. She also added a strip of megamesh as a neck protector, generously provided by Sasuke.

It came in handy as they trekked across the desert by shinobi speeds.

The blistering sun broiled the scorching desert. The three genin were no more oblivious to this fact than their teacher, but were far more obviously affected by it.

Naruto loosened his collar and huffed. "It's too hot out," he groaned.

"Yes, Naruto," Kakashi said automatically.

Sakura broke, too. "Are you _sure_ , Kaka-sensei?"

"No, Sakura, you may not animate your sandals," Kakashi said tiredly. It was the thirteenth time he'd answered that question, and the point still stood that if she did it incorrectly, the sandals would eat her toes.

"How much further from Suna are we?" Sasuke asked.

"Another hour, Sasuke," Kakashi bit.

~?~

Kakashi's eye twitched. He hated borders. Especially when they waffled this long.

"Oh, for- Hatake Kakashi. Of Konoha. Jounin? SA-ranked shinobi?" He even took out the Bingo Book since apparently his travel papers sanctioned by the Hokage and the request papers from their Kazekage weren't sufficient documentation. "We're on a kami-damned mission."

The man sitting on the right picked up the invitation by the Kazekage. "You're almost a month early."

"Forgive us for being punctual," Sakura sneered. Heat exposure made her snappish, and they'd been standing at the gates for almost fifteen minutes longer then they would be had they just accepted the fact the Kazekage had sent for them.

"And for wanting to escape the worst of your summer heatwaves," Naruto added.

The one holding the scroll suddenly had a scrunched-up nose. "Leaf weaklings."

Kakashi eye-smiled. It wasn't a nice eye-smile, all metaphorical teeth bared and false cheer an eleven on the dial. "Is that so? That's a fun way of addressing our most useful assets. Unfortunately, I suppose we'll have to send the Kazekage our regrets and tell him the gatekeepers turned us away. So unfortunate too, to refuse two clan heads." Kakashi turned back to the genin. "Well, kids, I guess we better go back home."

Sasuke bit his tongue. "How unfortunate. I was so looking forward to making friends and alliances and tossing gold coins in the streets."

"And I had such nice teas, too," Sakura looked mournfully at the storage scroll. "I guess the Kazekage's kids wouldn't really like peach and strawberry flavor, anyways."

"You said 'strawberries'?" asked a different voice that made the gate guards tense.

"Yeah," Sakura said. "Strawberry tea. Though, I do have a few of the plants, too. Naruto likes to grow them."

Seafoam green eyes narrowed. "Hasani. Bastet. Why have you not let them in?"

The lack of honorifics did not go unacknowledged by the genin. Kakashi signed, [DON'T CALL ATTENTION TO IT].

"Th-th-they're... early?" the androgynous one stuttered.

"That's not a good answer," the seafoam eyes narrowed, and the sand at their feet swirled. The man looked about ready to piss his pants.

Ever the diplomat, Sakura said, "It's alright. They were just doing their jobs and doing a service to their village. We can wait."

The eyes disappeared. With a flash of sand, a full body with the same eyes materialized on the ground, between Team Seven and the gate guards. "Very well. Finish processing their requests."

With shaking hands and stutters, they finished each round of questions.

Sakura had just barely closed her mouth after her near-interrogation when the redhead scowled. "And you're certain," he hissed, "that the necessary questions have been cleared?"

"Y-yes, youkai no shihaisha-sama," the one with ochre skin stuttered.

Naruto started. [RULER OF DEMONS,] he sign-yelled.

[SILENCE,] Kakashi returned.

"Good," the redhead said. "And if the Kiri delegates happen upon us during your next shift, don't keep them more than fifteen minutes."

"Hai!" they immediately answered.

'Youkai no shihaisha-sama' turned on his heel to face the new arrivals. "I know where you will be staying."

"Please lead us," Naruto bowed.

Green eyes narrowed at them. "I'm not a messenger."

"Then, could you give us a general direction?" Sakura asked.

The sand shivered under Sasuke's sandals. "... This way," he said, turning.

~?~

Naruto shook his foot to get sand out from between his toes. The roads weren't paved, and additional sand blew on the wind. Kakashi didn't stop because he didn't really care. Sakura was the only one of the genin who hadn't because she didn't get any between her toes.

(Gaara, as they'd learned their guide's name, was giggling with genuine mirth every once and a while. It was somewhat off-putting for someone so calm and composed.)

The villagers made paths for them, darting to the sides of the street. Some villagers tripped over themselves trying to get out of Gaara's path, especially when he giggled.

Naruto recognized that look. It was terror, in every way the villagers bit their lips and watched their every move.

Gaara kept his eyes just in front of his sandals and his hands carefully loose at his sides.

'Youkai no shihaisha' suddenly made a lot more sense.

Naruto walked at Gaara's side and ignored the way Gaara's attention was resolutely fixed on him instead of the horrified villagers. "They're scared of you."

The sand swirled quickly. "Mother says I'm not to blame for that."

"I know," Naruto said. "There's no reason to be scared of a baby."

"Mother always lies," Gaara riposted. "There's reason to be scared of me."

"If the village made you that way," Sasuke cut in, "then it's not your fault either."

There was a pause, and the sand calmed. "... Pinkie?"

"My name's Sakura," the girl muttered.

Gaara nodded. "Sakura, may I have some strawberries?"

Sakura unsealed a handful. "Here you are."

He ate them quickly. The fruits were wild - small and sweet and juicy. Native to Fire and Water Countries, but rare to find elsewhere. Especially in Sunagakure no Sato.

"They're not bad," the redhead said, wiping his bare hands on his baggy hands. "We rarely get them this sweet from the greenhouses."

Sakura smiled. "Wait 'til you have the tea. Strawberries are awesome with the peach extract."

"It sounds nice," Gaara said softly. "We're here."

Sasuke gaped. The crater's edges were covering an entire palace, white pillars, and flourishes and all. The marksmanship was amazing and detailed. Pristine.

Naruto looked around. There was none of the warmth of Gramps' house, where he used to stay sometimes when the villagers were being mean. And he meant that literally - there was a draft from the huge entranceway gaps in the wall. There were plants lining the walls and buckets of sand lining the hallways. The walls were painted and colourful, odd symbols decorating them in a pattern. Kakashi's eyes flicked across them - he knew what the symbols meant.

Sakura admired the plants. "They're lovely."

"Thank you," Gaara said. "This one is a moonflower. They only bloom at night. I've been taking care of them."

Sakura walked a bit up the wall and took a sniff. "It smells like melted butter," she noted.

"I appreciate the smell," Gaara said defensively. The sand on the wall stirred.

"It wasn't a criticism," Sakura said. "I was just noticing. And they're still quite lovely. I bet they're even prettier at night."

"They are," Gaara said. "They smell like iron at the full moon."

Naruto smiled encouragingly.

~?~

Their guest room was relatively large, enough to suit a daimyo and his court.

"We use this room for foreign delegates during the Chuunin exams," Gaara said softly. He struck a match and started lighting the candles around the room that looked nothing like actual candles - more like little potted cacti and hot pink roses and black cones - WHOA, ARE THOSE VOLCANO CANDLES? "There's an attached bathroom and four attached rooms. the Konoha suite should be clean - if it isn't to your satisfaction, please alert the guards."

"I'm sure our stay will be lovely, Gaara-sama. Thank you for hosting us," Kakashi said, ushering his students into the room designated or Konoha delegates, and taking a few lit potted cacti candles.

Gaara nodded his head. "Thank you for joining us."

~?~

The candle-cacti were nearly burned out when their game of Cards or Kunai came to a standstill.

"What should we do about Gaara-san?" Naruto finally asked. They'd been skirting around the issue for hours, and they were no closer to a solution. "Did you see his eyes?"

"I've got some good concealer I can make," Sakura said.

"Sakura!" he chided.

Sakura rolled her eyes and settled all her kunai in her pouch. "Look, Naruto, I'm sorry! But tightening your seal and rewriting his are entirely different deals. He's from a different village! What would the Kazekage say if he found us messing with their only jinchuuriki's seal?"

"Nothing good, to be certain," Kakashi said from where he was reading, draped across the ceiling. The candles smelled like cucumber and cantaloupe. "We have a noninterference policy regarding the jinchuuriki. Even if their seal is so obviously failing, we can't fix it without mountains of paperwork or a direct request. And a jounin sensei and genin, both who aren't officially recognized as seals masters, aren't really the go-to."

Sasuke scoffed and blew hair out of his face.

"Yeah, Sasuke's right!" Naruto said. "It's not fair!"

"I know," Sakura said, and it looked like it pained her to say "but there's nothing we can do about it."

There was Gaara's chakra in the little candles. The cute cacti were made by the redhead, himself.

"He doesn't sleep often enough," Sasuke mumbled.

"Shinobi rarely do," Kakashi said.

"No, I'm with Sasuke here," Sakura said. "Cognition and attention get iffy if you don't get enough sleep. I once tried to stay up all night reading, and it worked, but the words on the page kept jumping around the next day. My mom kinda freaked out when I asked her to read me Volume Four on chakra control."

"That one's in Konoha-shinobi code, Sakura, and your mother's a civilian," Kakashi deadpanned. "She wouldn't be able to read it anyway."

Sakura pouted. "I know. All she did was carry me to bed."

"In any case," Naruto said loudly, "Gaara-san needs to sleep. Even staying up with drugs or chakra is really dangerous."

Kakashi didn't even look up from his book. "We can go into the common room, but no further without an escort. Besides, it's late. We need to sleep."

"Not as much as Gaara," Sakura protested. "He doesn't look like he's gotten a good night's sleep in years!"

"And we'll deal with that _tomorrow_ ," Kakashi said firmly. "There's only one bed. It's big enough to fit the three of you."

"What about you?"

"I've got a different sleep cycle than the three of you. Get some sleep, or I'll tie you all to each other and tape you to the bed."

Unwilling to see if Kakashi would carry out his threat, Naruto dragged Sakura and Sasuke to the bed and threw the thin blankets over them.

"... It's too cold."

"We know, Naruto."

~?~

Kakashi was the only one apparently well-rested the next day. Sasuke maintained that it was because Naruto was hoarding the blankets again.

Gaara was awake when they came out of their lovely, clean room, sitting on a couch in the common rooms. He was watching the clock, silently and patiently.

"I was assigned to watch after you," he answered the wordless question.

"Okay," said Sakura. "Hey, the candles last night were really nice. Did you make them?"

"Yes," Gaara answered.

"Will you teach me? I don't think I've seen such well-crafted candles as those ones."

Gaara blinked like this was news to him. "I make candles as a hobby."

Sasuke gaped. "Really? 'Cause you could make money from these things." Which made them a perfect gift.

"STOP EXAGGERATING OR I'LL KILL YOU!" Gaara screeched. There was a flush on his neck.

"WE WILL TOTALLY STOP EXAGGERATING," Naruto answered. "YOUR CANDLES ARE AMAZING AND YOU COULD SELL THEM FOR MONEY AND EVERYTHING."

A tidal wave of sand blew Naruto off his feet.

"... Whoops. My hand slipped," Gaara lied. "Sakura, give me the tea."

Sakura dug through her storage scroll for maybe half a minute before finding the written 'gift' and tossed the tied-up paper bag at Gaara. "The portion recommendations are inside."

Gaara barely inclined his head, and he left.

Naruto pouted around the sand stuck in his mouth.

~?~

Gaara apparently didn't let himself be away from his precious strawberries as long as they existed, and especially not a (LE GASP) _fruit dealer_.

"I thought we got rid of all the fruit after Gaara's last rampage," Kankurou whispered in Temari's ear. "Y'know, the one where the vendors ran out and he had a _tantrum_?"

"Don't look at me!" Temari hissed back. "It was those weirdos from Konoha who're at fault here! And they wouldn't know any better!"

Kankurou sighed. "Well, at least it's strawberries and not dates."

The siblings shuddered at once.

~?~

Kakashi cast a little rain Jutsu on the strawberry plant. The coolant seal on the pot was keeping the heat away nicely.

According to the Suna delegates, Kiri liked coming early for the same reason they'd come early: temperature manipulation or not, the technique was designed to prevent death by extreme temperatures, not adjust the environment to suit your purposes.

At least the kids had been occupied learning how to make candles with their guide. Though Sakura had made the most, Gaara and Sasuke's were decorating every inch of the rec room until it was hard to go anywhere without accidentally stepping on one.

Not including the ceiling, which was where Kakashi had glued a chair and a coffee table, and working on a seal to let the redhead sleep. It wasn't a huge deal, especially since Gaara made another glass table the instant he realized.

As a game, he had Sasuke stand on the ceiling and light them all using only chakra control and a single lit senbon needle. Sakura joined in after a while, and Kakashi eventually had Naruto play with wind techniques to extinguish them. The game became 'who can light the candles best before Naruto blows them out again at random'.

It got even more fun when Gaara started playing too, gently covering the candles with controlled sand.

Ah, peace. They were so cute.

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

"LEMME SEE YA TRY, FUCKWAD, DATTEBAYO!"

And Sasuke made a shield, while Sakura got all the candles lit while the others were distracted.

It was very nice. Very peaceful. Barely five explosions.

~?~

The for first time in five days, Sakura was outside.

It was still dastardly hot, and she's sure Naruto would be complaining his ass off. It's a good thing she was out with only Gaara.

The rosette broke the silence first. "Are you a shinobi, Gaara-san?"

Gaara seemed to start minutely, and the sand at their feet froze. "... Yes," he answered.

"Where are your teammates?" Sakura asked.

"They're irrelevant," Gaara said vaguely. "Can you tell me about botany?"

"I don't know a lot about it," Sakura said. "Really. Naruto's the expert there. I keep killing my house plants, so Naruto offered to grow some crops for us. But Naruto can't cook really well if it's not buttered noodles, and Sasuke's mostly been depending on ration bars since he was seven, so I make tomato soup and strawberry tea a few times a week and we all think it's a fair deal."

That did sound like a fair deal to Gaara. It sounded somewhat like the deal he had with his sibling-teammates. 'Don't kill our opponents, and I won't kill you instead of them'.

"That sounds logical," Gaara said softly.

"Yeah, I think so too," Sakura said, and she put her hands behind her back. "Oh, hey! I managed to make a nice candle for you," she said and got a candle shaped like a cake out of her haori. "It's scented."

Gaara took it and sniffed it. He hummed appreciatively. "Strawberry."

"And vanilla frosting," she tacked on. It was easy enough to find strawberry leaves, but she had to convince Naruto to give up some of his vanilla flowers. He liked putting them in his tea sometimes. Other times, he liked to burn them - it created a nice smell in his apartment. And of course, he couldn't leave Ukki Junior, Icy, and Thorny alone! They'd dehydrate without a good water supply.

Part of that agreement was fetching the water for his plants for the next week and a half. Which was why she had a water urn tucked into a storage scroll.

Gaara let the sand around him relax completely. This was the best gift he'd ever been given, from anyone, ever. No one had ever given him a gift before, and Yashamaru didn't count 'cause Uncle tried to kill him. So there.

**_DO YOU THINK I DON'T COUNT? FGDWIABVFCKEWABVK_ **

Gaara yelped and pressed the heel of his palm to his ear. He winced and the sand swirled threateningly around his feet.

"Gaara? GAARA! What's happening? Are we in danger?" Sakura asked urgently.

Sakura may not have noticed she was gripping Gaara's elbows, but the redhead certainly took notice. Mostly because Mother started yelling louder. He didn't even know that was possible.

The sand dug under Sakura's skin, deadly and damaging. Sakura yelled in pain, but she didn't let go of her friend.

 **"... LET ME G** O!"

Sakura obeyed and jumped back. She still kept her feet tense and she'd drawn a kunai, holding it threateningly. Gaara's sand tensed, but it realized what he did a moment later - she wasn't threatening Gaara himself. Her stance was protective.

... She was protecting him? But why? Everyoen said Gaara was a demon who no one could love, and a person who could love only himself.

Why did she seem to love him? It... didn't make sense. The only one who'd ever loved him was Yashamaru. Mother was a part of his head, and maybe even she didn't like Gaara. The civilians were proof enough of that - even when he hadn't made any moves towards any of them, they were all terrified. The street they usually kept lively and populated became bare within seconds of the Magnet Style erupting around them.

The sand around his ankles relaxed only somewhat. It didn't fully relax again.

".. Are we safe?" Sakura checked.

"We weren't in danger," Gaara said hesitantly. His eyes refocused through the pain of his migraine, and he focused again in Sakura. "You're hurt," he noticed.

Sakura looked over herself and growled lowly. "Damn the heavens and earth. Blood is so hard to get out of white fabric."

"I stopped trying a long time ago," Gaara admitted. His father could be incredibly persistent in sending assassins after his youngest son. "Cold water would be your best option."

Sakura sighed. "Speaking of water, you promised to show me the river."

Gaara nodded and brought her above the walls of Sunagakure no Sato, where they could look over the village. It was a lovely circular structure, with houses in sandy yellow or the pristine painted white of the guest halls.

Not far, she saw thriving cropland, a river running straight through several fields, and what must be a civilian district. And in opposition to the treatment he got in what she assumed must be the Shinobi district, the villagers were kind and friendly as he passed and as they worked.

"I like coming here," Gaara told her quietly. "They're quiet. Nice. They taught me to make candles."

Unlike in Suna, the houses were far more run-down and squished together. "They're your farmhands, candlemakers..."

"Weavers," he continued, "and they construct things sometimes. Really, Suna and Taiyou are separate and self-contained, so they can function without the others in case of collapse, but we rely on each other for a lot."

Sakura nodded. "Taiyou relies on you for protection, and you get food in return."

Gaara nodded. "Among other things."

"Gaara-chan!" came a deep voice from out of nowhere.

"Jumoke!" Gaara greeted with a smile. (Which was very odd to Sakura. Why would they just push a bunch of characters together to form a nonsense name?) "How have the crops been?"

"Sandy, as usual," Jumoke said. "Tell your father to expect the crops to come soon after the flooding. We'll need to burn the lands again soon."

Gaara shrugged. "As usual, of course. And Kamilah?" which was another odd name. "She had a hard birth. How's she? How's Maged and Latif?" Again with the weird names.

"Oh, Kamilah's perfect." Gaara and Jumoke shared a giggle over an inside joke Sakura wasn't privy to. "Maged is doing well, and Latif's started laughing."

Gaara nodded. "Good. Good. That's very good."

Jumoke shot a look at Sakura and let a slow smile creep across his face. "And who's this girl?"

"Her name's Sakura. She wanted to see the river," Gaara said.

Jumoke smiled wider this time. "I see. Well, if you ever need any advice, feel free to come to me."

"She's from Konoha," Gaara hissed. "Her teammate just needed some water for his plants."

Jumoke _aah_ ed and nodded. "Gotcha. Hey, I've got a few dates you might like. Fresh."

Gaara's eyes went wide and his pupils expanded. But his expression fell. "Father says I can't have dates."

Jumoke looked left and right before leaning in. "What your father doesn't know won't hurt him."

Gaara looked a bit skeptical, but he took the offered dates.

"Thank you," said Gaara, and he led Sakura to the river while snacking on the red-orange fruits.

"Hey, if you guys have river, why don't you have plumbing system?" Sakura asked as she filled her jug. A frog hopped on her arm.

"We do," Gaara said, "but it's mostly for basic hygiene. And the water isn't too clean - sand and iron get into it."

"Iron?" Sakura asked.

"Oh, there's lots of iron between here and Suna," Gaara tucked some hair behind his ear. "Grandfather built those pipes, and they were okay for drinking water at first, but then the iron from the pipes started leeching into the water, and it wasn't very safe to drink. There are a few purification techniques, but water users in Suna are few and far between."

Sakura bit her lip. "Well, what about an Earth technique? To draw the metal out of the water instead of the water out of the metal?"

"There's one of those too," Gaara was quick to reassure, "but most of Suna's shinobi focus on Wind when it comes to elemental ninjutsu."

Sakura sighed. "That sounds terribly inefficient."

"I know," Gaara groaned, "and that's why we usually only get the wind-specific jobs or ones that don't require a specific element, like guarding, but a lot of the countries still go to Konoha anyways because you're known for being versatile and your styles are numerous. By the way, I think your haori's a lost cause. The blood's set."

Sakura scowled. "I'll get Kaka-sensei to help. He's high-rank. He has to know how to get this shit out of clothing."

"I know some good soap recipes if you're in need of them," Gaara offered.

"You're really sweet," Sakura said. "I might just take you up on that. Man, Kakashi's gonna freak. I go out to get water, and I come back looking like I've murdered someone."

 _I'm sorry about that,_ Gaara didn't say.

 _It's alright_ , Sakura didn't answer.

"If it doesn't come out, I'm sure I could convince my sister to lend you a dress," Gaara offered.

"That sounds lovely," Sakura smiled.

Gaara tensed minutely when they arrived at the walls, as if preparing for a battle.

 _Here we go again_ , he didn't say, even to Sakura.

~?~

It turns out, with Gaara's soaps and Kakashi's lifting techniques, the dress could be salvaged. It would have to be re-dyed in some places, but it was nothing serious.

On the other hand, Naruto and Kakashi had to work together to get Gaara's sand out of her wounds and disinfect them. (It was oddly sentimental of her to return the bucket of sand they'd retrieved from inside her back to Gaara personally, but he almost cried when she did, so she assumed they were special to the redhead, and felt no compunctions about accepting a nice necklace made out of braided candle wicks.

"It could be used as a fire starter on a mission," Gaara said and was clearly worried she'd not accept his gift.

"It's lovely," Sakura said with a smile.)

~?~

The Kiri team arrived in Suna two weeks after Team Seven did. They brought poisonous potted plants as a present, except for the girl with blue hair, who brought a bottle of chakra water.

"It'll never evaporate," she bragged.

Gaara's smile was strained. He wished they'd brought fruit. "Thank you," he said tightly, and led them to the common room, where the floor was still covered with little candle-cacti and Team Seven were all crouched on the ceiling.

The Kiri genin gaped at the ceiling, and Gaara didn't begrudge Mother for his exasperated groaning. If they didn't even know wall-walking, he wasn't looking forward to knowing how 'valuable' they were to their home village. Probably just another bunch of green clan brats.

He'd had enough of those in his lifetime to know they were mostly spoiled and they complained about the heat too much. Konoha's Team Seven, at least was a refreshing change of pace.

"Your rooms are through there, through the blue door. Don't step on the cacti."

"Or move them!" Sasuke added with manic laughter. He shot another flaming senbon at one of the candles, and like a good, obedient candle, it lit.

The Kiri genin looked hesitantly at the common room. "Are you sure you don't have any other rooms?"

"Get in there," Gaara said monotonously. "Naruto? How are the strawberries coming?"

"They're doing great! I might need some more soil - y'know, not this grainy stuff - and a bigger pot, but it's good!"

"It will be done," Gaara promised. Anything for strawberry tea.

The Kiri genin were already disappeared behind closed doors.

All the better! Gaara could participate in The Candle Game now!

Tee-hee!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: I feel like I should clarify on why Suna's citizens seem terrified of Gaara while Taiyou's citizens don't. And that's because Taiyou mostly leaves the 'ninja stuff' to the shinobi professionals and spend more time on their own business, like farming (which takes a fuck of a lot of time and energy). Gaara's a jinchuuriki? What the fuck is that, and why should I care? He's so sweet! He made us candles last week, and Gamila's teaching him how to weave fabric!
> 
> Like, imagine. People literally can't stay sane without some degree of social interaction. (We see this first-hand in quarantine times.) It's probably why Canon!Gaara relied entirely on "mother". But if he's so antisocial, it's something of an impossibility to socialize and acclimatize him so quickly so he can become Kazekage in a matter of two years, especially not without a good measure of support from his populous (and especially not after Shukaku was removed from him, removing a huge sense of stability from Gaara). So this is my solution, since Suna is terrified of him. _Taiyou_ is his support network. Take away that support network for as long as the Chuunin Exams canon did and leave him with people who think you're a monster with no distractions other than killing, and you're left with a Gaara on the verge of breaking.
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Omake inspired by Zen_Angel: In Which Kushina Can't Stop Laughing**
> 
> Kushina blinked at Fugaku. "Did your son-"
> 
> "Yup."
> 
> "With my-"
> 
> "Yup."
> 
> "And Kakashi."
> 
> "Yup."
> 
> Kushina probably would have died laughing if she wasn't already dead. "MIKOTO! YOUR SON JUST ADOPTED MY SON. THERE ARE GONNA BE SOME FUCKED UP FAMILY TREES IN THIS JOINT! LOOK AT THAT SHIT-EATING GRIN ON SASUKE'S FACE!"
> 
> "He's not grinning."
> 
> "YOU CAN TELL HE'S GRINNING LIKE A LITTLE SHIT ON THE INSIDE. OH! MIKO, YOU'RE A GRANDMA ALREADY!"
> 
> Mikoto's face scrunched up, and she jumped on the redhead. "TAKE THAT BACK YOU FOXY BITCH!"
> 
> Shisui couldn't stop laughing if he tried. "ITACHI'S GONNA FREAK THE FUCK OUT."
> 
> "OH MY FUCKING GOD, ITACHI!" Kushina yelped. "ITACHI'S PRACTICALLY AN UNCLE!"
> 
> Fugaku moaned and lay down. "Kill me."
> 
> "YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD, BITCH!" Kushina yelled. "Damn, if only Min were here to see this."


	6. You are my destination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I wonder how many people are bookmarking my stories and marking them private. I guess I'll never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2020/07/10

Yup.

Clan brats who hadn't even been taught wall-walking.

Gaara sighed. He hated clan brats who got everything handed to them on a silver platter. It didn't let them appreciate the little things. Like hard work.

He tensed at the hand that grabbed his elbow. (Was this someone who was Not Safe?) His sand stirred dangerously. Gaara turned.

He exhaled with relief. It was Sasuke.

"I was wondering if you knew Wind Country's sign language?" the raven asked.

"I do," Gaara said. He'd be a rather poor shinobi if he didn't. "And I'll teach it to you if you do two things."

Sasuke nodded. "Name it."

"I want a pinecone as big as my fist," Gaara said, "and to learn Konoha's signing style."

"Done," Sasuke said.

The redhead and the raven were still methodically learning the signs when Naruto came home for the day, and started to talk with the other guests on the actual floor.

The only time either of them refocused on the floor of the common rooms was when Naruto yelled "SO WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY TEACH KIRI ACADEMY STUDENTS?" and one of the boys answered, "HOW TO KILL PEOPLE, OBVIOUSLY!"

~?~

Sakura was in love. The little tarantula was curled up in her two hands, eight little legs twitching in sleep.

One of the Kiri genin didn't like her, even though she was very peaceful and docile. She liked fruit, and she didn't like sand. So, of course, she and Gaara clashed like oil and water, after she tried to steal a few succulents and hid in Sakura's clothing when his sand reacted.

Sasuke seemed to see her as a fluffy little creature who deserved all the love and attention in the world, which was ABSOLUTELY the correct standpoint to take and she'll fight anyone who says otherwise.

Sasuke blinked at her back. "Sakura, her back says 'hell'."

"Well, yeah," Sakura said in a 'duh' tone. "She's a hellspider. Isn't she cute?"

"... Yeah. _Cute_."

Hellspiders usually chose their own names. However, as information contained on the scroll suggested, 'Naraku' was a polite address for baby hellspiders until they became fluent in both Tarantula and Humanspeak and chose a name.

Gaara blew a bit of hair out of his face, watching it flop back in place. "Cats are better," he said firmly.

"He's a bitch who doesn't know left from right," Sakura whispered to the sleeping hellspider. "You're perfect."

One of Naraku's legs twitched, and Sakura's whole self brightened.

~?~

[How are you tree today?] Gaara asked.

Sasuke shook his head. [Leaf. Doing.]

Gaara's face lit up with recognition. [How are you doing today?]

{Well. How you doing this day?}

Sasuke and Gaara had found some oddities between the different styles of signing. Gaara, for example, spelled words that he didn't know, while Sasuke was unable to do so. The Konohan alphabet was too complicated for such an extensive set of signs, so they'd made up a more extensive vocabulary and used "tree" for any sign they didn't know. They'd spent an entire three years learning all the signs and had five classes a week to maintaining the syntax and fluidity of their signs. Naruto, of course, hadn't attended most of those classes, and Kakashi had quickly hammered away some of those bad habits, and taught the blond another form of sign.

Gaara's syntax, on the other hand, was a child's vocabulary. Suna's singing style was vast and incredible, and Gaara had found a few scrolls tucked around the house where only he lived, but lack of a proper teacher had left his hands shaky and unusual. It was a habit that could easily be fixed under another Suna shinobi, but they all treated the redhead like the plague and fidgeted whenever he approached them, so most solutions were impossible for the redhead.

It would make the brunet laugh if it wasn't so depressing. The way they twitched and cowered whenever the calm and docile boy moved a muscle.

Sasuke's quiet question, "Is there anywhere we can go? All this staring is making me uncomfortable," a lie to give him an escape that made Gaara glare lightly, but he started walking and the sand urged him to follow.

He and Gaara walked about twenty minutes to get to Taiyou. During their journey, Sasuke distinctly noticed Gaara becoming less and less tense. Like he was going home, and he knew he was safe here in a way he wasn't when he was away. Sasuke recognized it like the cold that made his bones shiver; the mission to Nami had left the same feeling of unease in his shoulders.

And he knew something concrete here, now. Taiyou was Gaara's home. Suna was a prison.

Every inch of Gaara's posture reflected the warmth of the city. The people were welcoming and sweet, and didn't dare turn either Gaara or Sasuke away. Jumoke and Kamilah, and their little baby girl that pulled on Gaara's hair. Gamila was teaching him to weave cloth on the sixth day every week, and Hasina was making him chase away the locusts from the greenery. The wind technique he used for that had to be somewhere near a-rank, to chase away only the bugs and not remove a single leaf from the food stalks.

It turned out that Gaara was earth-natured. More than that, his kekkei genkai was controlling sand and metal - exactly the contaminants in the water. He could very easily purify the water out of the taps and wells outside every home if he so chose. He didn't because 'fetching the water' gave a convenient excuse to visit Taiyou.

It was sweet. Especially since he put so much time and effort into making his candles without sand stuck in the wax. It made Gamila laugh, though, so nothing was wrong.

~?~

Iwa's genin had arrived at the gates when Gaara was fetching his water with Sasuke, and Kumo's team arrived not five hours later.

With all the guest and prospective genin teams present and accounted for, the Kazekage officially started the exams.

The first part was a paper exam, which eliminated about half the competitors, including Gaara and his team. The teammate of his that looks like a cat was caught cheating too many times, and since they had to be taken in teams, it was impossible for Gaara to go forward. The redhead very visibly took a deep breath, counted backward from five to negative twenty-five, and retreated to the spectator's room.

(Which was, not-so-coincidentally, the same room where the prop teams had been housed that week.)

Kankurou had stayed at home, not willing to misstep and incur Gaara's anger further. Temari, however, stuck with her youngest brother and watched the human sacrifice do little more than growl when Naruto flipped a bucket of purple paint on his head.

Halfway through the second part of the exams, retrieving a scroll from Suna's Demon Desert, Gaara got bored and dragged one of the Konoha genin and one of the Kumo genin to the corner, where they could make candles. Gaara was roping them all into making a blue water lotus flower - quite difficult if you didn't have the proper shape. Gaara was the one braiding the wicks into little shapes and dipping them in yellow wax, while Sakura was making the petals and Tastumaki was melting and colouring the wax.

Temari cleared her throat, and the three started. "Can I help?"

Gaara looked hesitant and Tatsumaki narrowed her eyes like 'gravity's my bitch and so are you', but Sakura set Temari in front of a bowl of yellow-gold wax. "It's what we're using for the pollen stems. Keep it melted."

It sounded less difficult than it was. It meant a constant, high heat. Easy enough with a bit of manipulation and control over a Wind technique, so the air vibrated above her palms and nothing else.

It took some doing and some sculpting, and some cursing about damnd petals that couldn't stay upright if the concept bit their like particle faces off, but it was done before the second event was finished.

At some point, one of the Kiri genin and one of the Iwa genin got into it too.

The Kazekage asked to keep the flower candle. "The purples and blues would look nice in my office," he lied, and they all knew it was really to rub it in the other kages' faces like "haha, I'm better at inter-village relations than you!"

That candle was never going to be lit now. It was a damned _symbol_. Gaara pouted. What a waste of wax.

~?~

They left back for their home villages ahead of the other Konoha genin participating in the official exams. They, of course, had the option to stay, and Kakashi went through about five rounds of "I'm sorry, but we really can't impose" "no, really, I insist" before they actually left Sunagakure no sato. It was a cultural thing in Wind to refuse offers something like five times before finally accepting or declining, so the host seems generous and the guest doesn't seem greedy. Which sounded rather fake to Naruto, but meh. They lived through heatwaves without blinking. They were obviously too weird for him to fully understand.

"What did you think of the trip?" Kakashi asked once they were out of earshot.

"It was too warm," Naruto said immediately. "I liked the people."

"... Gaara was nice," Sasuke mumbled.

"Taiyou was lovely," Sakura said. "Their plumbing could be improved, but their funds are obviously being diverted towards architecture and artwork, or missions with Taiyou."

"The candles and the soaps were cool," Naruto said. "I miss not training, though. Why couldn't we at least do katas on the ceiling, again?"

"Because they would have seen," Kakashi said. "After seeing the same image too many times, you start to memorize it. It's similar to the Sharingan, but with repeated applications."

"And if they'd sent someone with an eidetic memory to copy our techniques, we would've been tried with treason for giving away Konoha-specific kata," Sakura said.

"Which is also why the others didn't train at all," Kakashi said. "Being known as the copy-nin comes with few disadvantages, but that's not a new one."

Sasuke crossed his arms.

"Okay, yeah, that makes sense," Naruto groused. "But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

Sakura tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "At least we learned to make candles."

"And make soap," Sasuke added.

"And how to annoy a foreign hidden village," Naruto cackled and rubbed his hands together ominously.

"Naruto, no."

"Naruto, yes!"

~?~

Sakura was sharpening her weapons when her mother called her to the door.

She smiled at the welcome intrusion as her mother retreated into another room. "Hey, Naruto!"

"Hey, Sakura-chan," Naruto smiled brightly. "I had a question about one of the d-ranks you were teachin' me about."

She darted a look behind her. "Dad's out for the night. We can go over it in my room."

Mebuki brought them tea an hour later and was momentarily taken aback by the clutter in her daughter's room - she was usually so meticulate. Onion paper, the kind used for making triplicates, was scattered all over. And considering the quantity, she supposed it was logical. Onion paper was infinitely less expensive than rice paper, and somewhat useful for practicing seal work if you didn't mind making copies or the fact that onion paper tore very easily.

"So would this work?" Naruto asked.

"Uh..." Sakura turned it upside-down. "I think so? Yeah, it would be fine. But the structure is kinda odd. You've gotta have a firm grasp of what you're trying to say before all the symbols are written, and if you don't you just end up with a half-understood mess. And if you try and make a different ending, it'll be iffy. See, you're writing 'she down the stairs tumbled' instead of 'she tumbled down the stairs'."

Naruto's brow furrowed. "I guess. So," he reached behind him to one of the papers scrawled with red ink instead of blue, "like this?"

Sakura relaxed as she read it. "This would work better, I think."

Mebuki smiled and knocked on the door. The two genin started and pulled a kunai each, but Sakura relaxed at the sight of her mother.

"I've got some tea."

Sakura rolled her eyes with a smile. "That's you, Mom. See children, give tea."

Naruto laughed. "Sounds like _Gaara_ ," he said with a laugh. "See a problem, give 'em a candle."

Sakura giggled. "Thanks, mom."

"Of course, dear," Mebuki said, and gave Naruto one of the cups. She chugged the other one and left.

Sakura squawked with indignation and offense, darting down the stairs. "MOM! MY TEA!"

~?~

Gaara's gift for Sasuke was a candle in the shape of a reed bush. He'd gotten some of the waxes mixed up, and it smelled like vanilla instead of cala lillies when it burned, but Sasuke accepted it with a diplomatic smile. It was a sweet gift, after all.

(He very conspicuously didn't mention that he was allergic to vanilla. He knew it would just make the redhead feel bad.)

He put the cute candle on his bedside table. They didn't have a cheap camera in Suna to take pictures with. (A thing to remedy next time they went.) He could make do with a candle until a picture could be taken. After all, it was far more indicative of their bond. Plus, it could never be burned. Win-win!

It was a lovely summer night with cool breeze and distant crickets. He left his home for the swamp where a street of houses used to stand, and settled into the nearest tree to meditate.

The Summer Sparks festival anniversary would be soon. It was meant to be a time of renewal and celebration, where lanterns would be lit in honor of fallen ancestors, and laugh as they recall good times. It was an Uchiha-specific holiday, much like the Yamanaka celebration of renewed mental health and the Aburame's feast after coming out of ritual hibernation.

(And, damn, but the Aburame hibernation was a thing to get used to. The Aburame couldn't work much during the winter because depending on their personal relationship with their hive, they either went into hibernation too, went into battle without their bugs, or moved much slower than usual. It was the primary reason why most either went into hibernation and worked harder than most while awake during the warmer months, or worked as a desk-shinobi while their hive was incapacitated.)

Sasuke was the only Uchiha-born left loyal to the village, and thinking of Itachi left him drained. Any Sparks festival he'd tried over the years didn't feel quite real, except for the lantern aspects.

The boy scheduled a period of seven days' time off and used it to make as many lanterns as he could. By the end, he put one lantern in each of the remaining buildings and another on the sealed walls surrounding the compound.

The wax candles he replaced every few hours stayed lit until dawn.

On the eighth day, Sakura came to his door with a thermos of tea. "I know this was the Sparks Festival day," she said, and didn't breathe another word on the subject. She did, however, shove the thermos into Sasuke's hands and started walking towards the swamp.

The Uchiha symbol on the back of her haori felt suffocating. He swallowed down a mouthful of tea and trailed after her.

"Thank you," he said softly.

She looked his way.

"For the tea," he lied with a faint dusting of red on his cheeks.

Sakura rolled her eyes, exasperated. "Boys. You're welcome... for the _tea_."

He swiftly upended the rest on her head and ran away with a cackle that felt fake.

"THAT FUCKIN' BURNS, BITCH! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN SMACK YA!"

A week later, he chucked a bag of her favourite apple-flavoured candy at her head. She growled, and moodily snacked on it the rest of the day.

The next day, she hit the back of his head with a bo staff. "Go suck a dick" is written on one end, and "Consider this a gift" is on the other.

He smiles, flipped a middle finger at her, and went back home for a scroll on beginners' bo staff kata.

No matter the oddities of their relationship that makes Naruto come up with the idea to have dinner at a different person's place every second day (except on Kakadhi's day to cook 'cause he always drags them out to an Akimichi-owned restaurant and makes them all pay for whatever they've ordered or pin the bill on someone else. Last week got them a five-year ban when Sasuke started a bar brawl. At least Kakashi would be forced to actually make dinner this time.

An hour later, as Genma and Iruka were cleaning the mess, Genma said something like "something-something Uchiha adoption something-something." Iruka wasn't really listening, more focused on his section of broken glass and splinters and charred floor.

Genma, more than accustomed to having people not listen to him, simply readjusted the senbon between his teeth and kept talking. "Yeah, can you believe it?"

Iruka hummed. "Yeah, I know. The watermelon's really juicy this year."

Genma nodded in agreement. "The watermelon's really great. Also, Kakashi's been adopted by Sasuke, and Namiashi's coming back from his long-term undercover soon."

"No, I don't know anyone who summons squirrels."

"Cool. Damn, but this scorch mark's really on there."

"Uh-huh. I like purple too."

They keep babbling nonsense at each other for the next thirty minutes, until Iruka blurted, "Wait, what were we talking about?"

"Nothing," Genma laughed.)

It may have been an odd team dynamic, but they were unequivocally each others'. 

~?~

Gaara blinked at the sealing scroll that had suddenly appeared on his window sill, close to his candle-making table.

He opened it without hesitation, knowing his sand would protect him no matter what he did. It was a sealing scroll.

A little burst of chakra into the scroll revealed three pinecones, each as big as his fist.

Gaara laughed. "A hundred thousand thanks, Uchiha Sasuke."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone tell I'm passionate about candles? I love candles. : **)**
> 
> The perspective of Genma and Iruka was inspired by ArgentumCor, who wanted to see Konoha's reaction to wearing Uchiha symbols. Iruka doesn't care, and Genma's like "this is an awesome opportunity for blackmail", only no one believes him whenever he says anything. He has that same odd quality Asexuals do in media that makes everyone ignore him. He does really well in assassination.
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Omake: In Which everyone assumes Sakura's lineage**
> 
> "So. The mokuton, eh?" says a nearby stranger in that tone of voice Sakura has grown to hate.
> 
> "Just because I can spontaneously grow trees doesn't mean it's the mokuton," Sakura says, and she's tired of repeating it.
> 
> "But you are a Senju, right?"
> 
> Sakura sighed heavily. She's _really_ having this conversation again, isn't she? "It's not a kekkei genkai. It's just really good chakra control."
> 
> There was a pause, before "Ya-huh. Like I'm gonna believe _that_."
> 
> Sakura urges the trees to grow around one of the chakra monsters. "It's not the Mokuton."
> 
> Not five seconds later. Not five. Fucking. Seconds. Later.
> 
> Hashirama plucked her off the ground, ignored the kunai gone through his ribs, and hugged her with a squeal. "TSUNADE HAS A BABY, AND SHE'S SO CUTE, WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!"
> 
> "I'M NOT A FUCKING SENJU," Sakura screeched, kicking him with a chakra-infused foot. "AND IT'S NOT MOKUTON, MOTHERFUCKER!"
> 
> Tobirama saw it coming before anyone else. "No, don't! You're gonna-"
> 
> Too late. Poison ivy and burning pollen bust everywhere as Hashirama cried about not having great-grandbabies. "AND I WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT TOO! _TSUNA!_ "
> 
> Sakura growled. "LIKE I'D WANT THE FUCKING SENJU LUCK, ANYWAYS! IT'S SO FUCKING INCONVENIENT AND BITCHY-"
> 
> She was squished by a chakra monster before she could finish her sentence.
> 
> "MY GREAT-GRANDBABY!" Hashirama yelled. He crushed the chakra construct Wood Coffin Style, and Naruto moved in to heal her.
> 
> Tobirama blew hair out of his face and crossed his arms. "You were saying?"
> 
> "Fuck you all," Sakura moaned.
> 
> **\- Inspired by shadowed-violet.**
> 
> Keep it classy! :P


	7. Can't read the signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **07/19 edit:** StandUpKeepMovingForward's omake has been moved here because it's more convenient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Omake: Gaara's surprise adoption (alternatively titled: IT WASN'T MY FAULT, DAD!)**
> 
> On reflection, it probably was Gaara's fault.
> 
> Having learned Sakura and Kakashi had fixed Naruto's seal so everything about his relationship with the Kyuubi was on his terms, Gaara asked the two to help fix his seal. But they couldn't without permission from the Kazekage, so they asked.
> 
> It took a week, until the proposal crossed his eyes, and was immediately rejected. Only the Kazekage or Gaara's legal guardian were able to authorize changes to Gaara's seal, and since the Kazekage was Gaara's legal guardian, there was no arguing. This was absolutely the route they had to take.
> 
> Until Sasuke got an idea in his head and decided to take a look at Suna's adoption policies. It didn't take a lot, actually, to adopt him - just get consent from the adopter and the adoptee, and boom! new kid. Upon showing this to Kakashi, he smiled. Upon showing this to Gaara, he got a frown.
> 
> "So?" the redhead asked. "This won't change anything. No one wants me as a kid. Except maybe Jumoke, but he has enough to take care of, with harvest season soon and his wife on bed rest and a new baby."
> 
> Sasuke smiled wider. "Gaara-san, if Kakashi-sensei adopts you, we'd all become your legal guardians and we'd be able to do your re-sealing."
> 
> He still didn't look convinced. "You're not even from Kaze no Kuni. What makes you think you have legal jurisdiction here?"
> 
> Kakashi pulled out a scroll granting them "all the privileges and rights as any other member of Suna/Taiyou society". "The key if the wording. If anyone from Suna or Taiyou has the right to adopt you, we do too."
> 
> Gaara tilted his head. "Okay, you're right. But Ta- _Suna_ ," he corrected himself sharply like he was trying to convince himself, "is my home. I don't want to leave it."
> 
> "We thought of that, too," Sakura said. "If Jumoke-san and Kakashi-sensei are the ones to adopt you together, they'd both be your legal guardians. When we leave, you'd be totally under Jumoke-san's custody, and visitation rights could be easily established if we need to check your seal."
> 
> Gaara bit his fingernail. "Okay. But Dad has to approve adoption paperwork, and he'd never in a million years allow this."
> 
> "Well, why would he even have a say?" Sakura asked. "Look, the tailed beasts were originally given to the other villages as part of a peace treaty, and Suna broke that peace treaty in the Third Shinobi War. Konoha has ultimate authority over all nine tailed beasts because of genius wording in the contracts. The Kazekage can't do shit. Maybe this'll remind the other villages that their owning their superweapons was entirely dependent on us, too."
> 
> "That's how politics work," Kakashi said. "Anything done, even out of altruism, will always be given a spin. My adopting you and re-sealing you will be seen as a power play unless our last treaty is re-drafted, and we include a clause about Suna's Jinchuuriki, present and future."
> 
> Gaara bit his lip. "This is probably going to have dire consequences. Are you sure you want to go through with this?"
> 
> Naruto shrugged. "It's all on you. But if you're not sure you want to be re-sealed, you shouldn't have to put up with being Hatake Gaara, jinchuuriki of the Konoha-Suna alliance."
> 
> Gaara's resolve steeled. "Where do I signs, Kakashi-san?"
> 
> Kakashi smiled wide. "Right here, son."
> 
> Gaara dipped a reed pen in an ink made of crushed bugs. "This is going to be fun."
> 
> **\- for StandUpKeepMovingForward**

There were journals upon journals of Senju Tobirama's genius locked away in the library, sealing knowledge barely anyone bothered to look at, in various stages of rank and completion. He'd been an immeasurable tsunami of knowledge, going from project to project with reckless abandon as soon as he got a new idea. Which was often.

There was one for cooking eggs, organizing his books, several for construction and architecture, picking blueberries, the list went on. It was amazing and ridiculous that he spent his genius on such mundanities.

As a genin, Sakura was only allowed access to the bottom floor of the library. The one with egg-cooking seals, and those for suppressing nightmares. Chakra seals and others of the same nature weren't permitted access. And the Hokage's library was even more special, containing research into things like the Flying Thunder God seal pattern, storing different elemental chakra natures, healing, etc.

Really, it was only by four technicalities that she was permitted to learn sealing at all from such a point in her career, having not taken said elective at the Academy.

One: her teacher, Kakashi, was a hokage's favorite. He learned under a sealing master, who learned from his sensei, who learned from his. It was as much tradition as the bell test.

Two: Sasuke gave her access to the entirety of the libraries in the Uchiha compound, keeping in mind her love of learning. There were huge amounts of sealing knowledge in those archives, and nothing was going to stop her from learning a rare and valuable art in shinobi terms that had almost nothing to do with muscles and all to do with the brain.

Three: Naruto is a jinchuuriki. It was dangerous that he not be placed on a team without a sealing master in case of his seal breaking or loosening, and there was no guarantee Naruto could fix his own seal if it ruptured and there was a mild case of possession, like at Nami when he thought his teammates dead and he sprouted a chakra tail. Kakashi was the main sealing master on their team, and Sakura was a backup apprentice who could bounce some ideas off of Kakashi and work in case he was incapacitated or chakra-exhausted.

Four: Sasuke couldn't be the seal master. His Sharingan, once activated, would be invaluable in keeping the Kyuubi docile while Sakura and Kakashi worked, but that chakra monster wasn't feared for no reason, and could break out of the genjutsu if Sasuke wasn't being careful enough. It was too much of a risk to Sasuke to make him a seals master when the disposable civilian was suitable anyways.

And really, she didn't mind. Anything that made her stronger was an advantage.

(Gods, she was seriously regretting not taking that elective at the Academy.)

~?~

The killing intent was a satisfying feeling, brushing against his skin like electricity. He felt it in his bones. What a lovely feeling.

[Alert one. Protection.] Fukurou signed from in the tree.

[Alert two. The kill.] Inu raised his sword.

[Alert three. The civvies.] Tokage's feet braced.

The assassin who'd gone after Kakashi's blond student doing his grocery shopping hadn't survived more than two minutes after discovery.

[Burn the body.]

Inu approached the boy he'd helped to raise, his mask firmly in place and every other distinguishing feature covered.

Naruto brightened and jumped at the ANBU, careful not to bruise his bag of apples. "Inu! You're back! Where's Neko?"

Inu laughed soundlessly. That was always his first question. He tilted his head like 'not here'.

Naruto pouted. "I know he's not here. I like it when he is, though."

Inu put his hand on Naruto's head like 'I know'.

Naruto tugged at his hand insistently. "Let's get ramen!"

Inu pulled his hand out of Naruto's grip, and pointedly wiped his blade clean of blood with his glove.

Naruto tilted his head like 'alright'. "Fifteen minutes to clean, and then meet me at Ichiraku's! And you pay!"

~?~

Being surrounded with his cat wasn't a bad way to spend the day.

Shiro's soft fur felt nice between his fingers, and the little kitten from the civilian animal shelter was hungry for attention and love (or so said the matron).

(He wasn't quite sure how to give her that.)

The little striped grey cat pushed her nose against his hand and mewled. He pet her little sleek body and let out a tired huff, leaning against the couch. Shiro twirled and ducked under his fingers, making sure to show him her butt every time.

He yawned and settled between the living room table and the couch. His neck would probably hurt in the morning, but that was okay.

When Sasuke woke up later, the sky was stained in purples and dark blues. He didn't quite know what had woken him up, aside maybe from the fact that Shiro's foot was in his mouth.

He put Shiro down on the couch and prowled around the house, sure to avoid the creaks in the floorboards.

There was no one in the hallway, or kitchen, or toilet room, or washroom. His bedroom was bare as ever, and Itachi's room was still plastered shut.

The linens closet was still nothing but towels.

... Mom and Dad's room. The last unchecked spot. The one he'd skipped.

Sasuke's hand hesitated on the sliding door, braced himself, raised his kunai...

He opened it.

The shadows were still there, a thick coat of dust over everything in the room. If anything, it was typical.

It should have been typical.

Like always, the room made him feel cold.

He closed the door before his memories could place Itachi behind Mom and Dad's corpses again.

(He closed the door before he could see the smoke of reverse-summon.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2020/07/14


	8. You know everything to say (just as long as I'm in danger)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2020/07/19

Sasuke didn't sleep well that night, even by his standards and including the missed hours by way of insomnia. Even behind the protection seals he'd asked Kakashi for, he still didn't feel quite safe.

The exact formation the seals had been composed around the compound basically meant 'if you value your soul, you should hide'. Anyone coming in who wasn't keyed in had to be completely hidden, or **something** would happen - Kakashi was pretty vague on the specifics. The ones around his bedroom were to the spirit of 'we enter the circle before zero and are consumed by fire'. Anyone coming through the seal structure in his bedroom that wasn't keyed into the wards would be instantly burned to death.

There was a soft tinkling melody of high and low notes emanating from his softly glowing rock, and he pulled the covers up to his chin. He'd been afraid of the dark since he was two and someone tried to kidnap him. Papa put alert seals all around everywhere and a few nightlight seals on his ceiling, but he could never use the dangerous ward seals - people came by all the time through the windows, and sometimes they stumbled in through the wrong ones. But Sasuke's bed was shielded, and his baby blanket was made of the same fabric and seal matrix as Sakura's haoris.

There were creaking floorboards that shouldn't really be creaking. But that was Shiro, right?

... No. She'd be scratching at his door. And she'd be faster than this. Sasuke would be able to hear the little cat's pitter-pattering claws. Those were footsteps of a person deliberately walking slowly.

Sasuke took a kunai out from under his pillow. Whoever had gotten past the wards around the Compound had to at least be S-class. (The footsteps belonged to someone who was Not Safe.) (Not Safe not safe notsafe _ohgodwhat'shegonnadoagainstthisstranger?_ )

Sasuke desperately tried to breathe past the lump in his throat. Really, he did. He didn't know what was going on, but breathing was getting to be difficult. Kakashi would know what to do.

(But how could he leave his Safe room? With a Not Safe stranger just outside his room?)

He carefully inhaled, and let it go. (Breathing wasn't always this painful, right?) His hands shook around the kunai. (A voice that sounded like Itachi's chided him for his weakness, and 'was he trying to cut himself on his own knife or was he just that incompetent?', and it got even harder to breathe, howwasthispossible?)

The footsteps stopped just outside his room, and Sasuke swallowed his whimper.

There were no panic seals in the compound. Why were there no alert seals anywhere?

He calmed his breathing as much as he was able, and didn't dare move away, his back facing the window. The unknown footsteps were immobile, standing on the floorboards like they didn't deserve the honor of his presence.

He heard the door slide open, and-

And.

and he ran.

_(Why are you running, foolish little brother? You're safer in your room than anywhere. But I'll teach you about it later. Perhaps when I'm not so busy.)_

His legs burned by the time he crashed in through Naruto's bedroom window, violently waking the blond.

"What the fu-" Naruto groused, obviously unhappy at being woken at such a late hour. He closed his window to choke the breeze, and turned to the prone figure draped over his legs. "Sasu-teme?"

Sasuke tried to calm his breathing, and taking in Naruto's scent only helped somewhat. Calming himself didn't mean anything until his hands stopped shaking. (It wouldn't do anything until he could stop putting people into categories like 'Safe' and 'Not Safe'. He'd done that since he was six, and placing Itachi in 'Safe' back then was obviously a mistake, even when he came back so often dripping in someone else's blood and-)

Why couldn't he just. fucking. breathe.

He jumped at the touch on his shoulder. (Memories swirled dangerously in his head, and-) and the chakra signature was Naruto's. He was Safe.

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke let out a breath he couldn't remember holding. Breathing was so _hard_ , damn the gods. "Naru..."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "You're staying here the night."

Sasuke almost recoiled. He didn't want to go back to his room with warm blankets and nightlight seals and his music rock when that Not Safe stranger was in his home, but staying with Naruto? It was so sudden. He didn't usually go to sleepovers without at least a few hours' notice, so he could pack a bag and...

(And what other choice is there? There's a Not Safe Stranger in his home.)

Sasuke didn't relax, but he did bury his face in Naruto's shoulder. He was wearing orange nightclothes that smelled like they hadn't been washed in weeks.

"Do you want me to get Sakura?"

And leave him Alone? (With a Not Safe stranger in his room?) The answer was clear. "No."

Naruto smoothed back the hair on his skull to comfort him - the last Uchiha had no idea why it worked, but it did prompt an almost painful gasp. "I could send a shadow clone for her."

"She's probably asleep," Sasuke said, voice painful coming out of his throat. Even to his own ears, it sounded choked. He didn't want to know what Naruto thought, not for a second. "And Kakashi's probably asleep too."

Naruto exhaled softly. "Okay. C'mon, get under the covers. You're gonna freeze halfway to deat' if y' don't, and then Kakashi'll be mad."

Sasuke crawled under the covers. The bed was warm with Naruto's body heat. He'd been sleeping a while. "... I don't understand you sometimes."

"Well, that's alright, 'ttebayo," Naruto said. "You talk weird sometimes too."

~?~

Kakashi was promptly told what happened last night in the Uchiha compound and was Enraged.

Whoever was stalking his puppy was going to die, obviously. But why didn't Sasuke go to him? Didn't he trust him? Without trust, you're liable to die on the battlefield!

Sasuke fidgeted under his gaze, and played with the hem of his top. Naruto saved him by mentioning Sasuke ran over to his place.

Kakashi kinda slumped after that, and they all walked into the compound together.

The stranger was long gone, as well as any trace of him. Sasuke's bedroom was entirely untouched.

Shiro's hungry mewling meant he hadn't killed the little kitten. Sasuke picked her up by the scruff when she hissed at Kakashi, and dragged her downstairs for her breakfast. The poor baby was probably starving!

Getting the cat food was mechanical. Automatic. It let his mind be diverted to more important thoughts.

Who was the Not Safe stranger in his house? Why did they come? Why didn't they chase after him, or hurt him? (Who would infiltrate the compound for no reason?) Shiro was unhurt, even if she was curling a bit harder into Sasuke's arm perch than usual, little claws pricking through the skin in his arms, but nothing was apparently exactly wrong.

He supported her with one hand and pet her with the other. The little kitten purred against his chest, and he felt exceedingly guilty. He'd left her here! Last night! With a stranger! Who was Not Safe! What kind of caretaker was he, that he could so recklessly abandon his cat?

Kakashi came in not long later, finding Sasuke petting Shiro. The kitten hissed warnings at him and ran away when he got too close - even the headstrong little kitten could recognize the bigger predator. The silveret sat down next to Sasuke.

"You're beating yourself up," Kakashi noted. "You shouldn't be. Your cat's perfectly fine, and she'll be fine as long as she's in your charge."

Sasuke hummed. He'd have to find a cat-sitter whenever he was on a mission or something. It shouldn't be hard - his fangirls would dote on her, but probably smother her too. Maybe he should ask Shikamaru or something.

Sasuke leaned into Kakashi. He was warm. "Silence, mattress."

Kakashi chuckled and relaxed. "Alright, cub."

One of his ears was pressed against Kakashi's chest, and the lightning chakra that was quintessential Kakashi felt safe and warm. Sasuke fell asleep embarrassingly quickly.

~?~

Sasuke woke up about nine hours later, when it was late in the afternoon, to an odd swooshing sound. It was familiar and somewhat grating. He lazily opened an eye. Sakura was sung in Kakashi's other side, and Naruto's head was on one of Kakashi's legs. Kakashi was reading with surprising dexterity in his feet, since Sasuke was using one of his arms as a pillow and he was absentmindedly petting Sakura with the other. Sakura was nose-deep in a scroll and sucking on a Pocky stick, and Naruto was sharpening his kusarigama. Shiro was sleeping, curled into Sasuke's hip.

He hadn't felt safer in years.

He exhaled softly and was comforted by the fact that anyone trying to get to him as he slept had to go through his team first.

He slept thirteen more hours that day. His peaceful dreams of playing with Dad, and Mom helping him dance on her feet, and sparring with Naruto and Sakura, and Kakashi giving some advice on a lightning technique, all with tomatoes in his mouth and Mom's favourite tea in his nose, weren't interrupted by Not Safe Strangers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Omake: In Which Kabuto Doesn't Get Paid Enough for This.**
> 
> **In honor of Mio, who found my John Mulaney references in ch4.**
> 
> "I have need of a new body," Orochimaru said.
> 
> Kabuto rolled his eyes to look at the ceiling, as though the fifteen oft-counted planks of wood would spare him from his Master's inanities, even though they never had before. "What's wrong with it this time?"
> 
> "The front tooth feels odd. Like it's been chipped before."
> 
> The unassuming two-way communication rock was sitting unassumingly on his bed, and probably didn't deserve the sheer amount of vitriol Kabuto was sending it. "That's not a reason to replace your body. Isn't this one only five months old?"
> 
> "Yes," Orochimaru said like Kabuto was stupid for thinking it. "But it's never too early to start looking for another. Ooh, what about an Uchiha?"
> 
> Being forced to suffer the indignities of being an eternal genin wasn't nearly as difficult as listening to his Master. "Lord, throw some brains from the heavens, or stones as long as he hits the mark," he whispered below what the rock would pick up. It was a common prayer his father used that he'd picked up somewhere in This or That - he could never remember which. "Orochimaru-sama, Uchiha have a tendency to go blind. It's been recorded. In their _official medical records_ , and literally centuries more records before founding the village. It's not a good idea to use one of their bodies. Unless you actually want a legally blind body when your only use for them is their eyes."
> 
> Orochimaru growled.
> 
> This was _not_ worth taking the Chuunin exam for the eighth time and being assigned to fail again, goddamnit. Kabuto rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and very much fought the urge to destroy the innocent rock on his bedsheets.
> 
> "KABUTO!" screamed one of his comrades. "GET SOME SLEEP!"
> 
> Kabuto sneered at nothing. "Gladly."
> 
> He slept rather peacefully that night, dreaming of stabbing Orochimaru over and over and over and over and over and over.
> 
> ***Kabuto's dad's favourite insult is actually a well-known saying in German. As you've probably guessed, it means you're exasperated by someone's stupidity.**


	9. I draw the line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can someone please guess my chapter naming conventions already?  
> EDIT: That's been done, thanks Mio. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2020/07/29

Kakashi left all his cubs in a sleeping pile and chose to go to the Hokage, his trademark freezing calm pushing him forward. The Inuzuka puppies pressed their noses to the floor and some of the meeker genin hid behind their teammates or teachers.

He saw them all and was entirely unconcerned. Everyone here, from the chuunin to the jounin to the tokujou and the ANBU in the corner knew he was the bigger predator.

It wasn't often he felt this sense of overwhelming calm that felt all too similar to killing intent.

"You look well," the Hokage said.

"Hokage-sama, I need to kill something," Kakashi said bluntly. There was a look of grim determination on his face and ice crawling through his veins.

Sarutobi-sama lit his pipe and took a long drag. "Hatake-sama."

"Hai!"

"You have a genin team. This isn't the time for an assassination."

Kakashi clenched his fists and his teeth bared. "Hokage-sama. I need to kill something." This time, the line was purred and drawled in all the right places, carefully designed to alarm prey.

The Hokage's eyes narrowed. "What happened to your team?"

"Someone's been stalking Sasuke. In his house," Kakashi growled. "The wards recorded a presence, but they dismissed it as one of the keyed signatures."

"So?"

"So the only people keyed into those wards are myself and my genin, but none of us remember anything of the sort. So there's someone who's able to fool the wards into thinking it's one of us. Likely a kekkei genkai specific to Old Kiri that we've recorded and summarily dismissed as no longer being a threat, or something similar to Nidaime Tsuchikage, or someone above Rank S ability who can fool their chakra signature naturally. Either way, my students are still puppies, and my version of all-out sparring would leave anyone less than Gai in critical condition. But Gai is also on a mission with his own team. So either I take a solo-kill type, or you give me and my team a mission. I'm sure it'll turn Rank A somehow."

The Hokage blew out his lungful of smoke. Kakashi pointedly got out another mask and covered his mouth and nose under a fifth layer of fabric.

"Permission granted, then, brat," the old man said, and drew a scroll out of a drawer somewhere. "See that it's completed, Inu-san."

Kakashi put on his Anbu mask, making it six masks, and darted away with a shunshin.

Hiruzen blinked a few times and cleared his throat. He got a purple-lined scroll out of one of his drawers. This next week wouldn't be fun.

~?~

Sasuke was tucked into Sakura's side when he woke up, and she was writing... whatever the hells this was.

She shifted, getting out from under him with a few simple movements. He caught himself just barely before he overbalanced and fell. Shiro was gone too, probably bored with how little attention she was getting. "You know you snore too, right? I was tempted to leave you with Naruto so he can see what it's like. Fuckin' chainsaws."

Sasuke almost laughed. But he couldn't because he was still waking up and processing information far slower than usual. Not to mention, there was something stuck in his head: "Where's my kitten?"

"Naruto's playing with her in the garden," Sakura jerked her head towards the kitchen window. Sasuke got on shaky legs to see Shiro playing at being a boneless puddle while Naruto looked star-eyed at the little white and light grey striped fur ball.

Something uncoiled in his shoulders.

"When did you get her?" Sakura asked. "I've never seen her before today."

Sasuke still felt tired, so he put on a pot of water to boil and made sure to get some matcha tea. "I got her a few days after we got back from Suna. My therapist suggested I get a therapy animal."

Sakura blinked over her cup of peach juice. "You have a therapist?" _But you're so poorly adjusted_ thankfully went unsaid, but not unheard.

Sasuke nodded sagely, deciding to mess with her. "Kakashi made me get one when I implied I would maybe kill you and Naruto for being too red and orange and pink-" Sakura spat out her drink in surprise, but he continued, "so I asked Iruka-sensei for some good references and some old retired shinobi got assigned to my case after a game of janken pon. He said his life got better when his old mentor sort of shoved a puppy in his arms and said 'this is yours now', and he wasn't really wrong so I kept her."

"No-no-no, go back to the part where you said you want to kill me and Naruto?"

Sasuke blinked. "I did? Did I say that? Oh, Sakura, I'm so sorry!" He started tearing up.

Sakura waved her hand like it didn't matter. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

"BUT I MADE YOU UPSEE _EEEEEEEE_ ET!" Sasuke wailed.

Sakura put down her peach juice and started wiping his eyes with her sleeves. "And now I've upset you! Will you please calm down!"

"Sakura, you're not supposed to make your teammates cry."

"Waah!" Naruto yelled from out in the backyard. "When did you get here!"

"Twenty minutes ago," he said, neatly balancing on the roof's shingles. "You really need to be better at situational awareness."

"That's fair, I guess," Sasuke said. He didn't sense the man and he was right outside.

Kakashi got off the roof with all the grace of an apex predator. Shiro hissed at his legs from her spot in Naruto's arms. He smelled like _dog_.

~?~

Team Seven spent the rest of the day doing mundane D-rank chores so Naruto and Kakashi could catch up on their rent. They sort of had trouble with the babysitting job until Naruto henge'd himself into a boy with brown hair and white and black clothes with milky green eyes, and then everyone fell over themselves letting him get stuff out of the ground and watching after their ankle-biters.

Kakashi didn't even notice until Naruto asked about it. "It's because you look like a Hyuuga branch member," he said after a single look.

"What, really?" Naruto asked. "But then, why do people not hate me like this? I'm acting the same as I always have."

"It's because they don't know you're you," Sakura said. "They don't know you're... what you are. They just think you're a random dude. And there's no reason to be mean to random dudes."

Naruto turned his eyes towards the sand. "But there's a reason to be scared of me?"

Sakura nearly shrieked. "I phrased that wrong, I'm sorry! The villages are mean to you because they're scared, but they're scared because they've been badly educated about what you are and what sealing is!"

Naruto sighed. The long brown hair he hid with fell in front of his face. He looked like he was carrying the Hokage monument.

Kakashi was awkward. He knew he was awkward. Everyone with two brain cells could see he was awkward. Hells, a deaf and blind monk in Lightning who'd never left his monastery in his life could see Kakashi was awkward, or so Minato-sensei used to say. But this didn't stop Kakashi from trying, so he put his hand on Naruto's head and said (awkwardly), "We'll get ramen after this. Ichiraku's. My treat."

So they did.

~?~

Naruto kept up the no-one-can-prove-I'm-a-Hyuuga-but-I'll-let-you-believe-it-anyway disguise whenever they had a job to do and the employer objected loudly to Naruto's presence. It made Sakura and Sasuke's skin bristle, but Kakashi didn't react beyond pulling out his book and directing any questions to Naruto's henge, Hikaru-kun. It made them feel a sense of vindictiveness whenever they saw Naruto treated like shit for who he was. Sasuke recalled covering all of their client's clothing with irremovable pink glitter once, and Sakura had sealing the couch to forever avoid one of them, too.

Kakashi was far less subtle. He'd asked the Hokage that a particularly vicious client who'd tried to hit Naruto with a shovel be blacklisted since she obviously wasn't concerned for the safety of the shinobi of the village, and anyone less than Naruto wouldn't have been able to dodge. If that hit had connected, he might have died from internal injuries or a broken skull. The attacks calmed down after that, but Hikaru still got a far warmer reception, and the cover was still used.

The incidents made Naruto realize just how shittily the village was treating him. So he set off one clone to look exactly like him, with the old trademarked orange jumpsuit, to vandalize the Hokage monument, and set up at least five other henge'd clones to do jobs that weren't dangerous. Kakashi helped to obtain the technically illicit but official legal mumbo-jumbo papers that declared all his clones were official Konohan citizens and got jobs for each of them, including a job at Ichiraku. Like, he knows Uzumaki Naruto could get a job at Ichiraku Ramen any time he wanted, but it would probably drive Teuchi-jiji out of business if people knew the Demon Boy worked there.

It still made Sakura and Sasuke angry that Naruto had to disguise himself to avoid harassment.

And here's the thing: outside of Konoha, everything was fine. Naruto could leave the henge down and there was no trouble, just like in Suna where none of the citizens would spit at his feet or try to hit him with their woks. Naruto was safe, and he could stay out of feuds. Civilians who usually asked for D-ranks didn't have access to the shinobi registration paperwork anyways, so it was easy to pretend Naruto's white lie was the truth.

In the end, Naruto didn't really mind all that much. He was used to it. (Sasuke privately thought that was worse, but refrained from voicing it.)

It didn't stop Kakashi from insisting on having C-ranks more than D-ranks, despite how often they turned to crises.

~?~

[Mark one. The jinchuuriki, question mark.]

[Mark two. Protection.]

[Mark one. Acknowledged.]

A third joined in. [Mark four. Jinchuuriki shinobi, question mark.]

[Mark two. Jinchuuriki shinobi, full stop.]

Neko opened Naruto's bedroom window and left a bag of oranges. He paused. [Mark one. Filth.]

[Mark three. Clean and extract, question mark.]

Fukurou blinked. [Mark two. Disposal location, question mark.]

[Mark one,] said Neko slowly so the newbie could understand. He jerked his head towards the Uchiha compound. [Super endangered. Empty nests.]

[Mark zero,] said their commander. [Cancel order. Jinchuuriki clean.]

[Bullshit,] Neko snapped. [Commander,] he remembered to sign after a short pause.

There was a short burst of KI in a short pattern that was well-known to this particular ANBU squad that basically meant 'Don't question this'. [Mark zero. Jinchuuriki clean. No further investigation required.]

Neko audibly snarled. [Mark one. Received and acknowledged.]

And Neko settled back in to watch Naruto come home three minutes later, find the bag of oranges, and positively light up.

Hells, but did that boy have anything else to look forward to, other than Neko's weekly bag of random fruit? Demons and dragonfire, but if this was the only thing he had that could be considered nice, then Neko really had to do something. 'Cause screw the Commander, and screw the Hokage, and screw Jiraiya and Kakashi too, and even that twelve-year-old who'd adopted him. That boy was his kit. His.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Omake: I feel a disturbance in the Force.**
> 
> Itachi looked up very suddenly.
> 
> Kisame tensed. "Itachi? What's goin' on? Do we got a tail?"
> 
> "My little brother has done something foolish," Itachi said.
> 
> Kisame sighed. "Are we going to check up on your brother, too? 'Cause we kinda don't have the time."
> 
> "... No. This can wait. We'll get the Ichibi first." And he started walking again.
> 
> "Fuckin' finally!"
> 
> "But not before I get a new prescription for my glasses."
> 
> "OH, COME THE FUCK ON!"


	10. There's no room in my bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2020/09/25

Once Sasuke figured out that most missions were made by civilians who couldn't always afford them, a lot of the circumstances around their paycheques became so much more clear.

The ones who'd just lost their families were utter wrecks, wanting to wreck revenge on the person who'd killed them. They often weren't very high-paying missions, but Naruto truly possessed a bleeding heart, and it was Kakashi who had to put the kibosh on most of the blond's plans and let someone else take the low-paying job. He had rent to pay, after all.

The scared ones were desperate, not in the same way as victims of bandits who'd lost their families, but worried. They would promise more than they could afford. They'd be known as contract-breakers, and they couldn't pay on jobs they asked for. Free to kill, free to steal. Naruto didn't like watching that. Sakura minded very little. Sasuke was entirely apathetic.

The ones who needed guarding and invoked a Great Name usually followed through. They recorded those names, of course, and checked beforehand through connected crystal balls the Third Hokage owned... somehow. For some reason. But if for some reason, the person who'd named one of the Great Names didn't hold up to their claim, they were given blanket permission for a blacked-out-apex-five-pointed-star mission.

Which was way too long for something just as easily described as "assassination" - it just saved space on paper. They couldn't be spreading record of a potential Great Name being loose and Konoha not retaliating. They would blacklist Konoha when they didn't have their head delivered, and any other Great Name wouldn't take kindly to a merciful military village.

Kakashi was a bit too efficient at the blanket black-star for Sasuke to like, and Naruto didn't like the gore on his legs, but he closed his eyes and mouth and nose to the too-short body and the smell of fresh blood.

~?~

It would take a few hours to start to stink.

"Is there another mission we could take?" Sasuke asked, looking very distinctly AWAY from the new (headless) corpse.

Bandits.

They were, to quote Shikamaru, troublesome. But often they targeted cargo vans, empty or no. A filled van meant resources you could exploit and sell. An empty one usually means you've gotten paid. And if there was no money or goods to sell second-hand, they would kidnap everyone who couldn't fight and sell them into slavery, or keep them for pleasure.

They were, however, not usually a match for a ninja team, so people paid a lot to have an accompaniment. They were usually C-class missions with bandits or Academy dropouts, and a bit higher if it was threatened by another Hidden Village or missing-nin.

There were politics to missions, too. That was the part Sakura seemed to have no trouble with. She was a veritable wishing well of information for almost every Hidden Village, the respective country, and the aspects that influenced behavior and wording.

(Naruto always took notes here. If he's gonna be Hokage, he's gotta understand how to do the diplomacy thing. And if Sakura wants to be Hokage, she can fight him, 'cause he wanted the position FIRST, DATTEBAYO!)

The Golden Statue Mission started fine. The plan to separate was logical, given the three genin were no match for their teacher (actually, probably the whole of their graduating class couldn't beat him if they all worked together), and they waited patiently in the trees for the target.

But hells if the mission wasn't misranked. Team Seven really had a knack for getting the misranked missions.

One of the targets was adept at shooting an odd sticky blue substance out of his arm, only found out after the trio rushed into battle half-cocked, each thinking of different plans that left the state in a half-confused mess. Sasuke and Naruto managed to escape down a hill with the Objective, and Sakura kept fighting even after she lost the flare.

Sakura played helpless maiden to lure them off their guard. The boys had the gold statue - that was the mission objective. She wasn't really in danger, after all. (The mesh choker covering her throat felt uncomfortably tight all of a sudden.) There was no danger.

(- Haku's mask looked furious-)

She was in no danger.

(- the senbon hit her nerve points, arteries -)

They wouldn't hurt her badly. Probably.

(- she felt her strength draining -)

It was a simple abduction. She could take care of herself.

(- Naruto's growling sounded animalistic -)

Sakura closed her eyes and focused on the swaying of the horses.

(- paralyzed, helpless, it was so hard to breathe -)

It wasn't long, of course, before they stopped. Her eyes darted around - one had a limp, another had subpar weapons, was leaving his left unguarded, was wearing restrictive clothing, clothing that was too loose. If Naruto and Sasuke had any sense, they'd either have gotten Kakashi-sensei or stayed back with the objective object.

"Hey, shitbags!"

Damn the Gods.

Seamlessly, and without moving her fingers for a sign, Sakura burned through the ropes on her limbs and kicked the nearest one in the balls. She stumbled and slipped on the unsteady rocks. She stuck an explosive tag to her first target and ran for the one with the limp. The explosion sounded muffled over the roaring in her ears, and she ignored the screaming as she broke Limpy's hip bad hip, listening as he fell, and broke his wrist. The one with subpar weapons broke rather easily under a less powerful explosive tag.

Naruto and Sasuke were working around each other. They were focusing on the one with the sticky chakra. Sasuke's bo staff was becoming coated with blue globs, and his second hand was rather efficiently stuck to the weapon when Naruto finally got a clear shot with a kunai. It managed to completely avoid the point, but moving away from the flying knife was enough opportunity for Sasuke to jam his staff in the last one's throat.

When he was gasping for air on the ground, Naruto stomped on his chest until there was a distinctive 'crack'. He turned then to Sasuke. "Seriously? A simple laryngeal fracture?"

"I can't exactly angle it right for much else," Sasuke said, and demonstrated. He was only partially right - it would've reached his collarbone and his skull. "Besides, it was instinct."

Sakura sighed and stepped over the moaning near-corpses. "Okay. I'll get Kakashi-sensei. You stay here and keep the statue safe."

"Erm. About that."

It was dented beyond repair.

Sakura blinked at what was supposed to be an ugly bear with a fish in its mouth. "Man, you two are hopeless without someone with more than six collective brain cells, aintcha? Fucking spirits on a stick."

"Hey!" Naruto growled. "Let's see you come up with a better idea for getting the sticky shit off!"

"Sorry, did you forget about your weapons?" Sakura asked, incredulous. "Maneuver around your fingers and cut it off! Or melt it - Sasuke has a fire nature, ya know!"

Naruto groaned and went limp. "Is this even a mission success?"

"The statue's irreparably damaged, dobe, and it was valuable because it was forged by a clan with their bloodline limit." He paused a moment for that to sink in, and then continued, "a clan, I might add, which is now extinct."

"So, it's not a success," Naruto said.

"No, and now we'll have to compensate the client or have them take back their patronage to the village," Sasuke said softly.

Sakura hummed, and slid a few of the metal flower pins from her hair into the thieves' necks. The man with the broken hip screamed louder when Sakura came at him with the pins brandished and started begging.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" He screamed. "Money? Is it money? I- I can get you mon-money!"

Sakura almost smirked. "Maybe. But I'm kinda pissed. See, your leader went and got our statue destroyed. We're gonna need a lot of money to compensate shogun-sama. Maybe your bodies'll be enough on the bounty list."

"No!" he yelled. "Erm, in the horse! There were bags of money! Won in gambling tournaments. It should be enough to pay back the debt!"

"And your leader's head," Naruto said thoughtfully. Being the only one with a free hand, he looked through the bags on the horses. "He's not lying, Sakura. Tons of money."

Sakura hummed, low in her throat. "Well, you know what they say."

The man, still shivering, in pain, looked up through tear-filled eyes. "Let bygones be bygones?"

"Leave no survivors."

With the space of a second, the pin was jewel-deep in his throat.

Sasuke focused on a very nice section of the cliff wall, where there was a nice tree. He scolded himself and looked the corpses in the face, and promptly got out body scrolls.

"The bounty desk," Naruto said. "Yeah, that's the perfect place for 'em. The bounty desk."

Sakura hummed and started sealing the horse's bags into a scroll. "Dead or alive, depending on the bounty amount. They're only paralyzed, after all. We ought to find Kakashi-sensei first, though - he knows the reputable ones."

~?~

The client accepted the ordeal as an unavoidable consequence of getting your things stolen. They were paid for getting the statue back, minus a small portion because they'd returned with damaged goods.

Nevertheless, Naruto and Sakura stayed at Sasuke's house for the usual sleepover that night, ever since they discovered Sasuke didn't quite feel safe at home alone, even behind all his blood wards and protections.

Jut as they were settling under the covers, Naruto grinned and started running his fingers lightly across Sakura's foot.

Her face scrunched up, and she moved it away. "Don't tickle me," she said, very simply.

He continued.

She kicked him off the bed. He landed with a yelp and a low _thump_.

"Sakura," Sasuke half scolded, already tired.

"I'm not sorry," said the rosette, and she turned around and went to sleep.

Naruto grumbled, his little bruises already fading, and climbed back on the bed. "Why'd ya-"

"Because you were being an ass, Naruto, that's why," Sakura said without moving an inch or opening her eyes.

"Don't tickle the sleeping prickly assholes," Sasuke said.

Naruto nodded like it was ancient, precious wisdom.

Sakura kicked them both off the bed this time and fell asleep to the sound of two grumbling boys shuffling under the covers.

"Night," Naruto yawned.

"Shhh," Sakura groaned and put her foot on Naruto's mouth. "Sleepy time."

Sasuke said nothing. But he did hog the blankets, the jerk.

Unseen and unfelt by all, there was a figure on the roof...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **OMAKE 1  
>  In honor of Dragons9987, who keeps reviewing first but never asks for an omake.**
> 
> "Itachi."
> 
> "Yes, Kisame?"
> 
> "When you said we're getting your new glasses..."
> 
> "Yes?"
> 
> "YOU DIDN'T SAY IT TOOK THIS LONG!"
> 
> "It doesn't, actually. But there are a lot of orders, and two months honestly the best time frame I could've hoped for."
> 
> "Erm," the shopkeeper cleared his throat. "If you need any adjustments to the frames, it's free for the next two years at any of our locations."
> 
> "Thank you," said Itachi, and blinked his eyes to adjust to the stronger prescription. "These'll do nicely."
> 
> "NOW can we collect the containers?"
> 
> "Yes. We can now collect the containers."
> 
> "FUCKIN FINALLY!"
> 
> "But not before I get something to eat."
> 
> "UCHIHA FUCKIN ITACHI, YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" Kisame chased Itachi from the store.
> 
> Outside the window, Itachi turned into a murder of crows and disappeared, and Kisame summoned a tidal wave out of nowhere, soaking everyone and knocking more than a few on their butts.
> 
> "... Oh my god, I don't get paid enough for this shit," the shopkeeper whispered.
> 
> * * *
> 
> **OMAKE 2  
>  In honor of MIO, who found out my chapter naming conventions.**
> 
> **[Inspired by the link here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPLnnSHSeLE)** **.**   
>  ****
> 
> Kakashi, all of five, stood on a chair in front of a person who'd been brought in. The Uchiha police were allowing him to shadow one of their rookies as a way to get all the kinks worked out of the young man's work. Fugaku-san, the one assigned to him, was clumsy and odd - he kept tripping over his words and fumbling with his papers.
> 
> So, naturally, with all the conviction in his tiny body, Kakashi took over the interrogation and saved the bumbling idiot's interrogation. "So lemme get this straight. Your alibi is that a mysterious stranger came up to you, handed you the knife, made you put your prints on it, robbed the store, and then hid the knife in your underpants."
> 
> "Well, when you say it like that, it doesn't sound believable," said the probable guilty party.
> 
> "Kakashi," said a nearby Minato, "it's time for your lunch break."
> 
> "Alright, dad," said Kakashi, and hopped down from where his chair was stacked with thick books on department regulations. He was halfway out the door when he realized Minato wasn't following him, and when he looked back he realized everyone's eyes were on him. "Why is everyone staring at me?"
> 
> "You just called your jounin sensei 'dad'. You said 'Alright, dad'."
> 
> Kakashi pulled a kunai. "Yeah, I did! Ya got a problem with it?"
> 
> "Nope, not as long as you admit it," said an unnamed background Uchiha.
> 
> Minato, with a red face, turned toward Kakashi. "C'mon, ramen's getting cold."
> 
> "We always go to an airy restaurant for ramen - it can't get cold if it's not even made for me yet. Don't be weird, dad-sensei. It's not a big deal."


	11. I don't live there anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sincerest apologies for the late update. This story is 100% on the backburner when faced with school, homework, social group and my social life (don't ask why they're different), COVID, afternoons with my grandfather, learning to drive, learning how to play the piano, and adding a bunch a shit to my CV. (Many of these things overlap greatly.)
> 
> (a moment of silence for my steadily dwindling sanity.)
> 
> Anyway. Please enjoy.
> 
> 23/11/2020

Sakura blew a bit of hair out of her face and tied her hair back with a white hair wrap and blue glass flower pins. It went rather effectively with her dark grey pants and light grey shirt and white black-speckled kimono top. "Greys and whites. Greys and whites. Greys and- where the hell is that supposed to be effective camouflage?"

"Well, I don't know," Naruto griped from beneath his uniformly shaded grey pants, sandals, and jacket. "Why doncha ask Kakashi-sensei? He's the one supposed to know where we're goin. What I wanna know is why we're watchin this piece a shit movie."

Sasuke blew a lock of hair out of his face.

Naruto pointed at him. " _Exactly_."

Sakura leaned back on her wrists. "Well, you've got a point there."

Shiro purred and mewled as Sasuke absentmindedly pet her.

"What the fuck is rainbow chakra, even? It doesn't exist," Sakura groaned under her breath. She threw a handful of popcorn at the big screen. "Fuckin dumbass writers. This movie sucks!"

Gale-hime raised her sword and did literally nothing when a big rainbow laser of special effects hit the big bad of the movie. A rainbow laser appeared out of nowhere for no reason, and Gale-hime started this whole speech about following the rainbow and maybe something about dreams-

Sakura rolled her eyes. "How much longer?" she asked Sasuke.

Sasuke blinked and scratched Shiro's head.

"No, really, _that long_? Why do the gods hate us?"

"Because we're assholes, Sakura-chan."

"That was rhetorical, Naruto."

Shiro used Sasuke's shirt as an anchor to climb up his shirt and nuzzled as close to his neck as she could. The little tiny kitten then fell asleep on Sasuke's shoulder, and he had a very hard time not freaking out from sheer adorableness.

"Hey," said a nearby person who was actually probably watching the damned film. "Could you guys be quiet?"

"Yeah, alright," Naruto groaned. Sasuke ignored the stranger and kept petting Shiro absentmindedly. Sakura, for her part, started fiddling with the sealing brush she had tucked behind her ear.

There was, in fact, an after-credits scene that probably lasted less than thirty seconds. None of them cared, and they all left the theater before the credits even finished rolling. Whatever information was coming from this film that Kakashi couldn't just tell them himself was probably in the main body of the film anyway.

They were in Sekitan, a civilian coal mining town near port, where they things like had movie theaters instead of buildings like T&I. Shinobi, as a rule, didn't spend a lot of money on entertainment that couldn't be indefinitely repeated - board games and card games were far less cost-bleeding than movies, and didn't break very often if enough care was applied. The oldest Shogi board among the Nara was almost five hundred years old. Really, Sasuke hadn't even paid for the tickets - he and Naruto had gone dumpster-diving for tickets that weren't covered in over-buttered snacks or wasted drinks, and then cast a genjutsu on the people who needed to look at the tickets and anyone who might've seen.

Since Kakashi was late, like always, they probably had something like at least a half-hour before anything happened.

Thusly, it was as Naruto and Sasuke were sparring using only highly-controlled ninjutsu with a twist (like using fire in the shape of a spear or air as a shield) and Sakura was meditating upside-down that Gale-hime's horse jumped over the fence and barely escaped the armored assholes chasing after her.

Naruto blinked and lowered his tightly-controlled wind-wrapped arm. "Should we go after them?"

"It doesn't have anything to do with us," said Sakura.

"Don't make someone else's problem yours," Sasuke hummed in agreement and threw yet another fire kunai at Naruto.

Kakashi-sensei burst from behind the fence and ran after them, quickly gaining on the creepos in black armor and Gale-hime.

They immediately dropped everything to follow their teacher. Except for Shiro, because Shiro was a precious kitty and Sasuke would never drop her.

~?~

"So this is our client," said Naruto.

"You couldn't have said that instead of sending us to watch a piece of shit movie? Like, what the fuck is rainbow chakra anyway?"

Sasuke continued petting Shiro in silence.

"See, Sasuke gets it!"

Kakashi sighed. "Whatever your personal feelings on the movie, Fujikaze Yukie is our next client. We'll be going to the Land of Snow."

Sasuke hissed through his teeth. "Sensei, where am I leaving Shiro during all this?"

"With someone you trust. Otherwise, I know somewhere she can go."

"Well, first we've gotta actually get Fujikaze-san somewhere she can't escape until filming is done. Otherwise, we'll never actually get on the road," Sakura crossed her arms. She raised her eyes toward the ceiling and observed the harsh light under the blue plastic film. "Hey, client. Got any compunctions about drugging her?"

"... As long as she doesn't get enough that she dies. She needs to be awake soon to begin filming in the Land of Snow."

Sakura pulled a blue pin from her hair that hid a little bright yellow syringe. "This should do the trick."

As Sakura walked off, Sasuke turned to Kakashi and blinked.

"Yes, right. Follow me."

~?~

Fujikaze Yukie woke up the next morning on a boat. She immediately leaned over the side of her bed and puked. "Sandayu!" she groaned, rolling out of her bedsheets onto the nice, cold wooden planks of the room's floor. "Some water please!" she managed before puking again.

Her loyal manager, Asuma Sandayu, burst in with a tall glass of water. "Here you are, Fujikaze-san."

Yukie drank it in slow sips. "Where are we?" she groaned, pressing a hand to her aching stomach. "What happened? Why do I feel like we're rocking side to side?"

"That's not your imagination, hime."

Yukie gasped and rushed outside, clad only in her yellow pajamas. They were in a boat. The air was crisp and harsh against her hair, and she felt her eyes _freeze_ -

Yukie rushed to the side of the boat and puked again into the ocean. She groaned and pressed her forehead to the wooden railway. "Damn the motherfuckin sky spirits. It's too damn cold out."

The set around the boat was still being built, so Yukie sat down on the stairs toward the flagpoles, nauseous and dizzy, and pressed a cold hand to her stomach under her night shirt.

Yukie very carefully blew out a breath. "I'm gonna die."

"Don't be so dramatic, you're not gonna die," Sakura griped from where she was standing upside-down on the flagpole. "You're just gonna have trouble processing food for upwards of a week. I recommend light portions and plain foods, like ungarnished toast and soup broth. They're easy on your stomach."

Yukie shot her a stink-eye and pointedly puked right under where Sakura's three blurry heads were making her dizzy.

"Well, you screw you too ya prideful bitch," she said, and hopped down to carry her back to bed. Yukie was thrown over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes, her stomach against Sakura's shoulder, and she nearly puked again, only there wasn't anything in her stomach. She frowned at the taste of bile on the roof of her mouth, but she quickly fell asleep once Sakura tucked her back under her covers.

~?~

The set piece was done quickly once Naruto started helping with his shadow clones. Its assembly, painting, and test of structural stability went so quick, they even had time for the costume managers to pick carefully at the loose threads in Gale-hime's outfit, and smooth out the little tears and folds in the outfit. There weren't many, as Fujikaze-san kept her outfits in immaculate condition, but they did exist and were quickly patched up. Some were deliberately badly done or left undone because there was a scene where it was relevat or something, where she was trying to sew her own outfit back up and one of her male teammates took it because he was better at it or something. Sasuke didn't really know. He wasn't too concerned with all this movie business.

"An A-rank," he whispered into his sweater collar. "Seems like a lot of fuss to go through for a simple actress."

"She's no simple actress," Kakashi corrected from where he'd been silently watching everything alongside Sasuke. "Fujikaze Yukie-san is a very well-known actress. The chances of her being attacked are higher than average mostly because of her popularity."

"If that's true, and famous people are more likely to be attacked," Sasuke hummed contemplatively, "why do people dream of being famous?"

"Well," Kakashi leaned back a bit, "there's a lot of factors. Some don't know how likely it is to get murdered when you're well-known. Others appreciate the chaos and danger, and others still see it as a badge of honor. Death threats may mean you're being targeted, but it also means you're famous enough or polarizing enough to _warrant_ death threats in the first place."

Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek. "How likely is it that Fujikaze-san has other shinobi hired to oppose us?"

"It was ranked high enough to warrant A, so it's likely. It may also be because of distance, or both. In either case, stay on alert. Anywhere from B-rank to A-rank shinobi might be after her."

Sasuke shifted on his ankle and crossed his arms.

Kakashi put a hand on the back of Sasuke's neck. "I'm not worried about you."

"Neither am I," Sasuke said quickly. "I'm worried about the enemy. And maybe about Shiro. And I'm worried about how cold it's going to be in the Land of Snow, and in relation to that how warm our clothing is, and whether I should ask the costume director for some thermal underclothes, but about me? Nope. I'm not worried about you or Naruto or Sakura."

"Sasuke. It's normal to be worried about death."

"I am worried about death, I freely admit that. But death always comes. It's an inevitable fact of life. If I spent every moment of every day worried about dying, I'd never get anything done. I'd get even less done on missions. So every once and a while, I set aside some time to scream into the existential void of nothingness. But I am fine. Really."

Kakashi patted the crown of his head. "Good that you have a somewhat healthy coping mechanism."

"Unlike my littany of _un_ healthy coping mechanisms."

"At least you're seeing your therapist."

"You should too, sensei. I could hook you up with a nice one."

Kakashi chuckled and pushed Sasuke's shoulder in a playful manner that reminded Sasuke of how he'd seen Shikamaru and Chouji act before the Academy graduation. "Hard pass, cub."

Below, Sakura and Naruto had started an impromptu paint war with the blues and yellows of the makeshift houses and fake windows. They both hadn't gotten more than a few dribbles of the other's paint and more than a few splashes of their own, but the set around them was being covered in blue and red until it mixed to a sick purple that reminded Sasuke of vomit.

"Go check on Fujikaze-san," Kakashi ordered, and Sasuke left mechanically.

When Sasuke was topside again with the woozy lead actress, the purple paint was cleaned and Sakura and Naruto resembled wet dogs more than anyone civilized.

~?~

Sakura very quietly wrote as the film was being recorded. Naruto had swam low enough into the deep blue sea to get a new handheld rock to play with, tossing it between his hands like it was a game. Sasuke and Kakashi were quietly playing poker in the corner, waiting for everything to finish so they could spar noisily over the water.

It had gotten colder the past few days of filming, as they got closer to the Land of Snow. They'd nearly run into a few ice floes on their way - quickly melted by Sasuke, who loved finally having something to do aside from watching Kakashi beat him at card games - but the closer they were getting, the more chakra it took to melt them.

That night, Sakura and Kakashi put temperature regulation seals on all their clothing, and he taught them how to regulate their chakra to keep warm. It was actually different depending on your element, but Sasuke and Naruto figured out rather quickly that Sasuke could heat himself up by circulating chakra faster through his veins and Naruto could warm up the air around him like an aura. Sakura was the one with the most trouble at it, until Kakashi worded it a bit differently.

"This of it like heating your blood."

She had it mastered in less than twenty minutes.

The civilians had to stick to warm clothes or staying indoors with the metal bucket fires and insulation hidden between planks of wood and smelted steel. There were heavy blankets and lovely coats, and the costumes were designed to be worn outside for long periods of time, but the sound managers and assistants were given less of a priority than the actors and directors.

Sasuke didn't really have much of an interest in the franchise as a whole, so he only peripherally paid attention when his client was meant to be acting. Fujikaze-san sometimes puked over the ledge when the boat rocked too hard too fast, but she was recovering nicely from Sakura's sedative. Yukie had taken to bundling herself nice and warm under piles and piles of heavy blankets at night, some even curling around her head and leaving only her mouth uncovered so she could breathe. She might've been an intolerable ass, but she was a more than satisfying actress who managed her roles with grace and decorum.

Sakura didn't apparently care. She was far more absorbed with this new seal that seemed to take most of her attention. She bit her lip and crossed out more than a few parts, entirely rewriting it more than a few times to get rid of the ink marks. She had blue ink smeared under her cheek, all over her fingerprints, and her arms were entirely covered with inky blue notes. She was still listening to the producers talk, though - when something was particularly dumb or there was any mention of rainbow chakra, she would blow raspberries at the deck, low enough that it sounded like static, and get out a new paper like she suddenly had a new idea for an entirely unique seal.

Naruto eventually got tired of playing with his rock, and went to playing Cards or Kunai with Kakashi. They managed to finish a few hands before their man on the flagpole notified them about the iceberg in their path. Essential personnel got off the boat to film on orders of the director, and the shinobi were very carefully keeping an eye out for threats. Of course, it was only once everything was set up that the enemies started on them.

Kakashi nailed the first. "Rank S," he hissed. "Be on your guard."

Sasuke shot at the second, having sensed him more than seen him under the tarp-covered snow. "Very strong chakra," Sasuke hissed. "It feels almost artificial."

With this information, Sakura raised a kunai at the third before she emerged fully from inside her tube-like pillar and hesitated at the pink hair and green eyes. Naruto was the one to shoot a wind technique at her, only to have it promptly absorbed and deflected. "I think there's something wrong with our jutsu."

"Welcome back to the Land of Snow, Koyuki-hime. Did you bring the Hex Key?"

Kakashi's ears twitched. "Rouga Nadare as leader, Rank S, with Fuyukuma Mizore and Kakuyoku Fubuki as seconds, both rank A. They're all in the bingo book, listed as playing major roles in the attempted takeover of the Land of Snow ten years ago, especially using Chakra Armour. Ninjutsu and Genjutsu's useless against them."

Sakura exhaled a puff of cold white breath. "What about fuuinjutsu?" she asked, already getting her sealing pen out from behind her special hair pin with a built-in sealing scroll.

"Unlisted. No fuuinjutsu master's gone against them."

"Let's test that out, then," Sakura said, watching as the boy with purple hair rushed down on his snowboard toward the assembled group. "Mine!"

Sakura launched herself at Mizore. He made to punch her, which she dodged. He started through hand signs when it was clear she was too fast to punch, but the instant his chakra hit the written explosive phrase on his armour in an attempt to activate the lock, his arm exploded. To Mizore's credit, he was rather quick to recover from losing a limb. He dodged and avoided Sakura's kunai swipes, sluggishly and with an imbalanced stance. The pain made his and Sakura's power around equal; he could barely move his fingers into hand signs.

Sealing didn't come as naturally to Kakashi as Sakura, simply because he preferred to stick to multiple specialties and didn't spend as much time on Fuuinjutsu as she did. Fighting with Nadare, he picked up a new technique for a positively humongous ice narwhal that nearly eclipsed the topside of the iceberg and planted a pressure-based explosive tag on his armour when he wasn't looking, effectively destroying the tech.

Sasuke was dealing with Fubuki, who was making advantage out of the air, flying through the wind chill above, where Sasuke could barely see through the fog. Deft fire spears met precise ice senbon. "There's something different about this ice." It wasn't like Haku's; the ice he controlled was far more cutting and controlled, where they would used to the full effectiveness possible. Haku's ice matched him in a way the ice didn't match Fubuki. A senbon caught his arm more than a few times, stuck in the fabric of his jacket. He was losing this fight without being able to see her. The thought of the sharingan made bile rise in his throat, and using it made it even worse.

Thankfully, he didn't have to. Naruto, writing the lead actress off as a lost cause, had left her at his feet and threw an exploding tag attached to a kunai at her. It didn't work - it passed her by a long shot. But it was around this point that Yamade's enormous ice narwhal splashed back into the ocean and soaked everyone on the battlefield, including Fubuki and Yamade, themselves.

They were quick to finish the fight once they realized Mizore was injured. Team Kakashi rushed back on the boat with Koyuki and Sandayu, while Fubuki and Nadare supported a suddenly-pale Mizore off the ice and onto the freezing cold waters.

~?~

 _At least I don't feel nauseous this time,_ thought Yukie when she woke up with a headache, a (far more calm) swaying sensation under her body, and the familiar pulsing ache in her legs from waking up in the morning. She reached into her light travel bag for the iron pills and popped one, rolling her neck and rolling out of bed at a slug's pace, snatching her bathrobe on the way and bundling herself to hide from the familiar biting cold.

She didn't go unnoticed by ninja team in charge as they spoke.

"I knew her when she was a child," said Sandayu, who hadn't noticed Yukie in the doorway. "I knew her father, too. We were at peace for a long time with her father in charge. But his younger brother, Kazahana Dotou, overthrew the old line in a violent revolution. I thought everyone had fallen. The last thing I saw was the palace on fire. I was certain Koyuki-hime-sama had perished, too. But once I knew that she wasn't, and that she was still alive and acting in movies, I became her manager."

"I should've died that day," said Yukie softly. "At least then, I wouldn't be as I am, now, cold and alone."

"Kazaha-"

"My name is **Fujikaze Yukie** ," the sixteen-year-old interrupted sharply. "Consider Kazahana Koyuki dead."

_Kakashi looked askance, over the hill where he could feel very strong enemy chakra signatures coming toward them. "Koyuki-hime-sama, you have to be quiet, or they'll find us!" he whisper-shouted. The six-year-old princess wouldn't stop crying for her father. Kakashi very briefly closed his eyes in regret and opened Obito's eye. Koyuki fell silent under the chakra pressure, and Kakashi whispered the aspects about her that he was rewriting under the genjutsu haze; "Your name is Fujikaze Yukie," he made up on the spot. "Kazahana Koyuki is dead, and -and -and Fujikaze Yukie's too tough for tears!" The sixteen-year-old gritted his teeth and exhaled sharply, sparing only a moment to say "Demons and dragonfire, it's too cold out. Uh, you've really gotta be quiet. We're in danger, kid, and if you're not quiet and you don't come with me out of Snow Country, you're going to die."_

_Kazahana-hime followed him, quietly, and didn't shed a single other tear, even after they'd fled the borders and gotten back to the Land of Fire, where he'd given Koyuki to a civilian orphanage._

Kakashi whistled sharply from between his gritted teeth; his three students immediately refocused on him rather than the actress. "We have bigger problems to worry about than Miss Fujikaze's name. Rouga, Fuyukuma, and Kakuyoku being our primary enemies raises the stakes from rank A to rank S. Normally, I'd go back to the village and request backup. Kids, what do you all think?"

Sakura clicked her tongue against her teeth. "Takin' em down is pretty easy, Kakashi-sensei. Simple explosive phrase, easy to teach. Taijutsu only."

"We can handle this," Sasuke agreed.

Naruto bit his lip. "There better be a bonus in our paycheques. There's a long line between protecting a high-rank actress and protecting a future daimyou."

Kakashi turned to Sandayu. "My pups have spoken. We'll help, on the condition we get more money in our cheques as a result. Got it?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now, let's go draw up a new contract based on that promise."

The director and the ship's captain left to attend to their duties. The three twelve-year-old ninja waited until Yukie had also left until Sakura got out a piece of paper.

"The trick about this one is that it's designed to blow up anything it's written on," said Sakura, who was getting out a piece of paper. It was a long sentence, covering the length of what might've been the equivalent of Sakura's leg. "The way it's designed is by combining these two separate matrix shapes, see the hexagon and the dodecahedron?" She pointed at two distinct phrases that made no sense to Sasuke's eyes. It was just a straight line, after all - no pattern that he could distinguish.

"Sakura, this sounds like the really complicated kinda thing I won't be able to learn real quick," said Naruto. "I mean, props to you for learning all the little details, but we've gotta go back on the battlefield really soon and I don't think we're gonna be able to learn it in such a short amount a time."

Sakura sucked in the inside of her cheek until Sasuke could see her cheekbones very clearly. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. It's hard to learn in such a short amount of time - I barely have a handle on it, myself. But then, what? Am I the only one who's gonna be able to fight those bastards?"

"We'll still have taijutsu," Sasuke muttered petulantly. "If they're relying on long-distance ninjutsu and genjutsu to get anywhere, the Sh-" His breath caught on the word. He continued past the sudden pressure clawing at his voice, "the Sh- the sh- sh-sha-shar-" he exhaled sharply and opened his mouth to try again-

Naruto slapped a hand over Sasuke's mouth. His eyes were hard and he spoke firmly; "Stop. Don't. That's an order, understand? I'm not letting you tear yourself to pieces over this. We'll figure a way without your clan's ruby-red eyes."

"We can do this," Sakura agreed. "You two are awesome at taijutsu. And I can write a million explosive tags or whatever that can be used in battle. It'll probably take a few to penetrate the armour-"

"Sakura."

"Right! Not the priority right now!" Sakura sat on the arm of Sasuke's chair and put her chest against his ear so he could hear her heartbeat. "We're alright," she whispered.

Naruto seemed to agree, because he sat with his side flush against Sasuke's, curling an arm around Sasuke's shoulders and Sakura's waist. "I won't let anything bad happen to either of you."

Sasuke tucked his hands under his butt. "I'm sorry I'm such a liability."

"You're not," Sakura said, firm but soft. "If anyone's the liability here, it's me. I haven't been doing enough taijutsu at all. All I have are my stupid seals."

"Screw that, your seals are really important!" Naruto argued. "If anyone's the liability here, it's me. I still can't concentrate on the medical stuff for too long before my lazy ass has to take a way-too-long long break-"

"Naruto," Sasuke interrupted, "You said you do that because you can't concentrate without the words blurring, and you return to your books once you know can. That's not laziness, that's persistence."

Naruto smoothed back Sasuke's hair. "This isn't about me. We're gonna do okay, though, I promise."

Sasuke leaned back against his chair and relaxed with a sigh. Warmth was returning to his body in little trickles. He exhaled and watched as a puff of white breath permeated the freezing cabana. He didn't have enough energy to warm himself up right now, but that was okay. He was warm as long as Naruto and Sakura were with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Land of Snow, Part 1
> 
> Edit, 25/11/2020: By popular request. Dedicated to YukiNagasawa, who wanted an author-insert scene where I'm also omniscient. Not canon to the story, obviously.
> 
> **Omake: Click**
> 
> Sasuke blinked up at the tree, but the image of the purple-haired girl lazing in the branches did not falter.
> 
> "Erm. Kakashi?" said Sasuke, and watched as the girl started writing in her odd rainbow notebook.
> 
> "Yes, Sasuke?"
> 
> "Am I crazy, or is there a civilian in the branches?"
> 
> Kakashi followed Sasuke's line of sight. "I don't see anything," he said.
> 
> "Only Uchiha can see and hear me," said the girl. "I made that decision a long time ago, before starting this story."
> 
> Sasuke bit his lip. If she was a potential threat who could report back to That Asshole... "Lift your headband, Kakashi."
> 
> He didn't need to look to feel the shock of surprise running through his teammates. Kakashi lifted his headband, revealing the lazily turning Sharingan. Pointedly, he drew a kunai and threw it at the girl.
> 
> She didn't even seem to move, but she was suddenly in a different tree, lazing on a different branch. "You're never going to be able to touch me," she said, and never stopped writing in her book.
> 
> "Hiraishin?" Kakashi muttered.
> 
> "Nope!" said the girl, delighted. "Just the power of my pen. Interesting, ne?"
> 
> Kakashi looked like he was about to draw another knife, but hesitated. "Are you Click?"
> 
> She smiled far too wide for it to be a human. "Right on the button. Please, call me Click-Click."
> 
> "What's going on?" Sakura interrupted.
> 
> "We're speaking with the spirit who records everything," said Sasuke absentmindedly. "She can alter events, too - those in the past and the future and the present."
> 
> "How dare you! I'm not a spirit, I'm totally a real person," she said, halfway serious, before breaking into peals of laughter. "Ah, but seriously, not a spirit. Not a shinobi. I'm certainly not a civilian. The question of whether I am human is... up for debate. Just call me Click."
> 
> Sasuke blinked. "Erm, alright, Click. H-how long do you plan on staying?"
> 
> "Uh, maybe a few more minutes? My mom's making chicken fried rice, and I wouldn't want the house to burn down." She leaned so far back that her legs were the only thing keeping her attached to the tree, her purple hair swaying in the wind. "In the meantime, don't worry. Just pretend I'm not even here."
> 
> Rather hesitantly, Sasuke tore his eyes away from the ancient spirit. His moves were halty in his spar with Naruto, and he nearly decapitated himself when he forgot to dodge.
> 
> When he lifted his head up to yell at her for distracting him, he paused, because he couldn't really remember what he was angry about. Or who he was angry at.
> 
> The same seemed to happen to all his teammates at once.
> 
> "What were we doing?" Sakura asked, hesitant.
> 
> "Probably training," Sasuke shrugged. "Probably not anything important."
> 
> None of them noticed a closed rainbow notebook, an innocent mechanical pen with blue ink laying on top, on a thick branch on the outskirts of the field. If they had, perhaps they would've opened it to see odd drawings of boats and swirls. But they did not, and continued sparring, entirely without memory of Click or their encounter with her.


	12. I'm all good now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not at all satisfied with this chapter, but whatever. It's not like it's gonna get any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 02/05/2021

None of them slept well that night.

Sasuke was teaching the crew basic fighting with a kunai. If they were going to be a part of the upcoming battle, there's no reason they couldn't match Dotou's canon fodder and ensure the survival of a few of them. Save the crew their life insurance and all that.

Sakura spent the night half-asleep, writing explosive tags for the upcoming battle. Neither of the boys had managed anything more than a shaky wobble, and the tags were easy to write - just time-consuming. She had about eleventy seven when the night was over, her writing sloping sleepily when the sun finally rose.

Naruto was meditating, collective chakra. If their armours absorbed chakra, was there a limit where it would shatter under chakra pressure? Did improper chakra control affect function of the absorption? No one really knew - on record, the armours had never faced a jinchuuriki, much less one so immensely powerful as the nine-tails. So Naruto was meditating upside-down on the flag poles, slowly loosening the seal on his wrist and adjusting his control on the way. Even if he could use the Kyuubi's chakra, it was healthier to learn everything now instead of on the fly.

Kakashi was pretending to read porn, looking after his students in the corner of his eye. The sharingan was trained on Naruto, watching and waiting to see if he should react, or if Naruto could handle it when the Kyuubi inevitably loosened his cage as he had in Wave. Slowly turning the key was just about the same of an effect as it breaking away from over use. The truth was, Sasuke couldn't shove the demon back in on his own, he didn't have enough experience or skill with the Sharingan - that's why Kakashi had placed him at the other end of the boat with the crew so he wouldn't be tempted to try when it happened. It could irreparably damage Naruto's mental state, kill Sasuke, and leave Sakura alone in Anbu while she withdrew from Kakashi.

(Maybe he was projecting a little, but the point still stood.)

Fujikaze Yukie-san felt too cold to get out from her blanket cocoon, stuck in the same mental trap she used to fall in whenever she thought of Wave's princess. She and Kazehana Koyuki weren't the same person. Why everyone had trouble accepting that was rather beyond her. She slept restlessly that night, cloaked in shadow and cold.

Before the dawn, Mizore tied off a strip of leather on his arm and Nadare froze the wound shut. Fubuki kept watch, wincing as the biting wing hit her face, and watched as the sun rose over the tree line.

At dawn, Dotou watched the sky's stain turn from dark grey to light grey. He watched the glistening snow-covered pine trees glisten in the cold light, watched as his train took off, he watched as the gentle snow started falling on the ever-frozen ground, and smirked when he saw his people preparing for the coming fight.

~?~

The snow left too many tracks, but there really wasn't much they could do. The snow fell as it always did, the wind blowing hard and quick, quickly hiding most tracks from anyone who might follow and try to kill their client.

Sakura, sealing supplies ready and the scrolls around her waist filled with sharp explosive phrases, was in the front of the carts to watch for avalanches or other hazards, since it was unlikely they could get in front of them without knowing their route or who was at their back. Kakashi was stuck at the back, watching their tail. Sasuke was in one of the middle carts, learning all he could about film production so they could make the filming process shorter or take over if someone died. Naruto was stuck with Yukie-san in her cart, watching their psychologically unstable flight risk.

Yukie had herself folded into a ball of flesh and blankets. "It's too cold."

"Damn, is that what I sound like?" Naruto griped, holding his neck. "Look, I get you're scared of them bastards after you, but it really doesn't do anything to complain about every single little thing."

"I haven't been," Yukie retorted, burrowing further in her blankets. "Just about the cold."

Naruto rolled his eyes and started polishing a kunai. "Then stop whinin' about it. Nothin I can do to fix it."

Yukie huffed a white puff of breath and shivered.

Naruto's comm rock briefly warmed, shone pastel pink.

"That's Sakura. We're coming up on the designated stop. Get yourself dressed for outside."

"You're not my boss," she muttered petulantly, but got on her coat and good boots anyway.

~?~

"Mizore?"

The purple-haired tank gritted his teeth. "I'll be fine. Go and fight."

Fubuki looked askance. "Mizore, Nadare's right. You're gonna die if you stay alone in the cold too long. Let us take care of you."

Mizore tried futilely to get to his feet, his face blanching to a milky white and unbalancing a few seconds before righting himself and leaning on his left. "Dotou's not gonna be happy if we go nukenin."

Nadare grit his teeth. "Hatake will kill us if we touch his children."

"They're not his kids," Mizore protested.

"You're deluding yourself," Fubuki sneered. "He stands so protectively. He trusts them with his back. Perhaps you didn't see, so addled with pain as you were."

Mizore huffed. "He let the pink one rush forward. They don't even have chuunin vests."

"It changes nothing," said Nadare. "We can't continue working for Dotou. The benefits outweigh the costs. We're the most powerful in Snow. Dotou doesn't have a ninja village to find us, but if we kill the Fourth's son and the last loyal Uchiha, Hatake will ensure Konoha seeks vengeance."

"And what of the Haruno girl?"

"We're enemies on a mission, not seeking a personal vendetta. She probably won't tell."

Fubuki looked aside. "I'm not fighting her."

"You won't have to. There are times to fight and times to retreat. This is the latter of the two."

Hidden in the storm, three shinobi took to the treetops and ran. The only evidence of their existence a few hours later was a faint blood spot buried under blustering snowy wind.

~?~

In some ways, Naruto mused, being an actor and being a ninja were rather similar professions.

The constant travel, the disguises, the false names, the professional lying, faking emotion. It was all very much a talent as much as any other. Kakashi-sensei said it had to be practiced constantly to maintain a level of excellence, so he knew the actors had to actually work when they acted. It wasn't necessarily natural skill. Shinobi of Konoha had rotational theater groups they had to take for long-term undercover missions, just to practice facial expressions and tone of voice. Sometimes it was only for an accent.

In others, it couldn't be more different. The killing wasn't present, and the actors could always go back, rewind, refilm if they'd made a mistake with their lines or the director wasn't satisfied with the scene. They always had the opportunity to backtrack and pretend they had fifty tries if that's what it took. Ninja didn't have that sort of luxury - and chess move they made, that was it - they couldn't backtrack or rely on anyone but themselves and they comrades to get them out of their shit pile.

Speaking of comrades.

Naruto's eye was rather firmly kept on his teammates. Only Kakashi had a vague air of nonchalance - Sasuke and Sakura were both fidgeting at the slightest of sounds for their weapons and Sasuke nearly knifed someone when they accidentally dropped a piece of equipment.

Kakashi's signature changed a brief second, and he started running in the direction of the cave.

Naruto's comm rock warmed briefly.

Grey-white-blue-white-grey-blue-blue, pause, pink-white-yellow-blue-dark blue-grey, pause, a steady stream of vibrations.

"Alright, everyone start packing up!" Sasuke yelled.

Sakura hopped on top of the caravans and yelled at the drivers to start the engines.

Naruto, not risking a thing with princess flight risk, threw her over his shoulder and started running.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" Yukie-san yelled, pushing against his shoulder and kicking her legs.

"Be still if you want to live!" Naruto yelled back and started running away from the obvious targets, over the cliff. The cleats on his sandals and the kakute under his gloves provided a better grip against the slippery rock surface.

For a civilian, Naruto noted absentmindedly, it was odd that Yukie stayed completely silent.

The blond looked over his shoulder, just able to see the barest glimpse of Yukie's long black hair, entirely inconvenient in battle to have loose as she did. "Y'alright there, Yukie-san?"

She shivered horribly through her rather warmly altered costume. "It's cold."

Naruto sighed. "So you're fine."

"Yeah," she said dully. "Just cold. and terrified for my life. But- but mostly cold."

Naruto looked straight ahead so he didn't have to look down. "You've got your priorities seriously skewed there, Yukie-san."

"I know," she said. "Sorry."

Naruto strained his ears. He could hear a train coming up in the distance and hoped the cover of the cliff side would be enough to keep the princess safe. It came to a dead stop somewhere he remembered the caravans were, so he tensed in preparation to let go of the cliff wall and hope he landed good enough to keep Fujikaze-san safe.

The loudspeakers blared. "SURRENDER KAZAHANA KOYUKI AND THE HEX KEY, OR WE WILL KILL EVERYONE HERE!"

Yukie huffed. Too low to be a whisper, she muttered "I'm not Koyuki-hime."

Naruto sighed and flexed his fingers against the icy cliffside. "It doesn't much matter if they're gonna kill you for being her. If they think she's you, they think you have the hex key and they'll never stop chasing you until they get it."

Yukie relaxed against his shoulder, defeated. "I don't even know what this 'hex key' is."

Naruto sighed. "Well, what the hell do you want me to do about it?"

There were shouts coming over the cliff, first sounding triumphant and battle-ready. It was interrupted by mechanical movements, and replaced with screams of pain over the tones of the shots. He could feel Yukie going rigid, clutching tighter to him. Naruto's teeth clenched - it hurt to listen to this.

Very carefully, slowly, he slipped down the cliff side onto a nearby ledge and sat down. Once she was on her butt, he shook his comm rock, flashing it yellow.

The reply only came when the screaming stopped entirely, no more loud mechanical thunks echoing over the side of the mountain.

He turned, eyes grim, to Yukie. "Sasuke managed to get the civilians away from the site. None of them are dead, but they probably saw the bodies."

"Bodies?" she asked, voice grim and regretful, but not distinctly mournful.

"Yeah," he said, and scratched at his scalp. "Turns out there was a small revolution in your name. They're all dead."

The woman shivered, strong and violent, and she curled into a pathetic ball.

"Cold?" Naruto asked, leaning against the cliff wall.

"Yeah," she said softly. "So are they."

~?~

"Don't look," Kakashi advised softly.

Sakura inhaled sharply. "I sorta need to get used to this."

"Not now, dear."

"It has to be now. Better now than when it's my comrades."

Kakashi sighed heavily. "Alright. The boys are with the civvies. Let me teach you how to pick a corpse for valuables."

Sakura turned, and almost immediately puked at the gruesome scene. Spitting into the fresh snow, she groaned and dug into her water bottle to rid her mouth of the taste of bile. "Gruuh, I hate puking."

Kakashi's nose scrunched up. "Is there anyone who actually likes puking?"

"Probably not, other than people with preexisting health conditions," the girl groaned and pressed her face into the snow. She compressed a small chunk and slid it under her tongue, and rubbed another handful in her hair. "I could ask Naruto if you like."

Kakashi groaned and rubbed away the snowflakes stuck to her hair. "Are you trying to get sick?"

"No. I tend to overheat when I puke."

"No real worry there, seeing as we're outside in the middle of a snowfall," Kakashi scoffed. "Doing better?"

"... No."

Kakashi relaxed like all the fight drained out of him. He undid her hitai-ate and tied it so the emblem blocked her eyes. "Rest, cub. I'll teach you how to properly desecrate a corpse later."

"... Okay," she said, and arranged herself so she was lying down in the snow on the opposite side as her puke puddle. "Be sure to cover the bodies before Sasuke and Naruto come back."

"I will. Right after doing a little bit of housekeeping."

~?~

The director was obviously nervous. He kept fidgeting, looking over at Sasuke and at the equipment that was slowly being broken down by the cameramen and the effects technicians. He kept looking over at Sasuke. Everyone around kept looking over at Sasuke.

Sasuke sighed. "I'm not letting any of you go before sensei gives the okay."

At least they were warm in the caravans. Unlikely to die of hypothermia. As long as they didn't look outside, they would be fine. Little red rivers wouldn't haunt their nightmares.

It wasn't something a civilian needed to see.

Distantly, there was the sound of a huge, loud crash. Sasuke jumped and rushed outside, slamming the door shut behind him. The cliffside was far enough away that Sasuke had to run to see what was wrong.

The train tracks leading from the mountains to the cities were destroyed, and the train lay below, aflame. Distantly, the sound of pained screaming echoed.

"Naruto!" he called downward. "Are you dead?"

A heart-stopping pause, before "You wish, teme!" echoed from the gorge.

"How's Fujikaze-san?" he asked.

"Just fine! Can we come up yet?"

Sasuke hissed, refused to look backwards at what he knew was pure carnage. "Not yet! I'll glow you when you can!"

"Sure!"

Sasuke looked down at his feet and followed his footsteps back in the snow's imprints, closing the door on the cold behind him.

(He could smell death even without the bodies. It was thick and suffocating. Damn, he hated it.)

(He wondered how many nightmares Sakura and Kakashi would have from this, of the bodies with horrible wounds and the snow melting mixed with warm sludgy blood. Or the nightmares haunting Naruto, of near-death, hanging over a cliff with Yukie-san on his shoulder.

It was said demons haunted shinobi without cease, testing them in dreams pretending to be ancestors and whispering how to kill random civilians during the days. The strong could ignore them. The wise listened and never acted.

Sasuke wished he was strong instead of wise.)

He sneezed inside the truck.

"You okay?" one of the cameramen asked.

He looked to the side. Stupid. Even a civilian knew that as a sign of obvious lying. The lie itself, "Pollen allergies", only made it worse. They were in the middle of a frozen wasteland - not a lot of flora around.

It seemed to be to his advantage, though. No one else spoke to him without being spoken to first.

~?~

"I need to leave here when this is done," Yukie groaned, rubbing her arms to gain back warmth. "It's nothing personal, just the leader of a country having a personal vendetta against his niece who he thinks is me. We're going to die if we stay, and I don't want to die."

Naruto stayed quiet, leaning backwards against the cliff. He checked his rock again, and settled back again.

"Aren't you gonna try to talk me out of it?" Yukie snarked.

Naruto scratched his cheek. "I'd have to take another look at the contract, but inciting revolution wasn't a part of the job description. If you wanna leave, I'm not really gonna argue."

"Good," said the actress, and shifted a bit more. "Hey, when are your dumb teammates gonna do anything about us being stuck here?"

Naruto grit his teeth. _Do not hit the client. Do not hit the client._ "We're not stuck here. I can get up on my own and take you with me. I'm just not going to before I get the signal."

Yukie sighed. "Well, way procedure takes, we might be here a while."

Naruto couldn't really argue with that. Properly picking and then disposing of a corpse in a respectful way according to their culture was a time-consuming process. He reached into his haori for the travel version of shogi, the kind with little magnets on the pieces and the board.

"Know how to play?"

Yukie smiled, wide and offputting after so much time frowning. She reached into her own coat for some foreign game of shogi - different looks to the pieces with no writing. "We'll play a few games each?"

Naruto sweatdropped. "Oh, no, you actually know this game don't you?"

Her smirk only got wider in response. "I did grow up in a Fire Country orphanage. Hard-pressed not to learn how to play some games."

"And that one? he asked, gesturing to the kit by her feet as he set up the miniature board and pieces.

"I've been playing as long as I can remember."

It wasn't a Fire Country game. Though, to be fair, she was raised in a civilian town. Might've been different trade routes that Naruto didn't know or care about coming from different countries.

"Sure. But we'll start with shogi."

"I'll teach you how to play Chess afterward. It's just a bit different."

~?~

"Can I take off the headband yet?" Sakura asked, tugging at some of the hair trapped uncomfortably between the fabric and her scalp.

Kakashi roughly pulled a kunai out of a rapidly cooling body. "Nope!" She didn't need to see this if she wasn't ready. He would let it go this time - he really would make them next.

He sighed. Usual list. Jewelry, weapons, armour and clothing, food and drugs, and organs. Jewelry was rare on these bodies, but he did manage to find a few nice gold rings and blankets with some nice rocks, and weapons were clean and well-maintained. Some organs had survived the onslaught - the occasional kidney, liver, maybe a heart, a lung or two. The armour was thus useless - he collected the metal anyway for their smiths. Food scrolls were rarely carried onto active battlefields.

It seemed to be the norm among these insurgents to have threadbare clothing, living off the bare necessities. They didn't even have helmets.

Mechanically, he sealed away another round of kunai, bodies into another scroll, armour into another, miscellaneous weapons in a third, and anything else in its own sterile medical scroll or a scroll marked miscellaneous.

It took three hours for the entire process to be done. Kakashi had to bring Sakura back to the caravans once she tried unsticking her headband from the seal he'd put on her eyes.

She didn't need to see any more of this.

He rolled his neck and sighed, thumbing at his comm rock. He pulsed it a brief triple-blue code.

Kakashi sighed and collapsed into the snow.

~?~

Yukie was laughing softly at Naruto's jokes in between her bitching about the cold on their seventeenth game of shogi when Kakashi finally glowed him.

"Time to go," he said and packed up his kit. "This was fun."

Yukie smiled. "Where did you learn such strategies?"

Naruto chuckled. "Y'know. Around."

He'd been playing with Shikamaru for a while on shogi - the Nara was teaching him strategy, if only so he'd have a good opponent he didn't have to hear rematch threats with at the dinner table, or who his mom wouldn't yell at for playing at the dinner table. This Chess was new, though - didn't quite like it. All the pieces were so weird. And what the hell was castling, anyway? Why was that a legal move? Why couldn't the queen castle?

Yukie tucked her kit into her coat. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," said Naruto, and threw her over his shoulder. "Good back there?"

"Mm-hmm," said the actress. "Gahh."

"Cold?" Naruto asked, rhetorical.

"No, I'm only just now realizing we're on a cliff side and there is nothing between you and the ground but a thousand feet of air," Yukie said breathily, sounding queasy. "I never realized how acrophobic I am."

"Just keep talking," Naruto said soothingly. "Hey, recite Queen's Gambit Declined again?"

Thankfully, she was so well-acquainted with the game that she could recite coordinates and piece movements without an actual board or the pieces. It at least kept her calm, prevented shock, until they were on solid ground.

Thankfully, the entire place looked entirely untouched. He didn't think he could deal with the ensuing civilian reactions to shock. Especially not his own.

The cameramen were going about, looking around at the untouched scene.

"It looks too perfect," said one thoughtfully.

"We're leaving," said Yukie quickly, shooing the civilians back in their caravans. "Now."

A natural born leader.

"Good," said Sasuke. The less time spent on a battlefield, the better.

~?~

"What was the hex key even for, anyway?" Fubuki finally asked. "I mean, we were assigned to get it. What did it unlock?"

"Don't know," said Nadare.

"Not our business," Mizore agreed. "But it's a good thing we're leaving without delivering. The civilians wouldn't like what would happen. Probably lead to violent revolution."

~?~

"Sandayu told me about it," said Yukie. "It was a machine designed to bring Spring to the Land of Snow."

Kakashi nodded. "Sure. And there's a reason Kazehana Sousetsu-sama was overthrown when he suggested that in any serious sense. For centuries, Snow's people have known nothing but winter. Melting the snow is melting glaciers that have been intact since before the Tailed Beasts, destroying the unique wildlife, flooding the cities. Some aspects of the country still have a vibrant religion built around the meteorological conditions like the difference between snow, snowfall, blizzards, rain, hail, sunlight, the shapes in the clouds, and aurora effects. Melting the snow is paramount to destroying a huge part of their cultural identity. It's not healthy."

Yukie hummed and looked at the innocent crystal in the palm of her hand. She very carefully undid the chain and suddenly broke the purple glass against the metal floor of the caravan.

"Yukie-chan?"

"If this was somehow Kazehana Koyuki's Hex Key, there's no chance anyone will every get to those heaters," she said viciously.

Sasuke nodded. "You did well."

Yukie exhaled, soft and slow. "What happens to Snow without a leader?"

Kakashi's long exhale turned into a sentence; "Probably they'll appoint a regent, or someone will overthrow the old guard with a new generation."

"Either way, politically unstable for the next five years at least," Sakura sighed. She could barely keep her eyes open, using Kakashi as a pillow as Sasuke and Naruto played shogi and Kakashi played that weird bastardized version of shogi with Yukie. "Maybe even longer if, erm, if..."

"If they can't keep control of the population," Sasuke finished. "Go to sleep, Sakura."

The rosette yawned hugely. "Alright. Nighty night."

It didn't even take twenty minutes for Sasuke and Naruto to join her, curled up in a tangle of limbs on their sensei, a mattress.

"Doesn't that bother you?" Yukie asked, gesturing to his students.

"Nope," said Kakashi. "King's knight takes king's rook. Check."

Yukie smiled and moved a pawn to capture Kakashi's knight. "You're a fantastic player. Been a while since I haven't met someone I couldn't tie up in less than ten moves."

Kakashi nodded. "You've forgotten about my bishop. H2, check."

Two more moves as a pawn blocked Kakashi's bishop and Kakashi moved a pawn for her queen's side rook, "And you've forgotten your bishop was protecting your queen," said Yukie, and moved her knight to take his most powerful piece. "Checkmate."

Kakashi blinked. "What? That's checkmate?"

"Yup. You can't move anywhere here 'cause of the bishop, and the knight here and your pawns block the rest." She was smiling wide, faking innocence.

Kakashi sighed. "I hate you."

"Thank you. Play again?"

"Of course. How're you doing with the cold?"

"I'm under a sealed blanket for warmth. I can handle it from here until we get back to the mainland."

Kakashi nodded. "Good. Once we get back on the mainland, we'll be parting ways anyway."

Yukie sighed. "Well, we'll be able to film in Fire Country anyway, when winter rolls around."

Kakashi shifted and managed to get himself lying down on the floor without much moving his sleepy cubs. "Good luck to you in all your endeavours."

"Thank you, ANBU-san."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "So you remember."

"Yeah. They hire an Uchiha to break genjutsu on all the new arrivals to screen for abuse, and a Yamanaka to mindwalk and confirm. I've known since the month you left me there."

Kakashi's eyebrows furrowed. "Yet you go by Fujikaze Yukie."

"Well," she shrugged. "You did give me a good code name, and I was in grave danger from what was going on. Alone, without an ally. Who knows what the bounty on my head was, or who was secretly aligned with Dotou? It was safer and easier to maintain the charade."

"Then, acting?"

Yukie's smile curved into something not unlike regret. "I'm good at fooling people."

Kakashi chuckled. "Well put, Yukie-san."

"Thank you, ANBU-san. Though, to be fair, you only didn't notice because you were too distracted with your own guilt." She'd finally reset the pieces. "First move to white pieces."

Kakashi nodded. "Erm, E4."

"E5," she said helpfully since Kakashi couldn't exactly see the board.

"D4."

Yukie raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Queen's Gambit?"

Kakashi shrugged. "It works."

A little tchick indicated the magnet moving. "F6."

Naruto's snoring interrupted them.

Yukie's smile widened. "Maybe I should pack this away til tomorrow?"

"Not a bad idea," said Kakashi, settling into the warmth of his students' bodies. "Good night, Fujikaze Yukie."

"Good night, ANBU-san."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Omake: IT WASN'T MY FAULT, HASHIRAMA!**  
>  Dedicated to Stop_And_Smell_The_Roses, who requested an omake involving Hashi & Tobi. It really was far too interpretive :P
> 
> Hashirama blinked.
> 
> The odd not-a-plant blinked back.
> 
> "Are you a human?" Hashirama asked the plant.
> 
> "No."
> 
> "I'll take that as a yes," said Hashirama, tilting his head. "You feel like a plant."
> 
> "Tobi is not a plant! Tobi is a good boy!" said the not-a-plant.
> 
> Hashirama very suddenly dragged the not-a-plant away from its roots he was so worried about. "Did my brother make you?"
> 
> Tobi blinked. "Not technically. Tobi is a good boy with good parents! One was a tree!"
> 
> "Definitely sounds like kinjutsu I haven't outlawed yet," Hashirama grumbled, throwing Tobi over his shoulder. "Ugh, he is not gonna like the new restrictions on his lab. He's not gonna be happy."
> 
> It turned out the Nidaime's best-equipped scientific laboratory was no more than five feet away. So _that_ was that odd building with the odd puff of purple smoke and maniacal laughter. No wonder Hashirama assumed his half-plant ass was an experiment.
> 
> "BUT TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" Tobi protested. "LET TOBI DOWN! TOBI DOESN'T LIKE HEIGHTS! HE DOESN'T LIKE BEING OFF THE GROUND! UNLESS IT'S WITH DEIDARA-SENPAI BECAUSE HE FOLLOWS LIKE A GOOD APPRENTICE BECAUSE _TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!_ "
> 
> "Tell me all about it. On the way to Tobirama's office, because you're some serious kinjutsu material if I ever seen kinjutsu-declarable-worthy material. And I have." He shuddered. " _The Oysters._ "
> 
> Tobi... didn't want to know.
> 
> "Let Tobi down! Tobi can walk himself!"
> 
> Hashirama scoffed. "Yeah, sure. I know my baby brother's experiments. If I let you down, you'll run off and I'll never see you again. I'm not letting you go - not after The Koi Fish Incident."
> 
> "But- But Tobi is a good boy!" he insisted. "Tobi didn't have anything to do with the koi fish!"
> 
> "I'm sure you didn't, but precautions must still be made," Hashirama said, entirely apathetic. He sounded like he heard way too much shit to still be sane, at least three quarters of it from weird science.
> 
> Last-resort precaution, as always, Tobi activated the Kamui in his left eye and slipped into his personal pocket space dimension.
> 
> The last thing he heard out of Hashirama-sama was a loud " _ **FUUUUUUUCK!**_ "


	13. Broken for me (now it's broken for you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 02/16/2021

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all. Stay safe.

The day they got back to Konoha, the team split off.

(Not permanently. Sasuke might just have a heart attack.)

Naruto was delivering the harvested organs to the hospital. Sakura had gone to the library muttering about scales. Kakashi went to a pawn shop to get the jewelry he'd picked off the bodies appraised.

Sasuke was in the private training field on the Uchiha compound. The composition of the swamp tended to change the more the weather changed with it. Being autumn, the smell was beginning to wear off and the water was becoming more sludgey than watery.

"It needs more fish," he decided, stepping on the water, talking to himself as he often did when he was alone. "Algae eaters would be the best - I'll talk to Kakashi about getting some more. Maybe he knows which breed are the best."

A few experimental steps. One was perfect, the next made his foot sink to his knee. He blew out a steady breath and slowly started walking on the new odd density.

The ratio for chakra control still hadn't changed. Sakura was best, Kakashi was second-best, Naruto was third-best, and Sasuke was last. Objectively, they trained more in it anyway since Naruto was a medic-nin and Sakura needed a huge amount of control to write seals while Kakashi had years more experience with practical chakra, but it still irked Sasuke that he was leagues behind his teammates.

He took a steadying breath and started tiptoeing on the surface. It got easier with a few steps. He did a few laps before starting to pick up the speed, a walk turning into a jog into a run.

It started raining, and he smiled. There was a reason he'd chosen today - rain tended to mess with the surface of the water, especially heavy rain. it was better chakra control disruption than the fish, which was an incredible advantage when learning modulation.

He fell at least three times in the first minute when it started raining heavily, laughing at the clouds and getting up each time. Getting better each time.

When he finally came home, dripping buckets, Shiro was positively wailing. Though she was a house cat, she liked to go outside once a day to hunt and run around the rat-infested Uchiha compound. That's why he didn't have to feed her more than once a day - she got plenty of exercise and food at the same time, and often brought home half a mouse for him too. Though, it wasn't a shock she wouldn't do well in rain - she was currently under one of the remaining house's balconies, hiding from the torrent of rainwater without much luck.

Sasuke picked her up - she was shivering and her claws scratched at his shirt.

"Hey," he said softly, petting her if only to get rid of a good handful of water, and he leaned over her going back inside so she wouldn't get much more wet. "It's alright," he said softly and started up the stairs for the bathroom closet where clean towels were stacked. Petting her gently, the water came off easily, leaving her damp. "I'll turn up the heat a bit, make it a bit more comfortable. How about that?"

His only answer was an indignant mewl.

"Love you too, kitty."

The towels had seals stitched into them for quick drying and self-cleaning with a side of self-maintenance - a birthday present for his late mother from Kushina-oba and her husband before he was born. Shiro was quickly more comfortable on the drying towel, munching at the dead mouse she'd left on his doorstep earlier. He'd turned up the dial on the personal heating seal in the floorboards by two degrees so as to not heat the room too quickly.

~?~

It could only be described as fateful that on this very dark and stormy night, Kakashi infiltrated his home with Naruto.

No, really, it was very literally in the middle of the night. Or was it early morning if it was two o'clock? Gruh, early morning garbage brain. it was way-too-fuckin-early-o'clock for them to be here.

"What the fuck?" Sasuke whispered, watching the two come in from the rain looking like drowned rats. Shiro was asleep in his arms, tail twitching as she slept.

"Sorry," said a sheepish Kakashi. "Naruto's apartment and all his valuables are being repossessed."

Well, he was awake now.

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "Managed to get everything important in a scroll. Can I stay with you here a week, teme? Just while I get this sorted out?"

Sasuke blinked. "Yeah. Yeah, of course, stay as long as you need. It, erm, it seems illegal to do this without telling you about it first."

Kakashi shrugged. "The messages came while we were on missions. The first in Suna, then to Snow."

"I was trying to get my bills squared away, and then there was that whole thing with Sakura's sealing experiments. They gave me an extra month since I'm a shinobi, but it's been since graduation."

Oh, right. They were using Naruto's home as a hiding place for her incomplete sealing experiments. There were so many, it was easy for a simple letter or scroll to get lost in the flotsam.

"Right," he whispered. "Yeah. You can take one of the spare rooms. Or the house opposite if you prefer that."

"I'm alright here."

Fair. Especially since Shisui's house had been cleaned of almost everything but the heavy furniture and most of that had to be thrown away on account of the mold, the bloodstains, the age, or the infestations of bugs and mice. The same deep clean had happened in Sasuke's house, too - the beds that were left were clean and the mattresses were new.

Kakashi nodded. "I'll leave you two to it."

"Thank you," Sasuke said halfmindedly, already moving to sit at Naruto's side. "See you tomorrow."

Kakashi didn't even fully close the door when Naruto shuffled closer to Sasuke's body and slowly curled into his side like the heat leech he was.

"This okay?" he asked, sounding drained.

"Yeah," said Sasuke, who in truth felt quite fidgety. "Erm, hold on," he said, and passed Shiro to Naruto and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, wrapping it around both of them loose enough so Shiro could rest on top.

Naruto yawned. "Okay, before I fall asleep," he said without waiting for the yawn to finish, "Do you mind sleeping on the couch with me, or do you wanna get the sleeping situation squared away first?"

Sasuke sighed and scooted down so his neck wouldn't hurt tomorrow. "Naruto, I'm so tired right now I'd fall asleep in an ice bath. Now shhhhhhh."

Naruto seemed to hesitate before curling up on top of Sasuke too. "Night."

"Shh."

~?~

What shocked Sasuke wasn't waking to a snoring Naruto - he tended to sleep a long time and sleep anywhere, given his habit of twelve-hour shifts at the hospital as a medical student. Nor did it shock Sasuke that Shiro was sleeping inelegantly on his face.

No, because once he got Shiro off his face and picked up in an arm, and carefully out from Naruto without waking him, there was a bag of huge oranges in the sink. Like, softball-huge type oranges.

"NARUTO!" Sasuke yelled, and for once took no pleasure in seeing him start awake, nearly falling off the couch.

"GAAH! I'm awake!"

Without looking away from the innocent-looking fruit, Sasuke hissed, "Why are there oranges in the sink?"

Naruto scratched his cheek. "It's thursday, right?"

"Random, but yeah," Sasuke answered. "Why?"

Groaning, Naruto got up and walked over to the sink. "It's either an assassination attempt or ANBU Neko. Or maybe Inu. Sometimes both."

Sasuke jolted. "Wait. Did you say Neko and Inu? Both ANBU operatives?"

"Mm-hmm. Neko and Inu raised me, along with a string of ANBU nannies. They've been on my guard since I was a baby. I actually learned their sign language before speech. How crazy is that?"

Sasuke joined him in the kitchen, hesitantly touching the oranges and cutting it into slices. "Not as crazy as this. Inu took over raising me after- erm, after Stupid Traitor Uchiha happened. and Neko came on anniversaries and stuff."

Naruto paused from where he was washing the oranges. "Really? That would be about five years ago - just when I noticed Inu-san was gone more often."

They met each others' eyes.

Sasuke shifted sheepishly. "Maybe it wasn't the same them?"

Naruto was breathing very carefully. "Erm. Hm. Well, Neko's mask is red. He taught me how to do taxes - he's a really analytical person. And Inu has dog hair all over him all the time, and he almost feels like an old man for a ninja even though he doesn't at all move like one. His mask was red, too."

"That's the same Inu," said Sasuke, because Inu's chakra felt very old and tired with decades-old injuries even if he moved like a twenty-year-old, "but Neko doesn't sound the same. Mine's mask is green. He taught me how to garden, and he used to stand over me waiting for me to eat my vegetables like I was a disgrace to shinobi if I didn't. Fukurou was the one who took care of my taxes."

Naruto's lips pursed. "Then the question isn't 'who's Neko', but 'how many Neko masks exist in ANBU'."

Sasuke crossed his arms and leaned back against his counter. "The records won't help. They fashion masks specific for each person because bloodlimits require specific aspects, and each mask is broken after death. Since ANBU demands complete anonymity, most records pertaining to the identity of their agents are forged or under aliases."

Naruto nodded. "I've seen more agents with glass masks instead of porcelain. I think the dye in the glass makes less of a smell than porcelain paint."

"Then all we need to do is find a glass blower?"

~?~

"My dad's sleeping," said an exhausted and mussed-up Sakura. "Can this wait?"

"Erm, a little while I guess," Naruto said sheepishly, "but I really need to talk with him y'know, cause he might know how to get in contact with my guardians who've raised me."

She didn't look any more awake, but she did let them inside with strict orders not to touch anything breakable.

Which was just about everything in here.

Sakura's father probably had made everything here or bought everything here with a generous employee discount. Though, Sasuke was curious about the glass scroll shelf. The detail, after all, was impeccable.

Though, the labelling was odd. Who put 'SPOON' on a shelf for taijutsu scrolls?

"One of my dad's practical jokes. The labels are all off on purpose to annoy mom," Sakura explained through a yawn when she came downstairs. She pawed at her eyelids. "Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night. Dad's gonna be down in a minute or two." She flopped down on the squishy arm chair and started sketching on a thick scroll, a smooth glass surface on her lap to keep the strokes steady.

Naruto's leg was shaking. "He can't come down sooner?"

"You want him wearing pants, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then wait."

Kizashi stumbled downstairs about ten minutes later, looking like death warmed over in overly loose sweatpants.

"Haruno-san, we had some qu-"

"Coffee first," the purple-haired man interrupted, bumping into the doorframe on his way to the kitchen. "Too goddamn early for this. Sakura?"

"Bread box," she answered over her shoulder and looked at the fidgety boys on the couch. "Erm, do you two want some privacy for this?"

Naruto exhaled softly. "It's alright with me."

Sasuke shrugged.

Sakura winced. "It's fine, I'll leave you three alone."

She picked up her things and shuffled upstairs.

Looking only slightly more energetic, Kizashi flopped into Sakura's recliner, chugging his coffee. He sort of glared at the duo on his couch over the steaming cup. "You gremlins are here too early. What do you want?"

"We were wondering if you knew anyone who made glass ANBU masks?"

Kizashi's eyebrows furrowed. "Look, I'm not telling you anything that's gonna implicate anyone. You two are twelve-year-olds without proper documentation, expertise, or clearance."

"It's to find my guardians!" Naruto protested.

"That makes it even worse," Kizashi said evenly, taking another mouthful of coffee. "Personal involvements are dangerous in their professions. If they cut ties, there's a good reason. Probably they don't want you hurt."

"Sure!" Naruto said hotly. "That was fine when I was seven! But I'm a genin now and I want to find my family!"

"And for that matter I can't be sure you're telling the truth. Anonymity is essential for their survival, especially for infiltration missions and their civilian covers. There's no way you would go through a glass mask-maker to find out your caretaker's identity if you didn't already ask the Hokage."

Naruto's fists clenched. "He never told me why I couldn't know their identities."

"There's probably a good reason," Kizashi shrugged. "None of my business in any case. Come back with a red-black scroll or don't ask again."

~?~

"Sorry that lead didn't pan out," said Sakura that day when they were out at a restaurant.

"We weren't really thinking," Naruto hissed. "Probably got what was coming to us. I don't know what we were thinking."

Sasuke lifted the collar of his turtleneck to cover his mouth.

Sakura shrugged. "Sasuke's only ten percent of your impulse control. Kakashi and I are the other ninety. I was too sleepy to stop you and Kakashi wasn't here. And Sasuke's too much of a closet pushover to stop you on his own."

Sasuke's turtleneck collar fell down just enough so he could stick out his tongue at his only female team member. "I'm not a pushover."

Sakura stole one of his sushi rolls. "You didn't even try to stop me, doormat."

Sasuke pushed away the small bowl with his chopsticks. "I'm not really hungry."

Naruto stole the bowl of sushi for him and started eating.

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "No one's gonna steal your food, Naruto. You can relax."

Naruto gulped. "Sorry. I eat when I'm stressed. It's just not fair that we couldn't find Neko-san. He was good to me, and even after he left we still saw each other - I know Inu-san wasn't the only one giving me food, cause sometimes oranges showed up in my bathroom sink the same night fresh tuna showed up in my freezer. I think it turned into a competition at one point. But I'm just, y'know, not at all happy about not being able to find one of two people who literally raised me."

Sasuke put his hand on Naruto's shoulder.

"Thanks, that means a lot," said Naruto softly. "So, where's Kakashi-sensei anyway?"

"He said he had some personal stuff to take care of," Sakura shrugged.

Naruto jolted. "Uh, speaking of personal stuff, could you help me with something?"

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "Scale from one to ten?"

"Somewhere like fifteen. My apartment got repossessed, I was wondering if your mom knew about a cheap spot."

Sakura took her chin off her fist. "You're not likely to find a place that's both cheap and indiscriminate. The landlords would eat you alive, and if you took the matter up with SHR they'd probably side with the land owner."

Naruto sighed and put his forehead against the table.

"You can stay with me again tonight."

"Thank you. I didn't really expect to find an apartment in a day anyway. It's probably gonna take some time."

"I'll find you some apartment listings. Mama knows some good landlords."

Sasuke nodded. "Thanks a ton, Sakura."

"No problem. Take care of yourselves."

~?~

Sasuke woke up the next morning with his music rock gently chiming and the nightlight seals glowing dimmer than how he'd set them earlier, and Naruto curled around his body like a leech.

Sasuke, having taken a page out of Sakura's book, promptly kicked him off the bed. "Don't you have your own room?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't as warm as you," Naruto grumbled.

"Don't sleep on me again."

Naruto tilted his head like he thought it was a request. "What if I promise to stop hogging the blankets on missions."

"You've promised this a dozen times already, Naruto."

"What's your point?"

"No deal."

"But I get cold at night!"

"Does any of that sound like a me problem?" Sasuke asked rhetorically, sliding out from under the covers to answer Shiro's wailing about food.

"Damn, he's cold," Naruto whined and got into Sasuke's bed to leech the body heat lingering in the sheets and quickly fell asleep in the warm cocoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMAKE: Sakura, WHY?  
> dedicated to viiolets, who requested sharingan Sakura
> 
> Invading Orochimaru's base camps was fun.
> 
> Coming away with the fruits of her labours was even better.
> 
> "Sakura, what is that abomination?"
> 
> "Sharingan eyes!" the rosette squealed. "I found 'em just lying around in Orochimaru's labs. Really, who doesn't destroy research material if you're not gonna use it? But seriously, I think I'm getting the hang of it." Her eyes twirled lazily. "Gesundheit."
> 
> Kakashi sneezed. "Okay, that is creepy."
> 
> "YES!" Gai exclaimed and tackled Kakashi "NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS!"

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone who reviews first gets an omake. Just leave a general theme for an AU of this prompt or a sentence prompt, dialogue scrap, whatever, and I'll make it work. (I'll give credit and clearly indicate the spot where it is.)
> 
> This idea just came to me, but I'm sticking to it! This includes chapters that came before I thought of this. So Shadowjazz19 and Foodmoon both get something of their own, to be cashed in at any time.
> 
> My only stipulation for this one is that you let me know if it's inspired by someone else's work. I like to give credit where credit is due.
> 
> Keep it classy and have a good day!
> 
>  **Edit:** If you don't want a prompt, no pressure! I'll go to the next person on the list. Peace and long life 🖖.


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